The Glamorous Life of Auditions - Day 40

2 eco-cast auditions done did from the hiz-house, just the way I like 'em!!! I received one of them last week for an audition due this evening which worked out perfectly due to my need to focus on the new play audition that happened a couple of days ago. Now this first one was interesting because it's for a role where the gal is some sort of mother but wanting to date and has entered into the world of risque on line dating along with maybe some pole dancing action....ha - confused?!? I was but there was no nudity, may have to appear in some light clothing ( which can be worked out ) but no sexy sex of that nature so I said why the hell not! Haven't had one of these in my film arsenal and the set up lent itself to the story so it doesn't seem to be just bodies thrown around for the sake of seeing bodies. I always say, audition then discuss because things can change and for your favor as an artist if they see your work but they won't get that side without you in the game opening up the discussion. So the scene called for me to be in my undies etc. and although at home, I wasn't comfortable in front of a camera ( even if it was in front of my own beast ) down to my skivvies! Plus, I wouldn't audition in that fashion so why would a self tape be any different. Cut off shorts, black tank pulled down to show my colored bra was enough to lend my being towards that imagery, it is up to you as to how far you are willing to go. Nothing is right nor wrong in art but how you want to be perceived...what do you stand for or are willing to do. Not what you can be talked into but how do you feel doing it...see, I'm not so comfortable prancing around in a bikini or my chonies but I'm an artist and I do know if it moves the story, if it says something then I may consider it. Art is art, I do art and I don't compromise when it comes to my artistic expression...in my work or in my life, however this is my choice. It's not to say whenever I see a bikini-clad, gorgeous woman I down that work...I just ask if it was necessary. I remember the big hoopla over Halle Berry showing her breasts and when she did in the story line I remembered being like "WHY????" It seemed so unnecessary and I felt it was done to be done...however, I saw the same kinda show in a different setting by Renee Russo and it made perfect sense. I could see why Renee's character whom was sun bathing on the private veranda of her hut may have no top on...I couldn't explain it for Halle's character and with that I realized for myself where I was going to draw my line. We each have our line in our work, don't cross that unless you are convicted in doing so and that goes for choosing what character you want to portray as well. Some have no problem being a hooker getting banged and some aren't okay showing any skin that isn't necessary and both are great as long as it lines up with who you are and what you want do while you do your art. If you compromise, if you talk yourself into something you are truly uncomfortable with because you feel pressured or think you'll make enemies, I promise you that you will then lose a piece of your soul and it is never worth it. Do what you're comfortable with and if you decide it's too much, that this isn't you, that you don't consider it part of your work - WALK AWAY proudly! DO NOT do anything you feel in the deepest parts of your soul that you wouldn't be proud to watch yourself do. There is no agent, no producer, no director, no nobody but yourself that you must answer to and a shot/film will not make nor break your career...it's okay to choose to not do it, do not be bullied into a regretful situation ever for any art besides the one you're willing to be proud of, whatever that may be for you. That's why acting class is so important, if you think you're going to get on set and just go be free in everything that isn't you and be natural...HA, I say...this is why everyone can't do this. I've never kissed a woman outside of acting but that was something I explored in class as well as kissing men...now it is a stage kiss with no tongue but to get over the hump that a kiss is a kiss was something I worked on as well as having humped every item on our acting stage over at Lifebook. I wanted to feel unhindered and make free choices and the only way I could do that was to grow as an artist and try it out on stage...in front of people, but that is my art...you have to make yours but understand that your job is to find the truth and to shy away from that is a disservice to the character, so make sure you're going in with a very clear mind in your choice of who the truth of the character is. When you're free & clear, those choices will define you as an artist so let that be the speaking of your work in whatever you do. The second audition was for one out of touch/out of sync line so I did 4 takes on that line since it was just that easy to give them some choices since I had no context to go off of really...and again - WHY NOT?!?! It's one line, they never said one choice - HA!!! It was a quick take in a car out in a desert so I decided my yellow painted wall in the guest room was perfect...it even came off a bit off, so it all works out as it should...in the comfort of your own home...what I'm saying is make it work, it doesn't always have to be a white wall or black backdrop or that you have to pay - you don't, just get it done and don't stress too much about what your background is, they know you're at home. Youtubed it again for edits to make the slate to connect with the video audition and BOOYA, done! I'm beginning to love the slate process even more as I go along...to be able to just chat for a moment with casting and do it in my back yard is really quite soothing after stressing over the audition bit of it all. I even got to talk about how I took pole classes to strengthen my arms in martial arts a long time ago to break boards and that since production was willing to pay for them, that I'd be more than happy to take them again...see the fun stuff you just get to talk about at will!

