The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 2 ( Audition #3 )

Light skin vs dark skin...what skin...we black skin - and the sooner we recognize that, appreciate/love it all ourselves, we're not gonna make anyone else do it either! I understand this rift created by others and perpetuated by us but in 2018, I am ecstatic now when I can walk into a room filled with shades of color...it's been a long time coming and I'm in no competition with any of it, only myself and my art and it's been that way for me for a very long time. By my looks alone, I should've went with ingenue to leading lady - whatevs...that's not my life nor my skill set, not for my soul. Because of my skin tone, I was to be the rap guy's girlfriend, the naked lady, the bourgeoisie gal that married for money because what else does she have to offer the world...it's a box and one I wouldn't/won't conform to, to make my journey easier. What people see and what they get when it comes to me will always tickle my soul. I'm not here to fit into a stereotype and if you aren't either, quit fighting with your fellow artists, shifting blame for being seen because of skin tone and step into the ring to create your "own" because talent will eventually win - PERIOD! I fought so hard against this type of booking that I gained weight just to be considered a character actress...I was young, my peers were all about getting in at the time but I always knew, I didn't have that black girl/white look kinda thing going on for me and when not too many ladies my age at this particular time was wearing natural hair, I decided to go curly because I was tired of the auditions I was getting. I even quit ( some of it being slow but most for what I couldn't be seen for, ) took up martial arts to prove to myself that I was more than what I looked like to this industry and although I gave up precious years, I learned a lot about myself and what I was willing to do to get to where I want to be. Besides life circumstances, I took my own road because when I walk into a room, I want them to underestimate me all the time...did this in fights during tournaments and getting an audition is no different. I worked on my craft, took interesting roles for free at times so I could build my resume and fought for roles I felt I should get an opportunity to be seen for, even when I knew I may have no chance in hell, I just wanted to be in the room to prove I deserved to be there on talent alone. Have I lost parts to darker complected women - OF COURSE, have I lost parts to lighter skinned tones - YES, I have lost parts to women this industry considers close to my shade but not black, ie hispanics/indians/exotic - DEFINITELY. This is the way this business is ran and until we get more open minded individuals into places of power, we're gonna be boxed, stereotyped and pushed into conformity if we as artists don't decide to fight back that outlook and not each other. I'm not seen as African although my DNA is half Nigerian...I'm not seen as Asian although I'm a bit Chinese, a quarter Japanese born in Korea and my hair although curly and had to be trained, looks different from other black, curly haired girls gracing the commercials for the most part right now, I can't fit in unless I basically make myself and it's just not in my spirit to do it. I almost lost out on just the opportunity to be seen for "Black Panther" because of my skin tone and height but my work proved me into a callback at least where I was 1 of 3. Then I lost out in a Nigerian based play for maybe some choices I decided on that I wasn't going to budge from the audition process but I also realized I was the only one of my particular skin tone there - no mothers, not a sister not even the gal I was up against. When told to modify some behavior which I would've done on a particular scene but not the scene I kept getting called in for because I felt there was a relief from some levity, a change in characteristics and I don't want to do anything where I'm angry for 2 hours or having to show that for 2 hours because for me, showing hardness the whole time is like watching paint dry. You gotta make your choices as an actress and decide when you're firm, this can change once you know more of the story or see the director's vision but you've gotta walk in knowing who this character is to you and risk it all for them to see...some get it, most don't but you did your job and that is all that matters. Even through that, I don't blame other skin tones, I still see it as a different choice of vision and the fact that my choice didn't gel with them - in the end, their loss, not mine and with that, I was in the room with some beautiful women and that made my soul happy! A few years ago, a director had a vision of what her choices were for pioneer women and it wasn't me...but because she was open to having the best actor on stage, I along with another wonderful actress, Cheri who was also considered wrong for the role but had waited almost 20 years to play it, booked the job. I can't say that too many people would've given me the shot to play this role because of my skin tone, but I walked in giving what I thought was deserving and new to the role and that changed the wonderful director's mind which I've done in several theatre gigs that I've been able to do with her now. She has literally told me, "This role, isn't for you...it's not you, we already have someone else..." and then I walk in, I do what choices I feel would be different, no neck rolls or eye rolls if the role doesn't call for it, being vulnerable instead of hard, laughing when there is no laughter etc, because it's a period piece/contemporary and I want my character distinguished differently in certain work. You can walk in and look around and be distraught of what you may see get called in the room or you can see beauty in it all and then show why you're there by shining as bright as you can, because talent is undeniable and they can only push against it for so long. So go out and create, make your own box while keeping your mind clear for what you want to accomplish in that room...YOU ARE THE STAR WHENEVER GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY!!!

