The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 16 ( Audition 17 )

I wanted this audition so badly...not really for the role but who the role would be with and just getting back into Patton Casting is always a nice refresher for me to remind them of me, once again. As I was memorizing the words for the role, I realized this wasn't flowing off my tongue as I wished, I just kept stumbling and through working it out in front of my beast, we got to the problem. Sometimes words on the page don't translate to you speaking them into life, there's a disconnect and the flow is broken so the memorization can be difficult and here is where you have to decide on whats more important to you. I rarely do this because I respect writers too much even to change the smallest of words but when I'm stumped and have gone through the process and also know a couple of real life people this character is based on, I have to go with the realness of how it would be said. Of course this is a risk...they may think you've gotten the lines all wrong and that is something you'll have to live with unless you get the job which is when it's up for discussion. Again, it's absolutely rare but I remember auditioning for "Major Crimes" awhile back and this line was stumping me. I decided not to change it but I tripped over it repeatedly and it happened during the audition...I didn't change it to suit me. I found out later that all the actresses had pretty much screwed that chunk of dialogue up and the writers rewrote it and they got a whole new slew of actors to audition for that...not me, nor the other actresses that had the problem. I was annoyed I wasn't given that chance especially with the rewrites but I made a mental note that if an audition stumped me because I only had an evening with the words to let it settle, then I would readjust the words to better suit me. That doesn't mean I went in and rewrote the words, I just rearranged them to help me get to what I was saying. This role was for a real estate agent and one of the lines seemed to come out of nowhere and disrupt the flow, for me and the beast, we absolutely knew that this line was suppose to be in the beginning or the end but it was smack dab in the middle and it was making my memorization life difficult. So after failing at saying it the way it was written profusely, I had to rearrange the line to finish with it at the end, just no way around it. I wasn't going to allow myself to trip over the words in an office that I've had good readings with so I decided what was important to me over booking the role...getting the words out the way I would say them. It was a great test, maybe if I had them for 2 or 3 days I could let them sink in but not with a night so in I went as an artist. I was nervous, it was an okay role but with a well known actor with whom I wouldn't mind having a scene with, I even watched an episode just to get a feel of the pacing and ended up binge watching the show after because it was so well done. I felt comfortable enough beneath the nervousness of changing the words and it came out as it should for me - REAL...and I was told the read was nice with no redirects, even caught her watching me which was important in my book. I noticed the other ladies auditioning looked way older than me but I was going to put up a fight and that is all you can do as an artist. Next time I'll be even more confident at rearranging lines if need be but I won't put myself into the position of knowing the flow is wrong for me and still trying to make it work when I don't have the time to do so. I was so proud of myself for just making that happen, I decided a lunch special at Lotus Vegan Thai was in order...especially since it was basically across the street! YAY to the little wins of risk taking as artists....let's celebrate!!!!

Can't wait to share my 'Bama nurse with you in the upcoming film "Ole B.R.Y.C.E." done with #TeamRamseyEntertainment. Loved working with this talented group of creators that shot scenes in a more interesting way and allowed us to improv our way out of a scene. Creative freedom on set is one of the most exhilarating experiences as an artist one can have...so humbled to not only get a chance to use my accent that I've been perfecting for years ( and told by Mr. Ramsey, straight up Alabama, that my accent was on point,) but to play alongside Ms. Morman once again. We had a show years ago that could've went through but it didn't happen so it's always nice to finally reconnect...thanks Eric for making this happen!!! Loved that I could be a part of a film that takes a look into black experimentation that has been denied and we as artists can bring these moments of time to be up for discussion. So proud to be a part of making this type of art...WAHOO!!!

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 15 ( Audition 16 )

