The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 2 ( Audition #3 )

Light skin vs dark skin...what skin...we black skin - and the sooner we recognize that, appreciate/love it all ourselves, we're not gonna make anyone else do it either! I understand this rift created by others and perpetuated by us but in 2018, I am ecstatic now when I can walk into a room filled with shades of color...it's been a long time coming and I'm in no competition with any of it, only myself and my art and it's been that way for me for a very long time. By my looks alone, I should've went with ingenue to leading lady - whatevs...that's not my life nor my skill set, not for my soul. Because of my skin tone, I was to be the rap guy's girlfriend, the naked lady, the bourgeoisie gal that married for money because what else does she have to offer the world...it's a box and one I wouldn't/won't conform to, to make my journey easier. What people see and what they get when it comes to me will always tickle my soul. I'm not here to fit into a stereotype and if you aren't either, quit fighting with your fellow artists, shifting blame for being seen because of skin tone and step into the ring to create your "own" because talent will eventually win - PERIOD! I fought so hard against this type of booking that I gained weight just to be considered a character actress...I was young, my peers were all about getting in at the time but I always knew, I didn't have that black girl/white look kinda thing going on for me and when not too many ladies my age at this particular time was wearing natural hair, I decided to go curly because I was tired of the auditions I was getting. I even quit ( some of it being slow but most for what I couldn't be seen for, ) took up martial arts to prove to myself that I was more than what I looked like to this industry and although I gave up precious years, I learned a lot about myself and what I was willing to do to get to where I want to be. Besides life circumstances, I took my own road because when I walk into a room, I want them to underestimate me all the time...did this in fights during tournaments and getting an audition is no different. I worked on my craft, took interesting roles for free at times so I could build my resume and fought for roles I felt I should get an opportunity to be seen for, even when I knew I may have no chance in hell, I just wanted to be in the room to prove I deserved to be there on talent alone. Have I lost parts to darker complected women - OF COURSE, have I lost parts to lighter skinned tones - YES, I have lost parts to women this industry considers close to my shade but not black, ie hispanics/indians/exotic - DEFINITELY. This is the way this business is ran and until we get more open minded individuals into places of power, we're gonna be boxed, stereotyped and pushed into conformity if we as artists don't decide to fight back that outlook and not each other. I'm not seen as African although my DNA is half Nigerian...I'm not seen as Asian although I'm a bit Chinese, a quarter Japanese born in Korea and my hair although curly and had to be trained, looks different from other black, curly haired girls gracing the commercials for the most part right now, I can't fit in unless I basically make myself and it's just not in my spirit to do it. I almost lost out on just the opportunity to be seen for "Black Panther" because of my skin tone and height but my work proved me into a callback at least where I was 1 of 3. Then I lost out in a Nigerian based play for maybe some choices I decided on that I wasn't going to budge from the audition process but I also realized I was the only one of my particular skin tone there - no mothers, not a sister not even the gal I was up against. When told to modify some behavior which I would've done on a particular scene but not the scene I kept getting called in for because I felt there was a relief from some levity, a change in characteristics and I don't want to do anything where I'm angry for 2 hours or having to show that for 2 hours because for me, showing hardness the whole time is like watching paint dry. You gotta make your choices as an actress and decide when you're firm, this can change once you know more of the story or see the director's vision but you've gotta walk in knowing who this character is to you and risk it all for them to see...some get it, most don't but you did your job and that is all that matters. Even through that, I don't blame other skin tones, I still see it as a different choice of vision and the fact that my choice didn't gel with them - in the end, their loss, not mine and with that, I was in the room with some beautiful women and that made my soul happy! A few years ago, a director had a vision of what her choices were for pioneer women and it wasn't me...but because she was open to having the best actor on stage, I along with another wonderful actress, Cheri who was also considered wrong for the role but had waited almost 20 years to play it, booked the job. I can't say that too many people would've given me the shot to play this role because of my skin tone, but I walked in giving what I thought was deserving and new to the role and that changed the wonderful director's mind which I've done in several theatre gigs that I've been able to do with her now. She has literally told me, "This role, isn't for you...it's not you, we already have someone else..." and then I walk in, I do what choices I feel would be different, no neck rolls or eye rolls if the role doesn't call for it, being vulnerable instead of hard, laughing when there is no laughter etc, because it's a period piece/contemporary and I want my character distinguished differently in certain work. You can walk in and look around and be distraught of what you may see get called in the room or you can see beauty in it all and then show why you're there by shining as bright as you can, because talent is undeniable and they can only push against it for so long. So go out and create, make your own box while keeping your mind clear for what you want to accomplish in that room...YOU ARE THE STAR WHENEVER GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY!!!