So I just received noticed that I have to go back to the Boston Court Theatre today for a callback but not as the meth tweeker lead ( in which I stated I will not understudy for - been there, done that, got it and now moving on ) but as one of the ensemble players as Mother #4 and 11 pages for just this one piece of saying lines here & there & everywhere when one of the 4 Mothers speak. I love these parts as well and am excited to get the opportunity to once again, do something different on stage so I'm excited to see how this all plays out. I love reading plays and thinking to myself I wouldn't mind doing this role as well...then you know the writing is good, the play is different, the vision unique and who doesn't want to be a part of that?!?! All while being in another theatre and one that does a lot of World Premieres - can you tell I'm excited today???!!! Even got the other callback for the film I did on the same day but they wanted to tape and pair up actors but since it was already last minute I stated I already had a callback confirmed for the exact same times requesting me to stay at the theater for at least 2 hours for match ups as well. So I hope that the short film will get one more call back process and I will be able to make the final rounds of callbacks on that but for right now, I'm focused on being on another stage doing something completely different than what I've ever done in a brilliant & beautiful story...so send me all that good energy/vibes, I will use them today!

With all this crazy business happening, my workouts in the past week has faltered from my usual routine however, still putting in work at least 3 times a week with Aqua Zumba being all I've done this week so far, so I must hop to it for the rest of the days. Getting to break bread with good friends while in town is still a priority and happy to hear that Marquese is back in town so that we may be able to meet up and enjoy delicious vegan food like we did at Sage the last time he was here with his gal & friend. We enjoyed the food so much, we didn't take pictures of ourselves, just what we ate and boy does this food make everyone happy...I ate it all...I ate it all!!! Best Nachos around, hands down!

 Still juicing when I get a handful of veggies I want to mix up for a bit and with the remains, I throw it in with salads, other foods as I prep and good 'ole smoothies to make sure I use everything as much as possible!

Squeeze out everything possible in your work and food, then watch all the goodness emerge. Let's go make some art!!!! Wahoooooo