To go or not to go was the question which I answered by going only to be answered with a lot of stress which one must learn as an actor to contain. I rarely post anything negative, not because negatives don't happen, I just don't want to breathe any more life into them than what is already given. I like to look at the glass as half full and I always will because I've noticed my soul is generally more happy when I do. I've been booked for a couple of weeks for a couple of days to finish up my voice over work on my hush-hush project which is paying quite well. I don't know if there was a breakdown in communication between my agents but I also got an audition for the 2nd day of my session for the Young and the Restless. I decided to accept although I reminded my agency of the time I was suppose to be at my booked job but let them know I'd go at least an hour early just to play it safe. I arrived an hour early...I was the first...they hadn't even started so I sat hoping I'd get call in eventually. Eventually turned into the latter and I was sweating bullets sending messages all over to everyone stating how sorry I was but letting them know my current situation. Of course I'm there early, of course it doesn't start early, in fact it starts 10 minutes late and I've been there for too long to just leave now, so I wait and go in first. It took everything in me to calm my nerves, leave it all out there and just do my read...it came out beautifully thank goodness and casting stated it was perfect the first time, no need to do it again. I raced my booty to the bathroom and across the lot and began my 35 minute drive to my voice over session that began at 3p, in which now with navigation I was told I'd be there at 4:03p. I sent a few more texts, let my agent know and I booked it in Hollywood traffic at 3:30p, URGGHHHHHH. I had to call my beast to calm my nerves...I was so angry with myself, with my agency, with this traffic but took responsibility for the situation at hand but I had to VENT. My beast listened as I blamed it all, including myself on the predicament I had put myself into but I had to lay blame on my agency as well since I would've never known about the audition had I not gotten the audition because my agency knew I was booked at the exact same time. Although I had let them know I was booked for work, I didn't press them either...I should've made them call the casting office to see if they could definitely see me sooner, even if it was 15 minutes earlier but I stated I would just go early. If I wasn't submitted, who knows how long before I got an audition with this casting office so I understood, I just didn't handle it well...it had been too long since a soap opera audition came my way and this office needed to know me, so I didn't set off any alarms by being pushy. I get my agency's position and although angered at the time, now with a week to return to the norm, I'm glad they did it but I wish they had offered immediately to take care of the situation. I blame myself for wanting the audition so badly, I didn't say no upfront. I should've been the responsible artist and stated I was already booked and to change the times but I didn't because I wanted to be seen. However, now I am causing waves with my booked job, so no good for my reputation and I take my reputation very highly, it's all I've got in this business...being a professional. My beast offered solutions which is why when I'm upset, I lean on his goodness. He let me vent, he checked it once I seemed to be over the initial wave and told me to get it outta my mind to let it all go because what is done, is done. I was where I was at now and I had to make the most of it. He then gave me some solutions according to my personality, which is why I call when I'm stressed and not thinking clearly, I need his open eyes and calming voice on my current situation. After giving me choices, he asked what I was going to do about it because he knew I was going to do something about this mess, I just needed to be guided out of my red zone and into the happy "Leilani" again. I focused on getting to my session as quickly as possible, going in set and ready to go with all this stress pushed aside for now and apologizing profusely while offering a few round of drinks on me at their choosing...all of which I did. I took responsibility for my actions, I thanked them for their time and went into the booth with razor sharp focus ready to slay it all...and slay I did. I honed into my work and within the 3 hours without going over a minute more, but actually finishing early, I delivered...I was distraught all the way through but the director guided me and my passion of what I was doing, finished it off. What was set for a 4 hour job was punched into 3 and I couldn't be more happy with my art. They all took a rain check on the drinks but I figured I'd either come bearing gifts the next time or force them all out. They were just as confident in me and I couldn't be more grateful but I'd never put myself in that position again with out finding out all options available to me. I will make waves, I will ask questions and I will do my best to get it right the next time. I was upset my agency submitted me but I understood, I was annoyed they didn't call and try to make changes but I should've demanded that and I was angry for putting myself in this position but I'm glad I felt what this problem could bring. Even through the stress, I had a wonderful audition and a fantastic voice over session...glad I was able to do both and thank goodness for already setting up a standard on my work with these good people that trusted that I would deliver. Happiness now, that I got this lesson in dealing with this situation because just when you think you got it, you learn that you don't and you grow and growing is always good!!! If you set a precedent on being professional, when things go awry, people will trust you and give you a pass because we all make mistakes, we're human but you as an artist must set that standard up so there is no question in their minds, that you can do the job regardless of what happens. Show up and show out every chance you get...

The last 2 days of voice overs on my hush-hush project has come and gone with ease, stress and much love for the experience. 4 to 8 hours in a booth for a few days, hearing your voice is disorienting to say the least and to try to capture moments of truth through the process is an art form. I imagined being in certain scenarios with no reference points but you let your imagination fly and you keep on soaring until you hear that voice come back to you telling you they got it. So many words and I am thankful for being a book worm when I was younger, I am thankful for always daydreaming ( although yelled at about it ) and I am thankful I've always taken my craft seriously. I never trained for this, but I was prepared through my sheer determination of wanting to create art always and this is what saved me when things went wrong. Don't take your training for granted, what you do in classes and on stage will define you as an artist. We want to work now but sometimes the universe takes it's time with that process and you must keep at it until it's your time because when the spotlight turns to you, not only do you shine for that moment, you get to be proud of your work. When madness, mayhem and chaos hits your space, training will center and squash it all - keep focused on what's important my beautiful creatures - YOUR ART!!!!