With all of that, I didn't book the role after callbacks as stated above on an African play that I would've loved to have been a part of but I know that something else is waiting for me to claim. So I went to this same day, late night ( 7:30p ) audition after work and the only reason I was okay with it, was the fact that it was going to be all improv. I feel like most people will respect the actor's process and try to give you an evening with the material and then it's up to you to jump in or back out. I've backed out on plenty that I've felt was too much material in such short amount of time and found it disrespectful for my art. I get it that things happen but unless it's a last minute fill in on a big project, I still get a say so on how I expend my work. Improv is important and expected in this business so be prepared to jump into these by taking classes at Groundlings, UCB or even local friends holding sessions to work improv. Lucky for me, although I was totally uncomfortable at first, my last acting studio - Lifebook - trained me in the art of dramatic improv with comedic moments but when it's real, things can be naturally laughable. I hope you're getting this in a class you're in, it's necessary as an actress/actor and it's a skill needed in your bag if you want to compete in this industry. Don't let a little training you could've pushed yourself through be the reason you miss out on a gig that had your name written all over it. No I haven't attended the big improv schools but I feel comfortable in any given situation if given the opportunity because my training has been such and once I'm able, I'll take a few sessions with my local artist friends because there is always room to improve and learn more. This late night audition caused me to pause in my awareness as a woman, so I made sure to write every last bit of detailed info for my beast to have and left with a plan of contact before and after the audition. I arrived to a high rise apartment complex with security in the front and they already had a sign in sheet...always look for those and everyone was already on the first floor lobby, because it was being held in the conference room right to the side. Nothing wrong with bringing a friend to wait with you or even giving out info of your whereabouts to a significant other/friend/ artist etc because you should never walk into a last minute audition to a space you've never heard of or been in the late evening or even during the day without someone else's idea of where you're at. I'd like to say this business is pretty much on the up and up if you stay aware but there are some shady moments you should listen to your senses about. If you get to a place and see no other actors or if it's in the middle of nowhere or if it's in a room that you're not quite sure of, PLEASE listen to your intuition and let security know, a friend come with you for the cost of dinner or a text sent to a friend/mate that will have all your info and that you're strong enough to walk away immediately if you feel sideways about it before you're even put into a position of any question if you can. Otherwise walk in with your phone on and someone on the line...I felt good after sitting with women, some auditioning some friends just hanging out and was able to let my art fly after asking "How far would you like this scene to go" only to hear, where ever it takes you...so I did a funny bit by myself to start off the scene in a different direction then because of some of the lines handed to me by the other artist, I was able to go where need be to have tears running down my face even before I was aware and then to stop that direction into a happy place to show range. Good improv will teach you that, don't knock it, just find one that works with your vision...had the cd and the other actress stating how shocked they were to see real tears during this scene. That is all you can do, DO you, DO your work, give them your art and leave knowing what you accomplished whether they call or not...YOU let them know YOU were in that room and YOU were not only deserving, YOU are there to push forward your art as well!!!

An audition, a callback and 2 voiceovers to take out the week...I keep trying to see if I can break through this new venture of voice work and all you can do is try it all. This is where I say, if you've worked on your craft and feel confident, try new things without worry. Don't let you not having the latest commercial class/voiceover class etc. get you to miss out on opportunity. Go from what you have already and play, then when chance happens to get you into a place of learning more, go do that but don't hinder yourself in the meantime if you know the gist of the game. Yes, I'll eventually take a workshop to learn more, to be better even at just words through a microphone because I'm sure there are tricks to this side of this type of work, but in the meantime, through trial and error and patience from my agency, I'm going to keep voicing it up to see where this may all take me. Feel the fear of newness and then remember WHO YOU ARE...be BRAVE, be BOLD and show them all, what you got, don't limit your vision for their lack of...GET IT ARTIES!!!!

