Is it day 25 already?!?! Another commercial audition for the year...that's 2 this year and it's a miracle! I never put anything on these auditions...you never know what they are looking for. I rarely get called in so I go to have fun and be in front of a camera again. It's for Ross and I'm one of a couple minorities in. Who cares that this is the process, getting a commercial can be like winning the lotto so go, with a great attitude of you getting to audition today and understand what the odds are and have a blast. Most of the time, this has everything to do with what the corporation thinks will sell and that includes you as a whole - demographics are at work here so enjoy this process for what it is and maybe one day it'll be your turn. Some people seem to be built for this commercial world...looks, build etc, which is great but don't you feel less than because you may not fit in because if there is a you in this world, then someone out there identifies with you so keep at it. Plug away until it happens. I enjoy the whole show of commercial auditions that I now just laugh through it because for me, it seems I've a slim to nothing chance but I get to audition. I get the opportunity to practice my work on a day that I may not get another audition so this keeps me primed for the room, the nerves and the energy. Take as many auditions as you can, when you can, every time you can whether you'll be able to do it or want to do it...unless it's really terrible then don't waste your time but even then...it may be fun so be open! Practice, practice, practice makes for different artistry to be pushed by you so if commercial auditions ain't yo thang - it only takes one to make it your thang so have fun, know what it is and leave it there.Boy, oh boy does this process stay hard but you as an artist in this business must be tougher. Tougher than the present situation, you must be in it for the long ride because we all have terrible auditions, frightening call backs and blown screen tests. It's gonna happen if it hasn't and as artists you must give yourself some cushion here...we try new things, the way we rehearse it isn't what came out in the room, we fumble and didn't recover...we get lost. It's okay, it's better than okay because the first works of art can't be perfect. I must admit, auditions are difficult on me, it's when I want to play and explore and I've noticed that once I get a call back, I can usually lock down the character but it's at the shoot that I can sink in but you've got to get there in order to finish your masterpiece. Understand you will be brilliant at the shoot, you've worked for it but it's in the audition that the magic happens for casting/director/writer and there fore you must trust yourself because you're the only one in the room that must. You must believe that you not only deserve the opportunity but that you will be even better at the shoot, it's not ego - it's a fact. Knowing that you're more than capable will give you a different power/confidence in the room and walking out with that will allow your artistry to flourish instead of being beat up with the woulda, shoulda, couldas in the car.
Worst audition memory - years ago I was with a really, good boutique agency that I worked from being just in their Commercial Dept. to their Theatrical by booking a show as a co-star without anyone. One of the agents called on Friday for an audition on Monday which I missed, I called back within the hour and got no response. Hmmmmmm, Friday afternoon and nothing...an hour goes by and so I try again...nothing...I'm getting stressed because I've got no idea what the audition is for, time, sides etc. It's early evening and I try again and still nothing. All weekend with the idea of not knowing is stressful and beyond. Finally Monday morning I get a call back stating the agents had left the office early but a well known, black cd wants to see me in a couple of hours, they're not sure what the part is for, I'll know when I get there. (WHAT?!?!) They did mention my French listing on the resume, which I can read very well but would've loved the weekend to brush up on since I have no one to practice with. I get in, no sides...hmmmm. I get into the room and it's improv - I'm so thrown I am speechless. I don't speak French fluently but would've been prepared conversationally had I known to work on it over the weekend. I couldn't remember a "J'aime appelle Leilani" to save my life, nor anything else - I FROZE. I could see the look of utter disappointment on his face and although if they gave me a line (which they did) I could repeat it back with perfect French nuisance, I just was at a blank. I left defeated, shocked and angry. My first time meeting this well to do Casting and I blew it. I knew I'd never get called in again to that office which sucked because I knew I was a decent enough actress at the time to do the shows he normally cast. I was pretty young to the business and didn't want to cause any waves at my agency so I didn't call them to truly express what I had felt I went through and that they had dropped the ball as well as me looking like the idiot to someone casting a lot of shows at the time. I thought I was done and I believed he probably told the story to every other close Casting Director he knew. I felt poisoned at the time...I took French off my resume and even stopped practicing it since it's so rare that it's looked for in black women in film. I left my agency shortly after as well to finish off this downward spiral of feeling unworthy and being caught unprepared, this was part of the reason I quit. One bad audition...HA! Out of all of them that worked, but because I wasn't booking and this terrible audition happened, I allowed myself to feel that I wasn't the actress I knew I could be and no one told me otherwise.
You must champion yourself, then others will root for you but you must be your own biggest, loudest cheerleader first. You must know that you know...when I got back in, I believed I was better for it. I come in prepared, I make sure I know as much about the audition as I possibly can, even if it seems I'm annoying and I blow that room out every time I can step in one! I know I can be off sometimes but I get back on and push - I also realize that if the room can't see it, they don't deserve me and they don't deserve you if they can't see it. So, on to the next. There are way to many projects and experiences for you to fall into a pit over any auditions that may go awry...it happens. Are you an artist or aren't you? Do you feel alive when you get to express a character in your way? Then go do it, go do that and don't let bad auditions, people that can't see your worth or bookings in the present stop you because your time is coming. Just be prepared as much as possible and fly as soon as you get the chance, that's what happens when you work your work, study and push boundaries...no one can tell you a thing, you just keep creating magic!
Go put on your favorite fun outfit...not for anyone but you and go run errands, it'll make you feel like a different person. Make you feel good for all that you do and try, it doesn't have to cost anything except effort on your part to reward yourself for putting it out there, doing what most people shrink at and taking it all in with fortitude to push forward but you must give to yourself as well. I know it's hard out there, so do something for yourself that puts a smile on your face...even if it's just fun clothes that makes you happy or a cup of really good ice cream from home, your soul will thank you and you deserve it you artist you!
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