With all of that, I didn't book the role after callbacks as stated above on an African play that I would've loved to have been a part of but I know that something else is waiting for me to claim. So I went to this same day, late night ( 7:30p ) audition after work and the only reason I was okay with it, was the fact that it was going to be all improv. I feel like most people will respect the actor's process and try to give you an evening with the material and then it's up to you to jump in or back out. I've backed out on plenty that I've felt was too much material in such short amount of time and found it disrespectful for my art. I get it that things happen but unless it's a last minute fill in on a big project, I still get a say so on how I expend my work. Improv is important and expected in this business so be prepared to jump into these by taking classes at Groundlings, UCB or even local friends holding sessions to work improv. Lucky for me, although I was totally uncomfortable at first, my last acting studio - Lifebook - trained me in the art of dramatic improv with comedic moments but when it's real, things can be naturally laughable. I hope you're getting this in a class you're in, it's necessary as an actress/actor and it's a skill needed in your bag if you want to compete in this industry. Don't let a little training you could've pushed yourself through be the reason you miss out on a gig that had your name written all over it. No I haven't attended the big improv schools but I feel comfortable in any given situation if given the opportunity because my training has been such and once I'm able, I'll take a few sessions with my local artist friends because there is always room to improve and learn more. This late night audition caused me to pause in my awareness as a woman, so I made sure to write every last bit of detailed info for my beast to have and left with a plan of contact before and after the audition. I arrived to a high rise apartment complex with security in the front and they already had a sign in sheet...always look for those and everyone was already on the first floor lobby, because it was being held in the conference room right to the side. Nothing wrong with bringing a friend to wait with you or even giving out info of your whereabouts to a significant other/friend/ artist etc because you should never walk into a last minute audition to a space you've never heard of or been in the late evening or even during the day without someone else's idea of where you're at. I'd like to say this business is pretty much on the up and up if you stay aware but there are some shady moments you should listen to your senses about. If you get to a place and see no other actors or if it's in the middle of nowhere or if it's in a room that you're not quite sure of, PLEASE listen to your intuition and let security know, a friend come with you for the cost of dinner or a text sent to a friend/mate that will have all your info and that you're strong enough to walk away immediately if you feel sideways about it before you're even put into a position of any question if you can. Otherwise walk in with your phone on and someone on the line...I felt good after sitting with women, some auditioning some friends just hanging out and was able to let my art fly after asking "How far would you like this scene to go" only to hear, where ever it takes you...so I did a funny bit by myself to start off the scene in a different direction then because of some of the lines handed to me by the other artist, I was able to go where need be to have tears running down my face even before I was aware and then to stop that direction into a happy place to show range. Good improv will teach you that, don't knock it, just find one that works with your vision...had the cd and the other actress stating how shocked they were to see real tears during this scene. That is all you can do, DO you, DO your work, give them your art and leave knowing what you accomplished whether they call or not...YOU let them know YOU were in that room and YOU were not only deserving, YOU are there to push forward your art as well!!!

An audition, a callback and 2 voiceovers to take out the week...I keep trying to see if I can break through this new venture of voice work and all you can do is try it all. This is where I say, if you've worked on your craft and feel confident, try new things without worry. Don't let you not having the latest commercial class/voiceover class etc. get you to miss out on opportunity. Go from what you have already and play, then when chance happens to get you into a place of learning more, go do that but don't hinder yourself in the meantime if you know the gist of the game. Yes, I'll eventually take a workshop to learn more, to be better even at just words through a microphone because I'm sure there are tricks to this side of this type of work, but in the meantime, through trial and error and patience from my agency, I'm going to keep voicing it up to see where this may all take me. Feel the fear of newness and then remember WHO YOU ARE...be BRAVE, be BOLD and show them all, what you got, don't limit your vision for their lack of...GET IT ARTIES!!!!