The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 43 & 44 (
Audition #48, #49 & #50 ) 😍
I'm sure I'm over the 50 count with the voice over auditions but this is huge with and without the bookings because years ago, I'd have one audition a month if I was lucky enough, 1 booking per year - fingers crossed - especially being a POC female not actually fitting into any boxes. Last year I ended around this amount and I still got 3 months to go right now - WHEW! This has been hard work just to get here...to take more control over my submissions by submitting myself when good projects pop up even if it's only low pay, to opening myself up to voice over work and making sure I do my work to give the room pause enough to make sure I'm called back in. This takes time and although you feel like you going all uphill, in mud, barefoot and cold, what you put in will be the showing. I know, I know...I'm slow with my new headshots and updated reels too - these all cost money and the only time I can get to it is when I book or get extra cash flow but eventually things get done much to the chagrin of my representatives who are patient and understanding as all get out but they can't always pitch me the way they may want because not every tool is in place and...that sucks but that's okay. What you make sure of, is that you not only put in the work but you also take care of the necessities one step atta time.After 2 voice over auditions the evening prior, there was a mandatory voice over meeting for our agency first thing in the morning and if you could hear some of the appalling excuses actors had for her as she's fighting to get this job for a person, you'd realize that your good attitude indeed goes a long way. I'm still learning but I'd never intentionally send in an audition with a loud bang in it and refuse to redo it because it's an audition...it's what might get you work, what is so difficult in trying to be as clean as possible? While there was construction around the house, I ended up using a blanket to cover myself and the mic just to create a buffer needed. It was what I had at the moment and it was used to make my takes as clean as possible. You do, what you gotta do!!! I don't get the excuses we make for ourselves to throw away an opportunity because we're tired of the game. We all get frustrated, sometimes bitter and it's hard to see the artist you truly are when nothing seems to be going your way but understand that it's your view point that needs perspective. As tough as this year has been, I've had some ah-mazing auditions that are definitely a step up from years past...little to no co-stars ( which when they come I accept gladly because work is work,) usually just guest stars, recurring or leads. It's a big leap and something I don't take too lightly because most of these have been for repeats in the same room. Getting in front of the same casting directors is a huge feat because you've got to understand that they like you, they're just trying to get that perfect role that works for you and everyone else. They believe in your work and they want you to do well, they've seen you do different things and they're just cheering you on now. Quit pissing on that, quit being upset about being called in and not booking, quit acting as if it's owed to you when you have no idea the fight they may be putting up for you just to keep you in that room. Do you know how many submissions they've received? The pitches they've heard from bigger agencies? The memory they've had to call you back in when they see thousands of actors and although its been some months since you've been through their door, they still managed to remember that YOU should be in the room and given the opportunity. DON'T WASTE NONE OF THAT...this is the good stuff, where stories are made and every step is towards YOUR LIGHT and could be a new level for your dreams.Yes, it's difficult to see the sunshine behind the clouds, but you've got to remember that it's there, trying to break through and you've got to be around in order to get you some! Loved the fact I was in this major soap opera casting office (I can't name) once again but this time for a way bigger role, can't wait to get back in and see what other characters I can build on for them. Trust the work, trust the process and most of all TRUST YOUR ART!!
Went to Austin, Texas for a wedding and what I got back was a replenishment in my focus and inspiration with other forms of art and all the delicious food I could stuff into my belly! I didn't think I needed this time but while I was there, I could just feel my "12 year old self" coming out to play. Learning to relax a bit, enjoy the moments more and giving the gifts of changed perspectives even to a powerful 4 year old. ( Posted on FB but will repeat because it's necessary for us all.) This lil' gal found me and started chatting me up at the wedding and then came the introductions. After saying her name, she noted it was a very "long name..." I said that's okay, I kinda have one too but after chatting for a moment she then went into how "long" her name was again - as if to explain/apologize so I stopped her and asked if she liked her name. Although she hesitated, she looked up at me and said yes. I smiled so big and said "I love your name!" Then I looked her in her eye and simply stated "Long name, Strong name," she smiled big and repeated. We must change our perspectives and if we can't, I can only hope that you have a tribe that can help change it for you - we need it because we art! Soaking up all that life has to offer because it is too short and you must grab fistfuls of goodness where ever you are and as much as you can while you still have those opportunities. From staying for the first time in an airstream with a claw tub I was able to just be in, to a couple of impromptu photo shoots, to visiting an outdoor graffiti art gallery, to seeing painted black mermaids on the wall of restaurants, to seeing bats, bats and mo' bats. Eating whatever my heart desired, and my belly craved, to drinking at secret spots, to hiking through water made caverns and buying art from local businesses which included a bitchstix - lip balm that supports survivors! New things to push my senses and to understand truly that WE ARE ART if we choose to be...it is painful, it takes work, it may take so much time, but the beauty of it is our LOVE for it and that my friend shines like nothing else. I was pleasantly surprised at the rejuvenation Austin gave me, in a place I was actually asking if the Air B&B knew I was black as I was parking with the beast only to spot that sign...that sign that let me know that there are people even in states you think aren't fighting that are resisting and loving and giving. This place renewed my hope in people and in life and gave me new courage to fight on, to keep sharing love and to keep working on my art filled life because it is all worth it. So go travel whenever you can, it doesn't have to be far nor expensive or specific...I went for a wedding and explored as much as possible. Fill your depleted well by shopping local and seeing what artists like yourself are trying to create. Don't let this daily grind keep stealing pieces of you, there is a way to keep strong, to keep at 'em, to keep the course and that is to find those little things that make such a big difference in your life without you even knowing it nor expecting it! YAY to life - CARPE DIEM!!! 💖