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 1 ( Auditions #1 & #2 with one already dust... )

May 2018 be the year for us all...however small to leaps and bounds in everyone's dreams/careers, I send you all love knowing you can have it if only you start and persist. "What's really a definition of a Black Belt? A white belt that never gave up..." Dreams and careers are built on the back of PERSISTENCE...not when everything is all rosy but at it's darkest, when there's no money left, when you're sleeping in your car, when you can barely afford the dollar menu, when you've got to wear your clothes a few times before changing because that is all you have, when it feels like it'll be easier to walk away etc, that is when you dig your heels down in that dirt and push yo'self forward clawing, kicking and screaming because you deserve a shot but only YOU can get YOU that shot. So buckle in for the long haul cause it doesn't always smell like roses up in here...


Always re-check posts that you've submitted for, I've learned this in the past year because of some irregularities that would pop up. Personally, I do not submit for non-paying, deferred projects and that is only because I am no longer in that space in my career. Yes, I'll do it for friends and referrals maybe but I keep it all down to a bare minimum now because I feel I have distinguished my craft to a point that it should no longer be given away for free. It was a rough jump to decide this and I doubted myself while doing so but I decided I had done enough freebies in which I paid for by my gas, time, energy, effort, professionalism to get that character role for my reel or in my bag of tricks that for the most part, I don't need to do free variations of what I've created. It's great doing free projects, free isn't bad but there comes a point in your life/career that you understand that your work deserves a reward and you can't keep shelling out to keep it afloat, that you need some sort of compensation besides food to feel like you're moving forward and that's deserving. If you've put in your time, stretched your craft, pushed your insights and know that you know that you are a full artist, then you must demand that next step of yourself and then on others. Of course I still make room for a couple of great, free projects even stand in work/extra work on commercials ( although I rarely get those so consider them non-existent because when I do, I gotta cancel or leave set for other projects I may get ) when I have the time now but it's becoming tighter because I'm kept busy by some sort of paying acting gig even if it's at the realm of what my beast tells me is ridiculous. I understand that I deserve more, I just like working on projects that I usually won't get seen as and still get something in return  while pushing for the opportunities to be given a shot at a bigger project. Nothing like a micro budget to see everyone's artistry really shine at times and I'm no different...work is work and if my art pays a bit more than what I'd make at my weekend job days, then I figure it's paid work that'll pay a bill at least doing something I love. However, I have noticed while submitting now, I'll see the rate and look at the role and then submit if it's something I want to do but changes happen after. Last year, I noticed that after an audition every blue moon, I'd be told it's deferred which is interesting because again, I don't submit to deferred payment any longer - it's the one thing I pay very close attention to during my submission process. Of course I don't tell them to "bugger off" but I do let them know where I'm coming from and then allow the ball to be in their court because last thing I want to do is waste my time or theirs. DO NOT go off on people because you feel you have the right too, it's unnecessary...this may be their passion project or whatever and there is no need for you to mouth vomit how much you hate not getting paid for your craft, we all start somewhere and must do what we must in order to get ourselves out there, understand no matter where someone is at in their careers, sometimes freebies are a must to exchange for something higher up. This one notice was definitely a paid rate so I submitted but after upon receiving an audition notification I checked the listing again only to find that the rate was now negotiable but definitely deferred. I am definitely not giving you my ideas/creations/art to negotiate in the room for me...I just don't want that head ache now, either I am paid or I am not and one day, I'll negotiate for more if anything but not whether I should have some form of compensation. I decided I was going to let that audition go...I didn't even respond because I knew when I had submitted that there was pay and now there was a change unbeknownest to me until I rechecked. It's a bit shady on that side I'd say but you have to be meticulous in your work so double check so you don't have to deal with being in an uncomfortable position later. So life moves on and during this time 2 other auditions come into full swing so no need to even dwell...oh hey, even a voice over audition to boot!

This voice over side is a new step for me and just added recently since my agent decided to open that side back up. Thank goodness for my beast who keeps me up on all the techs to make my life easier so I can dabble without feeling lost because having a clean mic and knowing the info to clean up the tracks would give me a heart attack...I'm already stressing about the lines, now I've gotta worry about the technical aspect? If you're like me, hopefully you'll have someone you know that loves taking care of that part of the business otherwise I feel like it could get overwhelming at first...but that's in all things. I do enjoy having a little bit of extra work to audition on when I can, since these are more of a "if you get a chance" with me at the moment. You get sides, you read those sides...with paper, no camera...just you, the mic and the lines and yes, people make a living off of this so try it if it's in your grasp to do it. I even got an audition to read for a cartoon but would have to come up with a character voice and since I was already bogged down with the other 2 auditions, I decided now was not the time but how fun is that. You get a picture of what the character will look like and you as an artist get to create a distinct voice of your own...just magical so get in and do it, do it, do it - I'm gonna be pushing for this in the new year so I'll keep you up on my journey through these as well...

