LET'S CELEBRATE...SHALL WE?

As tortured, creative souls, we push ourselves to limits some can only imagine. We beat ourselves up for not being successful, affluent, acceptable, mainstream, popular, beautiful, better etc. and yet we still create. Our very lives depend upon being creative creatures, to express ourselves and push what is safe aside...jump in head first. We know the fear and decide to do it anyway. Let people laugh, critique, sneer but it is the strength that's underneath which always rises to the occasion. Why do we accept it? Why do we allow it? Why when we can be like other people? Because we're not whole until we express, we're not full until we give, we're not living until we are breathing, excreting and sharing our art. Living a life of an artist can be a downer...no one believes you'll make it...become famous...be rich...live lavishly or if you do, be the same person you were before because money/fame will change you...supposedly. I always say, if you're an egomaniac/hurtful/mean etc. , money will just supply you with the reassurance that it's okay. If you truly give, love life, want to help others in the most purest form, then that's what you will be able to do more of but you've gotta celebrate along the way. This road is treacherous, unbelievably hard and unrewarding most times...but it is those special times, when you get to play, create, make-up, mold from scratch and then perform, inspire, give back then realize why you do what you do...epiphany...love...acceptance...confirmation...joy...you begin to know that you know.

For 2 years since I've been back, pushing my art, training, discovering, exploring, I've had close encounters of just being right there. As an actress, you submit via agent/manager/yourself hoping to be 1 in thousands to be selected to read for a role, then you audition against a couple hundred sometimes and then if you're lucky, you get the call back - where it's only you against maybe 3-5 other people they're deciding on. From there you wait, hoping to hear something within the next couple of days and when you don't...you know. I've been on nothing but producer session/call backs for the last 2 years...I rarely have to audition anymore because the casting directors that know me, know I won't embarrass them in the room. I have a full story, even if it's for one line...I come in memorized for the most part and I do my best to look exactly the way I picture my character should look regardless of how I like to look, because it's about the story. I've accomplished that and yet I still feel like I'm not anywhere I want to be because I haven't booked as much as I like. I realize now, they like me...hell, maybe even love my bold, crazy choices because it's all laughter and no redirects anymore. I hear I'm great, wonderful and there's nothing else they could possibly ask me for so I leave and have learned from Allen Levin - Lifebook Acting Academy, "What's next?!" I've done my work, I gave it my all and I rarely no longer beat myself up in the car after the process about what I should've, could've done...I already did.

Below is a callback I received for a film - "Hello, My Name Is Doris" via Morman/Boling Casting as a jogger with one line yesterday - "Get in the slow lane!" My hair is pulled up in a bun, with a band, barely there makeup and workout clothes. I get in, I jog a bit, I act as if I'm behind the 2 main characters, I try to go around...I can't...I become annoyed, let out a urghh, then go into my line, the reader states "Go grab a smoothie, you twerp!" The scene ends there...however, my character is offended so I react by bringing both hands up to my lips, kissing them into flying fingers flipping him off and then jogging away. ALL FOR ONE LINE!!! They laugh, they love I made a bold choice, the director thinks it's funny and doesn't want to see another side, they already did with 2 versions I did for the audition. So I leave....hoping but realizing I did what I needed to do so I must let that go which I've done but what I don't do is celebrate.

Celebrate that moment as a win...did I book, make money etc? Maybe, maybe not but regardless, it is in those moments as artists we must thank ourselves for putting it out there, nailing it, feeling good because we don't get most of the moments of hearing "WE BOOKED IT." So if we don't book, does it mean we're no good? NO! It just means they weren't willing to risk you, or they didn't get you or they know you were right on the acting but looks wise, maybe you're not exactly what they had in mind. It doesn't mean YOU were not worthy. You did the work, you got the sides, you made sure you were prepared with the role, you made choices, you went into the room and created a story without knowing the whole story, you nailed it and you leave without pay. That's the life of acting at times, but for that moment, you got to play and create and do something you love so understand how special that is. Your body, mind and spirit went into that moment so learn to celebrate...somehow. It doesn't have to cost anything, it can be a much needed walk or a movie night with popcorn at home or even just a glass of champagne. Acknowledge what you did, how hard you worked and then reward yourself by thanking your artist within because that's how you keep going, that's how you stop from being bitter and that's how you keep creating. Never take your art for granted, it can dry up, it can be uninspired and angry so give to yourself as much as you give to the world with your work! Keep Pushing Forward....