Always a rush getting an audition at 6p in the evening for the next morning for times needed between 11a-1:30p only to already have an audition scheduled for later that evening so now you work out times to plot your course and hopefully make the most of your day at the same time. Had to contact casting on this one because no sides were sent until you confirmed a time and since I needed to figure out how to work out the spacing so I could be prepared for both, I did what I try not to do but found necessary at this time. Luckily it was only a page and a half of work with more emotions than speaking and I decided since I needed more time to focus on the new World Premiere play audition over at Boston Court in Pasadena ( because I always need to put my best foot forward with Michael Donovan Casting since he tries to call me in ) I wanted to give myself some breathing room to just be instead of rushing from one audition to the next. Some days, we get that luxury - most days, it is what it is and you just knock 'em out as they come. I asked for the 11a or close to that time slot and worked on the sides here and there until bed time, which only happened because of the wonderful Michael J. who took my morning/evening to teach at Lifebook. Woke up, left on time ( which is a miracle, because that means I left 15 minutes before the time I planned on leaving ) and made it to the Complex in Hollywood 10 minutes early. Of course they were late but it gave me plenty of time to decompress and focus on my emotional life in the scene. I always want to add depth to my character, a deeper purpose regardless of how easy/peezy the scene wants to be...I feel that and must portray that, it's not that I just cry, but I need to feel that emotional connection of why I am and it is usually deeper than what it states on paper. I've always found it interesting when actors think they can act once they cry, they figure it's the last hurdle to really know how to act...to shed tears can be a difficult process to overcome but to understand the depths of the reasoning is the art form. I've seen people cry to cry and that doesn't move me but I can always tell when someone cries with purpose and the beautious engagement that occurs with a viewer can alter so many perceptions. I also understand not crying, which has been more of my work as of late since tears can come a bit easier for me and with the help of amazing directors that know it's in my bag, ( like Saundra ) have made me push to reveal less at times which is yet another aspect of acting that I am smitten by. Hold, don't hold, let loose, give a little, give it your all...at the right time, done the right way is the art form so please don't stop this process as you proceed to getting over the crying hump...there is so much more to learn yet - keep at it and discover, that is where the richness lies! A couple of takes, then a whole 7 - 10 minute improv'd scene where I kept going...didn't hear cut so I didn't stop the scene, I keep discovering until I felt it was time to end it by sending the other actress to get my tea, breaking down hard one last time to getting it together and watching my "made up" son play in the other room. I would've kept on had it not been for the other gal, but since she seemed stuck in her one place I felt there was no where else to go after so sometimes you create to end which is a wonderful space to be in at an audition. Loved getting the chance to play and a chance to give a wider variety of emotions other than crying just because the scene stated such. Got great feedback with no redirects so I slipped out, wiped off my crazy, mascara running eyes and went home to finish reading the script to the play audition for that evening. Almost finished the full play but since it was so heavy, I could only do so much reading at a time. Getting to play a recovering tweeker/addict is always something I've wanted in my arsenal so I had really poured my heart into this scene. I had picked up some treats and made some for the room since I missed thanking Michael Donovan for his trust in me for "When Stars Align." I got to my audition 30 minutes early to just focus and noticed one other Asian gal in the room along with one other black girl. I saw about 15 girls while I was there, so just seeing a couple of minorities thrilled me to pieces...especially for a meth character living in the country at an orchard. This meant they were open and this gives me more hope when I audition because although I appreciate being the only minority in the room, I also know it's not a serious consideration...it may be an option, so these odds as bleak as they may seem, give me a better shot in the room. I go in to a room of 6 people, I keep the hello's short and dive onto that emotional rollercoaster and although there is only one person reading, I must look at another person as well to include them in the scene. The artistic director tells me I'm riveting/interesting to watch and likes all of my choices but felt I was too clean, too in to feeling control of the situation and wanted to see another take where I didn't know how it was going. We did the first page in which she stopped me immediately to let me know that I had taken the note beautifully and there was nothing more for her to see! Also gave me a heads up on calling me for a staged reading of something else as well since there may be a part for me...YAY and...whew! I stayed true with what I felt to be real about the addict I created. I've never used, never been addicted to substance so I had to watch some real addicts, discover & create from my world of addiction and go play from there. I'm always worried that I can't dig deep enough to be honest in the character but I have learned to trust what I know and it hasn't lead me astray. Gave them their treats ( yes, even the receptionist busting her butt because she deserves a thank you as well ) and left confidently knowing I gave them my truth!!! Now, just crossing my fingers and on to the next!!! Do it, ponder for a moment & then leave it...then celebrate...just know, that small unwrapped cheesecake in the picture was my celebration treat for my first audition and for the second...Ta Da....got a cake pop from the director, Danette of "Adam & Eve" and had saved it for a couple of days to treat myself on my cheat day!!! HA...2 desserty celebrations in one day for crying my heart out all day for complete strangers all eye balling me - I deserved every sugary bit! Yummers!