The day started off with an interview over at Conversation Live with James Farr, an amazing moderator I met during "Bee Luther Hatchee" along with his lovely daughter ( see last post. ) My interview was set for 1p with another actress however, with my day getting jammed with 2 auditions, I had to either cancel and feel like a flake or ask if a shuffle was possible and thank goodness I was given a 12p time slot instead. Dealing with the issues of casting couches, I was able to touch upon my push back and also my experience of not getting an opportunity to audition for a line because of it - someone was "spending time with one of the producers" so you know who got to say the line...but also my redirection because of it. I wanted to be taken seriously as an actress and be allowed to shine on my own merits, so avoiding that couch made me the actress I am today. 20 minutes of talk went by way too fast and I wished I was able to hit on other subjects but I left the young ones ( and older crowd as well ) with the message that YOU ARE EVERYTHING...do not allow these critiques, these boxes of who you are/should be or how some may try to treat you because again...YOU ARE EVERYTHING! Click link - Conversation.Live - full episode under Leilani Smith Jan. 10th, 12:05p

Again, I skipped over this submission...WHY? Because I haven't even tried really to work on an African accent of this magnitude, yes to a page in "Black Panther" because I'd be fighting most of the time anyway if gotten plus I'd work on it but a Nigerian accent with the Ibibio language...just not trying to embarrass myself. It's a weird spot to be, I'm not looked at as an African in the industry although if you know anything about Africa, you do know there are many shades, it's just not portrayed truly in this business as of yet. However, funny to find out that I am actually half Nigerian through my DNA test so I decided when called upon to audition via Donavan Casting once again, I took it. I watched a few videos and worked my words to form my best accent in 5 days as a challenge to myself even though I was already stressed from dealing with another audition the same day. Even had to ask for a time change on this audition so I could get to my pilot audition without a hitch. I read the script up to the sides and was somewhat relieved to see that the play didn't start for a few months ( more practice time ) and they'd have a dialect coach as well as the Nigerian writer to help with the language...(more practice.) Arrived to being the first in the room ( urghhhhh, I set a low bar but good for everyone else I guess - HA ) and was happy to see Gregg Daniel - director of the last play "HOME" I did at ICT and Michael behind the desk...if I was going to feel safe in trying new things, these are some of the faces I needed to see watching me. So I ripped into it with as much character feel I could create from this short time period and was relieved when done...they actually asked me to read for the other sister role who wouldn't have that much of an accent since she was more Americanized - WHEW!!! Thank goodness I took the time to read the script up to that point so I knew exactly what was going on for each character...if ever you are given the script, allot the time out to read it, moments like these happen and you need to know what is going on so you can react as quickly as possible. I was able to grab it, allow 2 gals in and then request to go back inside so as not to be pushed for my next audition. Had fun, did it without a hint of accent since I'm sure I ear pierced them enough during the first read that they got a sense that they'd have their work cut out with me but I'm glad I went, I'm glad I tried and I hope in the back of my soul, I get the opportunity to work on this role so that I will then have this accent so nailed down, I can use it for future reference at any point. Getting paid, on the job training is something I relish, so we'll see what happens...not expecting anything but boy I wouldn't mind being in the running! Fun-fun for my artist soul...let's push!


Bathroom switch up into black tight jeans, silk black tank and a short sleeve pinstriped blazer because I wanted to kill this 2nd audition...just eat it up and rip it apart because there was no reason for me not to. I did some research on the pilot and noticed good people attached plus I had been in this office the past year and now they were having me read for a series regular role...not recurring guest, not guest, not co-star but for a bite outta that big enchilada! Nervous I was but luckily they gave us about 5 days on the material but again, I was also trying to get my Nigerian on at the same time! I assume they already have a star that could be attached but that's not going to stop me from walking in and pushing that role into a new level, my level with my shine. Don't let yourself be caught up with all the no's that can happen...you gotta go in like that role is yours, it was meant for you and if they give it away, that is on them. That star attached could be busy as well as a couple of others they may have in mind and then BOOYA - your shot, so don't walk in defeated...the role is yours and they have to take it away from you! Make them pry it outta of your hands as they regret having to not give it to you...so I went at it. Took my moments but pushed the scene since that's how detective shows are timed and although I stumbled into giving a line a beat too fast, I recovered by giving a bit of a laugh of acknowledgement since it could work for that spot and just went through the rest putting it down!!!! They were nodding and smiling during some of my moments and after had no notes, so I slated and got outta there walking on a creative high. Not the most challenging role for me to create but it was the work I had to take on the beats, the moments, the looks when I wasn't talking that I knew I had nailed...giving life in a character that I'd like to watch. Have to save this celebration for another day since I really want to take myself out to a great vegan lunch, but for tonight, it's my mommy's recipe for a Korean dish and maybe even a coffee ice cream porter beer float to say...GET IT DONE WITH YOUR ART!!! Celebrate how you can, when you can...you are deserving! <3