Officially celebrating with whiskey because I'm a whiskey gal now...CHEERS to us and all that is in us to push through! MUAH ( and thank goodness for jobs that pay well so we can celebrate right every now and then.... )

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 14 ( Audition 15 )

You can make money with all parts of your body in this business and I've been told my hands got it but I've never been quite sure of how to get them in. I did a print job for computers in my younger years that used only my hands but nothing since, until today! Listed on one of the casting sites that came to my email was a job with no facial recognition given, only hands would have the ad and I decided I'd submit. Why not??? Surprisingly I was given an audition and showed up with my hands looking as clean as possible ( pushing back and getting those darn cuticles that have been just living fully ) and although I had hoped to brush them with a clear polish since I couldn't get them manicured, it was all wishful dreaming. That's from the martial artist in me that could care less of my fingers and toes, they're getting bashed up anyway and years of that type of thinking has put me at a disadvantage in this lucrative business as I've been told. So with the cleanest nails I could muster up from the night before, my hands took center stage and went through the slating process and then the closeups to the actual audition of hands doing "stuff." Funny how you become absolutely aware of them all of the sudden, the way you hold a glass to the way you put a tray down..you become this awkward creature watching your hands do stuff, such an interesting process but so much fun. I didn't have to really care about the other aesthetics that are usually so much more demanding. I think I can get use to these and the next time I do head shots, I'll slip a couple of hand modelling looks to boot just in case for future reference and I hope you do the same. I mean, why not let your hands work...they're already doing that as is, why not get paid for it? Let's not limit ourselves as we're pushing to keep moving forward in this difficult business, I've seen too many actors let pride keep them from making ends meet and while they're riding high for a bit, it's the low/below times that you need to get work. This is where I feel like you should never act as though that things are beneath you and some would argue with me but I'm a survivalist for my career. So bring on the stand in work, extra work in commercials usually, low budget films/shorts that only pay $50 - $125/per day or so because that's a part for my reel and while others are looking down at that, I'm getting days into my SAG/Aftra health plan, credits on my resume and working with people I never thought I'd have a shot at working with. Yep, "Hello My Name is Doris" was low budget and thank goodness I went because it's not like you know who's going to be in the film usually, in the first place. Yes, we all want those big jobs, that'll come...usually here and there but in the mean time, get yourself some work by using what you've got now and I'm about to use these hands up!!! Even learned the correct way to slate hands for this particular job, extra info always good to know....WOW!!!

"Walk Away" made it to the Silicon Beach Festival and it was one of those few times I requested off from work in order to be there to support it and see what this wonderful story looked like on the big screen. I remember shooting it during a very busy time but since it was for my "The Package" peeps, ( even Bruce showed up to offer his support) - Sue and Brian, I had to do it plus the script was too good to pass up. Very proud of this short and although I cringed through the "snotty, tear droppin" scenes, I was so happy to see it up on the big screen...reminding myself of where I want my work to end up. With all the rejection and madness that surrounds us daily on our journey, remember to go celebrate your moments of work! It's okay not to like watching yourself, but you must learn to be okay with taking pride in your work...you've studied hard, you've heard a lot of no's, you spent time and energy on this script and it's finally out, so go enjoy this process and celebrate all that is you finally getting to do what you dream. Quiet goes your self doubt of believing you deserve this goodness, silence your own worst critic within you and enjoy sharing what you've worked so hard to accomplish. No need to brag, we know how hard it is after it all but allow yourself an opportunity to celebrate this moment, this time that is all you...it's okay to feel good about yourself and what you're doing! Tomorrow is back to the daily grind of it all and you'll be out there reminding yourself - "Just keep swimmin" - and swim you shall!!!

This lifestyle is stressful and so easy to fall into a dark place, taking care of oneself is rule number one...never shirk on making sure you're okay. Getting to classes at supportive schools that aren't only about the critique but the growth of your work is necessary as well as working out and eating well and it's not all as expensive as it sounds. Yes, organic/vegetarian/vegan eating out is expensive for the most part ( I've learned to make 2 meals out of the outing, especially at places like Real Food Daily which has wonderful peanut butter creme pies ) but learning how to cook it yourself can save you so much money, especially if you make the time to shop at the necessary places. I go from the Grocery Outlet, to Trader Joes, to Sprouts and then to Whole Foods and it helps with my budget as well as getting quality at the cheapest prices possible. One of my favorite breakfast dishes for my once a week treat, is peanut butter pancakes in which I not only put some pure peanut butter powder into the batter, I slather it on the top as well as adding sliced bananas and cinnamon and on really good mornings I'll add some chocolate chips to the batter as well. I've also added a TRX group training classes taught by the hardcore trainer Basem himself, offered at the Y for free to my weekly regimen which just puts me out with all it's own body weight moves along with just core conditioning. Working out allows me to enjoy my whiskey in the evenings, desserts during the day and the stress of life in general, keep at it even during the times you feel nothing is happening for you because mentally, it's helping with the much needed balance. Take care of yous my arties, this business is comin' at you with the negative, fight back hard by being as prepared as possible - mind, body and soul. Show 'em what you're made of!!!!