Got a call from my gurl, Terri about a game show run thru - huh - exactly. Basically the GSN develops new games and is in need of players good at trivia etc, ( When did the Berlin Wall Come Down??? - Terri guessed and got it right, wahoo!!!) so they have people like me & my friends show up to play in the competition which doesn't air and where you don't win money, but you get bragging rights and decent cash for 3 hours. Enough for a full tank of gas and lunch which is worth it when you don't have anything else going on...the only problem could be the commitment needed a few days in advance and when you don't know your schedule for the most part, this can be difficult to line up. Somehow, the universe was in sync and there was no stress added to any of the two days we had to show up and try to beat the opposing team. Never been at GSN so that was fun but not so much the over hour drive in 9a traffic on a Friday for the 2nd showing, which starts at 7:30a on the 405, what a cool experience to know that's out there floating around! Pending on days or time/availability, I'd do it again if it came up...gotta hang with friends ( even got a chance to get another friend to fill in on the team on the day we lost but in high fashion right Bub??? What does ROFL stand for man - ha, ha, ha! ), eat good food at vegan thai - curry noodles with fried tofu/build your own sandwich/fresh salad bar at Mrs. Winston's where you can guess the weight on Fridays, if correct you win lunch and compete over trivia!!! Who knew?!?!
This past week ended my 3 play trilogy and boy did I not only celebrate properly by having a breakfast of champions ( why yes, that is cashew milk snickerdoodle ice cream with my pancakes with coconut whip - how else would you eat pancakes!!! ) with flowers from the wonderful Randy, I am able to say I did that! Keeping 3 plays compartmentalized in your brain while doing auditions and trying to live was a challenge like no other but one I now know I am able to do and will not allow fear in doing so to even enter the picture. Exhausting - HELL YES, but absolutely fulfilling in letting me know that my body & mind can take that, do it and WIN. With every fiber of your being, fight to challenge yourself always...don't ever feel comfortable in your comfortability, always push for something more, something you may fall flat on your face and if you do, you did that, you tried it and now you can try it again because the outcome of what you learn is always different. Gift your artistry with something more than the known, your work will grow because of it, regardless of whether you feel like you "failed" or not. Look, "failing" is part of the artist's way, it's life and we do life, but it's not so much failing as it is learning and growing. We like to self deprecate and use the word "fail" to keep us from trying again or moving past ourselves, this keeps us as true artists??? Not in the slightest! We are beautiful, strong creatures trying to change the world with the arts and we are told we're not enough every day by rejection but like a child that needs to express what is inside of them, we must not allow the weight of negativity to hinder our exploration of growing. We can do this, we can change that, we can and we must...evolve, that's what we do! I want to change this business so that the next young, mixed, exotic girl growing up and wanting to be an actress will not have to face the fact that she is mixed, exotic etc in that room when she walks in. That her talent will be all that is required and noticed, she will only worry about her work, her art that she brings but not her appearance, that is what I strive for as an artist now. To change this idea of what I am and who I can play because of what I look like, to even put a dent in this will be my success...I look forward everyday to this life challenge!
Loved seeing these wondrous faces of support during the run of "Adam & Eve." To create such a statement through art has inspired my focus on my project "JANE." Loved being a part of something so different, so open and so physically challenging for me in different ways. I remember having to set a full table with food, placements, silverware in a scene from "Flyin' West" never having done it before to that extent while chatting away and being present with lines, realizing in life we always do this so why does it seem so hard now. Realizing that as you play, as you become more ingrained with the character, the lines are the lines of life and you are doing life, so once that fear of doing a lot and spilling out what I needed to say was pushed aside, it's the one thing I look for in my scenes now. Not just reading it out, but what else can I do, not to just do but to do with purpose so see, I still grow! Thanks for these wonderful memories and thanks for all the good energy/vibes/thoughts sent whether you could be there or not. Still can't believe I did that...so happy I did!Now it is time to hang out with my baby, catch some sun and enjoy this process of art! Until next time...
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