The Glamorous Life of Auditions - Day 39

Always a rush getting an audition at 6p in the evening for the next morning for times needed between 11a-1:30p only to already have an audition scheduled for later that evening so now you work out times to plot your course and hopefully make the most of your day at the same time. Had to contact casting on this one because no sides were sent until you confirmed a time and since I needed to figure out how to work out the spacing so I could be prepared for both, I did what I try not to do but found necessary at this time. Luckily it was only a page and a half of work with more emotions than speaking and I decided since I needed more time to focus on the new World Premiere play audition over at Boston Court in Pasadena ( because I always need to put my best foot forward with Michael Donovan Casting since he tries to call me in ) I wanted to give myself some breathing room to just be instead of rushing from one audition to the next. Some days, we get that luxury - most days, it is what it is and you just knock 'em out as they come. I asked for the 11a or close to that time slot and worked on the sides here and there until bed time, which only happened because of the wonderful Michael J. who took my morning/evening to teach at Lifebook. Woke up, left on time ( which is a miracle, because that means I left 15 minutes before the time I planned on leaving ) and made it to the Complex in Hollywood 10 minutes early. Of course they were late but it gave me plenty of time to decompress and focus on my emotional life in the scene. I always want to add depth to my character, a deeper purpose regardless of how easy/peezy the scene wants to be...I feel that and must portray that, it's not that I just cry, but I need to feel that emotional connection of why I am and it is usually deeper than what it states on paper. I've always found it interesting when actors think they can act once they cry, they figure it's the last hurdle to really know how to act...to shed tears can be a difficult process to overcome but to understand the depths of the reasoning is the art form. I've seen people cry to cry and that doesn't move me but I can always tell when someone cries with purpose and the beautious engagement that occurs with a viewer can alter so many perceptions. I also understand not crying, which has been more of my work as of late since tears can come a bit easier for me and with the help of amazing directors that know it's in my bag, ( like Saundra ) have made me push to reveal less at times which is yet another aspect of acting that I am smitten by. Hold, don't hold, let loose, give a little, give it your all...at the right time, done the right way is the art form so please don't stop this process as you proceed to getting over the crying hump...there is so much more to learn yet - keep at it and discover, that is where the richness lies! A couple of takes, then a whole 7 - 10 minute improv'd scene where I kept going...didn't hear cut so I didn't stop the scene, I keep discovering until I felt it was time to end it by sending the other actress to get my tea, breaking down hard one last time to getting it together and watching my "made up" son play in the other room. I would've kept on had it not been for the other gal, but since she seemed stuck in her one place I felt there was no where else to go after so sometimes you create to end which is a wonderful space to be in at an audition. Loved getting the chance to play and a chance to give a wider variety of emotions other than crying just because the scene stated such. Got great feedback with no redirects so I slipped out, wiped off my crazy, mascara running eyes and went home to finish reading the script to the play audition for that evening. Almost finished the full play but since it was so heavy, I could only do so much reading at a time. Getting to play a recovering tweeker/addict is always something I've wanted in my arsenal so I had really poured my heart into this scene. I had picked up some treats and made some for the room since I missed thanking Michael Donovan for his trust in me for "When Stars Align." I got to my audition 30 minutes early to just focus and noticed one other Asian gal in the room along with one other black girl. I saw about 15 girls while I was there, so just seeing a couple of minorities thrilled me to pieces...especially for a meth character living in the country at an orchard. This meant they were open and this gives me more hope when I audition because although I appreciate being the only minority in the room, I also know it's not a serious consideration...it may be an option, so these odds as bleak as they may seem, give me a better shot in the room. I go in to a room of 6 people, I keep the hello's short and dive onto that emotional rollercoaster and although there is only one person reading, I must look at another person as well to include them in the scene. The artistic director tells me I'm riveting/interesting to watch and likes all of my choices but felt I was too clean, too in to feeling control of the situation and wanted to see another take where I didn't know how it was going. We did the first page in which she stopped me immediately to let me know that I had taken the note beautifully and there was nothing more for her to see! Also gave me a heads up on calling me for a staged reading of something else as well since there may be a part for me...YAY and...whew! I stayed true with what I felt to be real about the addict I created. I've never used, never been addicted to substance so I had to watch some real addicts, discover & create from my world of addiction and go play from there. I'm always worried that I can't dig deep enough to be honest in the character but I have learned to trust what I know and it hasn't lead me astray. Gave them their treats ( yes, even the receptionist busting her butt because she deserves a thank you as well ) and left confidently knowing I gave them my truth!!! Now, just crossing my fingers and on to the next!!! Do it, ponder for a moment & then leave it...then celebrate...just know, that small unwrapped cheesecake in the picture was my celebration treat for my first audition and for the second...Ta Da....got a cake pop from the director, Danette of "Adam & Eve" and had saved it for a couple of days to treat myself on my cheat day!!! HA...2 desserty celebrations in one day for crying my heart out all day for complete strangers all eye balling me - I deserved every sugary bit! Yummers!

Got a call from my gurl, Terri about a game show run thru - huh - exactly. Basically the GSN develops new games and is in need of players good at trivia etc, ( When did the Berlin Wall Come Down??? - Terri guessed and got it right, wahoo!!!) so they have people like me & my friends show up to play in the competition which doesn't air and where you don't win money, but you get bragging rights and decent cash for 3 hours. Enough for a full tank of gas and lunch which is worth it when you  don't have anything else going on...the only problem could be the commitment needed a few days in advance and when you don't know your schedule for the most part, this can be difficult to line up. Somehow, the universe was in sync and there was no stress added to any of the two days we had to show up and try to beat the opposing team. Never been at GSN so that was fun but not so much the over hour drive in 9a traffic on a Friday for the 2nd showing, which starts at 7:30a on the 405, what a cool experience to know that's out there floating around! Pending on days or time/availability, I'd do it again if it came up...gotta hang with friends ( even got a chance to get another friend to fill in on the team on the day we lost but in high fashion right Bub??? What does ROFL stand for man - ha, ha, ha! ), eat good food at vegan thai - curry noodles with fried tofu/build your own sandwich/fresh salad bar at Mrs. Winston's where you can guess the weight on Fridays, if correct you win lunch and compete over trivia!!! Who knew?!?!