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day #45 ( Audition #51 )

2018 is here and I'm still pushing for auditions til the last drop of 2017 because each year just keeps on getting better with more focus and love on my part. I decided last year not to stress about auditions, really to focus in on roles I needed to play and work on and let the negative aspects of this business not hinder my exploration of my art. YOU gotta let the negative go, whatever that manifests for you in your life, you as an artist cannot thrive in that climate...YOU cannot give, you cannot create freely, you cannot achieve even a simple step in happiness because you will be steadily trying to get yourself out of the muck and mire instead of enjoying your moments, your wins. What held you back this year? Your fear? Your excuses? Your blame shifting? Your short sight? Your disbelief? Your self sabotage? What can you shake of your persons this year? How can you do it? I for one started off years ago by less judgement...how? I decided each time I judged someone for anything, I would bring up something about myself that I found to be just as annoying or embarrassing...guess what, it worked! If I'm in traffic and someone just darts in front of me, I may get a bit pissed and then mention to myself how I did that the following week...then I smile and then that smiles turns to laughter. Releasing this need to secretly feel like others should "act" like me and realizing how flawed of a human I really am has made me look at others in a different light. Do I still scream out "You Welcome" when someone doesn't acknowledge that the door was held out for them, you betcha but I do it with an all knowing laugh at how oblivious we can all be in our own worlds. I still try and I still fail but it's gotten way better and I've received a kind of happiness to go along with it. It's a peace not having to have expectations thrust on people so instead of anger and disappointment, it's more astonishment and incredulous laughter...I was tired of negative so why promote it in subtle ways and through this, my art has grown. No I'm not even close to where I'd like to be but I feel more in control over my art, my space, my creatin' than ever before and I look forward to where this freedom will take me in my purpose this upcoming year. Learning to laugh at oneself, not self deprecate but to truly laugh at oneself will allow you to enjoy your moments of hurt, pain, joy, life etc, on a deeper level and the only way to get there is to let whatever is holding you back go. The more you connect with yourself the more you can see what pains you and what you must do to heal yourself...is it easy, not in the least but will you change, grow and put it in your work...you better believe it and then the drama comes and stays on the stage, your life will be your life....you may find it boring at times but boy will there be peace and happiness while your art thrives.

Very last audition of 2017 and it's an at home self submission once again...coming around and beginning to love these! No stressing about traffic, set times and my awkwardness in auditions at times ( see last post ) but the downside is knowing they may not get the jist of you nor catch certain moments because hell, the camera isn't all up in your face for a close up. They may shut it off because of something they may not like and not watch the rest but then again, they may and then they may just hire you to boot ( see a few posts before... ) There are pluses and minuses for face to face auditions to video submissions but you've got to believe that your art still shines in any situation and you will be seen. I had fun with this serious piece and played around with looking that I may be driving without miming that I am...not sure if it worked but it looked good enough to me! Releasing all of these auditions to make room for the new ones...here we go guys, let's put in the work to make 2018 even more <3. Make "wrong" choices ( you really can't but you have days that you feel it could've been better ), get tongue tied ( for no apparent reason because life... ), feel lost ( what the heck am I trying to say here with these writer's words ) etc, etc, etc and get over it by celebrating each of these moments as well as you celebrate your wins!!!

Whatever your choices may be going into the New Year, understand if it's in alignment with your being, you're on the right path for you but if you feel the slightest of hesitation or weirdness, acknowledge that and decide how to proceed from there. Let you shine this year, allow it to fill up a room and give yourself permission to not be on all the time but try to be in as much as possible. CHEERS to 2017 and HELLO 2018....