"Put all dat drama into your work arties!!!" I can rage so much right now...the frustration and utter confusion I have about the world as I live in it, has got my head, heart and spirit unsettled. So I take all of it...EVERY LAST DROP OF IT and pour it into my work whenever the opportunity hits. Don't let what is going on outside your control to throw you out of balance with your truth, reign in what you can control and do and give and push it out in your expression. That's art, don't deprive your work from utilizing every aspect of your situations because that is where your uniqueness lies...the beauty of that pain that you carry. It's difficult to share, but harnessing that energy into your work is the difference between you and others. I've had to learn to tread lightly amongst my dark, not to get too sucked into the hurt of it all but to understand that my depth was different from what others may give and that became my strength. Yes, it's too much for some but those aren't the ones I'm trying to reach, I'm here to put in real work and get the ones that can dial it back or push it all out when needed...these are the projects I'm truly interested in. Usually this doesn't go for someone like me, however, it is my dream and goal that I and others like me will be viewed as such soon enough, therefore I push and I push so hard that it hurts to breathe, it hurts to speak and it hurts to feel but it is in that vulnerability I can cast my art before others in hopes to move them as they try to understand my work. Don't shy away from your pain but truly be in a safe place learning to mold and give without hurting anyone including yourself. This is the good stuff, this is where your power could lie and where your confidence may grow as a truth seeker in which it is your responsibility to explore. Unleashing this at random times on set without you being in full control may lead you down a dark rabbit hole, so practice, work, practice, explore, practice, knead, practice and push and you'll learn more about yourself as an artist and when/how to give 25%, to 50%, up to 75%, when 100% is necessary and then all out when called for. Find those triggers, find what you do to calm those triggers and explore how to come out of that space safely surrounded by love but this isn't possible without your gentle care into it all. 2 very different dramatic scenes needed with different timing of pain/strength/tears and trying to find those moments was my beautiful challenge for the day. All this while pushing out 2 voice over auditions before with 2 more after to make it all interesting. Literally 6 auditions within a few hours ( I gave my count for my vo's 1 & 1 since they were bulked together ) from one end of the spectrum of happiness to the other side of hurt/anger, one for a collaborative project with a monologue requested and one for a short film. I welcome these days to figure it all out and give each one it's own space...it's my practice now for my future employments of work when I can race from one gig to the next! My favorite times are getting to share these moments and usually I'm going between 25%-50% because I honestly know it's difficult for most to digest and how some may react. That's good...grab these auditions by the kohones and push yourself out of your comfort zone because after all...they're just auditions at the end of the day but it's your time to explore/play! Who knows, you may just very well end up booking the job because of the "extra" you decided to give yourself permission to try...regardless, it's work practiced and this monologue challenges me every time to find something new! Keep finding that challenge, keep finding a way to be moved and you will find some truth!!!
Are you still finding reasons to celebrate or at least make whatever you're going to do or doing into some type of celebration? I can't stress how important this is for you, your psyche and your art...how do you expect it to keep on giving on such a high level? If your body gets worn down from lack of sleep and bad foods, isn't it possible for your inspirational well to dry up? I truly believe that when you then wait too long to "filler back up," is when you become less motivated, more bitter and close to sliding into the danger zone of releasing your dreams. I can't afford all the shows/art I'd love to go to/buy, the gas alone to get around plus money for whatever besides regular days of life is a tremendous burden on my wallet, however, I've learned to combine. If I get something to celebrate and want to do so with food at Sage let's say...I wait until Mon/Tues when they've got happy hour all day long or save a celebration to hit up a new vegan joint after a meeting when I'm out and about and literally have a lunch that I can split into 2 meals. I also practice buying at least one "special" item like the vegan toona or the almond milk ricotta & mushroom ravioli by Kite Hill at the grocery store that I may not usually purchase because of the price, that I store and save to give to myself on a day I know I should regardless of how I may feel about an audition/meeting. I have a couple of different whiskies ( even brought back a Herman Marshall Texas Rye ) that I love to drink but will only drink some of that special one on a really good day! Sometimes it's giving myself extra time to stretch and sit in the steam/sauna room after a double workout and not rush a damn thing because it feels great not to think about stuff for a bit. Even in my most extravagant, I'll still wait for the double sale online for any Free People clothing I've been gawking at or hit up the clearance runway rack at TJ Maxx for that one piece I found to wear to an event that's worth $300-$500 but has been marked down to $25-$75, more within my "special occasion" budget. It's weird at first, but once you decide to reward what you give of yourself, you begin to appreciate every little thing which brings about real sentimental value. Those shoes mean more because you gifted yourself after a major audition which you may or may not have booked, but when you wear them now, there's a certain sense of pride and confidence only you carry into the room when you sport them. Learn to celebrate you, not for show but to genuinely show yourself that you care about you as well...rewarding oneself will have you loving yourself and loving yourself will give shine to your art that no one can quite place. Be good to you, it's a requirement if you want to make it in this business grounded, focused and ready! Bloom here, bloom now - JUST BLOOM!!!