This past week ended my 3 play trilogy and boy did I not only celebrate properly by having a breakfast of champions ( why yes, that is cashew milk snickerdoodle ice cream with my pancakes with coconut whip - how else would you eat pancakes!!! ) with flowers from the wonderful Randy, I am able to say I did that! Keeping 3 plays compartmentalized in your brain while doing auditions and trying to live was a challenge like no other but one I now know I am able to do and will not allow fear in doing so to even enter the picture. Exhausting - HELL YES, but absolutely fulfilling in letting me know that my body & mind can take that, do it and WIN. With every fiber of your being, fight to challenge yourself always...don't ever feel comfortable in your comfortability, always push for something more, something you may fall flat on your face and if you do, you did that, you tried it and now you can try it again because the outcome of what you learn is always different. Gift your artistry with something more than the known, your work will grow because of it, regardless of whether you feel like you "failed" or not. Look, "failing" is part of the artist's way, it's life and we do life, but it's not so much failing as it is learning and growing. We like to self deprecate and use the word "fail" to keep us from trying again or moving past ourselves, this keeps us as true artists??? Not in the slightest! We are beautiful, strong creatures trying to change the world with the arts and we are told we're not enough every day by rejection but like a child that needs to express what is inside of them, we must not allow the weight of negativity to hinder our exploration of growing. We can do this, we can change that, we can and we must...evolve, that's what we do! I want to change this business so that the next young, mixed, exotic girl growing up and wanting to be an actress will not have to face the fact that she is mixed, exotic etc in that room when she walks in. That her talent will be all that is required and noticed, she will only worry about her work, her art that she brings but not her appearance, that is what I strive for as an artist now. To change this idea of what I am and who I can play because of what I look like, to even put a dent in this will be my success...I look forward everyday to this life challenge!

Loved seeing these wondrous faces of support during the run of "Adam & Eve." To create such a statement through art has inspired my focus on my project "JANE." Loved being a part of something so different, so open and so physically challenging for me in different ways. I remember having to set a full table with food, placements, silverware in a scene from "Flyin' West" never having done it before to that extent while chatting away and being present with lines, realizing in life we always do this so why does it seem so hard now. Realizing that as you play, as you become more ingrained with the character, the lines are the lines of life and you are doing life, so once that fear of doing a lot and spilling out what I needed to say was pushed aside, it's the one thing I look for in my scenes now. Not just reading it out, but what else can I do, not to just do but to do with purpose so see, I still grow! Thanks for these wonderful memories and thanks for all the good energy/vibes/thoughts sent whether you could be there or not. Still can't believe I did that...so happy I did!

Now it is time to hang out with my baby, catch some sun and enjoy this process of art! Until next time...

The Glamorous Life of Auditions - Day 38


It's nurse time!!!! I took a nurse headshot a couple of years ago to appease my management company on having more looks to spoon feed some casting that can't see a long, curly hair gal as anything but a bohemian and although I've submitted several times to projects, it is rare to get the audition although I did book a commercial print for a nurse once - pictured right. However, today's audition has broken the cycle so maybe I'll do the downtrodden woman look...just kidding...for now. I like to work the headshots I have until they've run its course and I no longer look like that no matter how hard I try because picture taking is a process in which I have no patience for. I also hope that most casting has grown into understanding the magic of hair & makeup along with wardrobe to allow your character to come through  (because it is their job) and I don't have to make my face up in bruises to look like I could be someone that gets beaten because what look really is that????!!! This is why I can become difficult in this process of having shots because I want to truly believe that casting has enough sense really, to see that...then hopefully the director/producers after...I just don't want to believe my manager that this industry is really that short sighted but that some of them may in fact have no imagination, which I get but do I really need the cop shot with a gun??? Is there not one cop/military personnel in the world with my length of hair pulled back in a tight bun/pony tail and do they really believe they may not be able to do so with mine? These are the ridiculous questions that float in every actor's mind because these are the ridiculous scenarios that come up for us. Yet, every once in awhile,
you get that call for something you rarely get seen as and it's enjoyable...except for the fact that you decided to go all rambo in your water zumba class because you figure you're going to wash your hair after only to get home in the hour and find an audition notice that needs to be in by the morning at the latest. Arrrrggggghhhhhhh - moments notice for us artists that we must gather our senses and just dive in. I look cray-cray and there are a few lines to memorize which I tackle first. Get those and voila, my beast is home early enough to catch some light and tape this evening instead of rushing in the morning and stressing. I get ready, grab my one nurse top bought by my beast for auditions and clean make-up it quickly before the sun sets. We film my scene, a couple of takes because I had crazy eye balls going for some reason, which is the great thing about home submissions, you can take a look and adjust your crazy faces you're making that you have no clue you're doing. I race upstairs to my gazebo quiet area ( and new favorite place to slate to camera) and slate my info and edit it all together on YouTube which allows you to piece together your separate works of art into one streamlined concoction which I've taken full advantage of now. I realize since my scene lasts like 15 seconds and I seem super friendly, I want another take of something more straight forward, questioning and boom done! I edit it together with 2 takes and send them off to get a message from casting in the morning that they've watched it and it was a great read and that they'll be in touch. Regardless of whether they get back in contact with me, I decided in my slate to state that I was happy to read for their office finally and that I look forward to reading for them again in the future. Ahhhhhhh, the wonderful things you can say in a slate you get to shoot yourself - take full advantage of these moments, these are gifts that the cd gets a chance to see you in a different light and some of your personality as well without spending more money on the site's slate, you can custom the crap out of it for each audition, it's just taking the time to do so in the comfort of your own home. You also get to have wonderful moments of notifications in the middle of your tape because you forgot to turn off your computer in the room and have your camera operator try to save the take in hilarious fashion.....

Although it's been 2 weeks without an audition ( it happens all the time....even during the busy times so hold fast ) so many other wonderful affirming moments have happened. For starters, the scene in the film "Hello My Name is Doris" I shot over a year ago in which I didn't know of the audition, (thank goodness for my management pushing me) then shot but knew they had scraped the other shots of the day so was sure it wouldn't see the light of day, only to find out from a friend they had seen it for the SXSW screenings and saw me who assumed they may cut it out after but at least I made it through to that editing process and then get texts from friends seeing it on HULU in the past week with me...in the trailer...with Sally Field & Tyne Daly....unbelievable gloriousness! As an actor you just want to make it through the editing cuts, to say you were in the film only to know you were cut out is heartbreaking as an artist at times because you know there is no way you can use it to help your momentum forward towards the next step. You usually don't get copy of it, so no update on your reel; you get to talk about it which doesn't help your career really because there is no proof and it just kinda goes away. When you make the film, it is a joyous, celebratory occasion...when you make the trailer.....WOW!!!! I've now named it "The Little Scene That Could!"

 Also completed the process of getting my short ready for film festivals along with a trailer in which I now can say "I created that." Regardless of what happens, what I do, it is something I created from my mind and did it. You must as an artist, try to create...whether it's music, a play, a film...you can't wait on others to give to you, sometimes your best work will be the ones you stepped up to do yourself, so don't knock this part of your process, it'll make you a more well rounded artist/person. This has been years in the making and although I felt somewhat defeated when the Indiegogo campaign wasn't funded, I knew I still needed to move forward with the little money that was trusted to me to make this story. With less than $2,000 raised, we decided to use that money on equipment to help make the film by buying a mini slider for some of the shots (instead of using a wheelchair which most do at the beginning) and a shoulder rig. That money was gone quickly with the small equipment pieces needed and then we dumped what we could give (more than doubling the money ourselves) to help pay the actors who graciously worked - gas money, make up artist, other equipment needs and food. I made sure there was so much food for them to eat, snack and take home as well as a home cooked meal. I asked some dear friends of mine for their office in their back yard and although they were in the process of moving, they allowed me to come set up, film and feed the crew. I ended up shooting the rest of the scenes in my house which made the process a bit more easier. Although I wanted to shoot another episode from the series, what I could afford and do with great enough detail was what we shot. Compromise....but I feel like I got somewhat enough of a story to submit it to short film festivals now ( which is more out of the pocket expenses but totally worth doing) and see where it goes and the time right now, for a story created by a female, with an ethnic female, with a diverse cast set is right on time. So go...do...play!!!

 Currently in Mark Twain's "Adam & Eve" as one of the Eves at the Fremont Centre Theatre which has been an amazing experience. Getting a chance to work with a director who decided to be more creative in her casting and her take on the play was refreshing and creatively fulfilling artistically. I'm jumping around in those snazzy pants, dancing the tango a bit, wielding a sword and climbing my "brontosaurus/elephant" and swinging across bars with complete bliss. This is the 3rd and final play of my 3 play back to backers and I'm hoping to take a bit of a break in between but there is already an audition lined up next week for the New Year in which I'm looking forward to! Not only do I get to play with fellow/past Lifebookers, but we get to have guests like the NAACP come see us on opening weekend, along with my managers finally getting out to see a group of us because she signed most of the people I sent them who also happens to be in the play - HA! We get to wear the beautiful hats to play in after the show by Anita, kiss original books brought in by guests and with closing weekend here, it is something we have all accomplished! Wahoooooo to that!

Yes, I'm still finding time to work out as well as eat well and since I'm at the YMCA, I decided to add another class to my fitness routine - Pilates, which just kicked my butt in a whole other way! While training for my black belt, I took from my martial arts inspiration Bruce Lee and learned to cross train, to search out everything in everything and it still holds true today. I remember going to a tournament and watching the national Korean Tae Kwon Do team and then seeing many black belts scoff at them as they did a cardio kickboxing routine and was appalled at all the snickering. This amazing team was up there doing 3-5 kicks in the air, holding front kicks past their faces with no hands and entertaining most of the crowds with flips yet there was this superior outlook that somehow cardio kickboxing wasn't a part of real martial arts. Cardio Kickboxing to music doesn't replace becoming a martial artist but it does teach you to kick to music that is over 120 beats per minute. It does push you past a comfort zone of constant movement unlike any karate class I had ever taken and therefore made me quicker than most of my counterparts - which was apparent when I ended up in the wrong section of the tournament and had to fight all black belts and thoroughly beating them one by one being a brown belt at the time - don't let looks fool you. Realizing that this team found value in a "dancier" version of fighting was eye opening to me and I realized then that I must always search out ways to better my path. So I included yoga at the time to help with my balance and strength and even took some dance, hip hop classes to move more fluid instead of mechanical. These changes in my routine made me stronger, faster and more aware when sparring and I became a better martial artist for it. And yes, Cheri...I took Piloxing as well - HA!!!! Don't judge me gurl!!!!!

I also had to celebrate one last birthday for the month of October and luckily she's a vegan, healing herself naturally by all means. So I was able to celebrate her day with good ole, clean vegan eating at a new spot shared to me by other vegan friends in town. I saw it on Gilt City and bought the voucher for a dinner for two. Delish...when I say I'm lucky to be in L.A. because of the food, it also is for the progressiveness of vegan/vegetarian options. Most carnivores wouldn't be able to tell and the layer of foodie bliss you come in contact with now, will make any palate jump for joy...I know because I'm a carnivore that has slowly changed her routine around to eating vegan/vegetarian at least 5-6 days a week now. It took some convincing but when I realized I had the options to change, I decided for myself that if food can taste this good and be just as filling, then I should make the better choice for my body/health...thank goodness it was easy because I have choices like these. We went to Elovate and I never had creamier pesto pasta with sun dried tomatoes, tastier "1000 island dressing" to go with spring rolls, zestier nachos along with desserts that could turn anyone into a believer! Here's to good eating/drinking and fighting!!! CHEERS!!!!