The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 3 ( Audition #4 )

It's the 3rd time back into this office at the CBS Radford Lot in the last couple of years but HALLELUJAH it's for more of a character role...I've been building up to this! The first for some line, then a nurse and now, with a few more lines, I can actually wear my braided and pony tailed hair for a rougher/harder look. Little make-up to give me an edge and I don't mean look real rough if it doesn't call for it (most shows still want you to look somewhat done, no matter how "rough" they say,) so I still had light cover, blush, brows and eyelashes did but it was the bare minimum. I didn't go in looking like a glamour puss in a role that stated "tough look." Understanding what the role is calling for and just doing your best to really showcase your character is a trick learned when you don't actually look the part, not how pretty you can be when it's uncalled for. This takes sacrifice from your ego, remember putting in the footwork now, can get you a job easier down the road. It's a tough side to be on...and to be a POC and female, it's just not done, but here I am, trudging through this mire until I've been given the opportunities like others. Getting to play 8+ characters in the last play allowed my mind to really settle into the idea, not as a dream but as a reality if I just keep persisting and showing up whenever I can to put in work, convincing this industry one day, one person at a time. Although this girl is me in the essence of how I sometimes wear my hair, the edges I give her is different. Because of my voice and demeanor for the most part, I don't want to come across as fake or pushing to hard so it's been a delicate balance of figuring her out so she can sit well within my choices and still I don't let her do too many neck/eye rolls - the stereotypical essence of being a POC from the "hood." I give her other parts of me, lower voice register...a slick ease in her movements as if everything is calculated...harder eye contact etc. It's a sad, outlook we've been given, that everyone that lives in harder places are all a certain way and it takes each one of us to change that by taking the risks and responsibility needed when asked to play these types of characters...great example was in "Moonlight..." - the hardness yet vulnerability shown by Mahershala is a different look from "New Jack City" Wesley. Yes the scripts are years apart and 2 different beasts but choices made can change and humanize an outlook on individuals that we portray. The responsibility lies within the artist to give something more, something else if we are truly here, to change this system of perpetuation. The problem with all of this is initial look of course...you gotta look character to be a character especially if you're a person of color, you gotta look hard to be hard, you're not sexy/beautiful unless you have that look...but you as an artist can/must change that. It's difficult work but by reworking certain small things like hair and makeup, you can give this business a different sense of you and in turn maybe get the room to see that with all those things that can go into helping you achieve the look, you've got the essence of the character. I realize we all want to look good/pretty/beautiful when we're doing our work but sometimes it doesn't call for that and trying to look hot/attractive may very well cost you the part. It's a fine balance especially if you're not a character actor/actress already - this has been my struggle but a challenge I've always wanted to tackle. I remember seeing a casting director's post a few months ago congratulating a character actor for staying in her lane...I get it in a sense of if you're already boxed in, then use it until you can change it if you want or wish too, the choice lies with you always, but for those of us that don't actually fit in or are having a hard time to fit in, this is death to our art. I couldn't imagine doing my craft with "staying in my lane"...I'd have the straight hair, playing one dimensional characters as the wifey/sex object etc. We train hard, so we can be viewed differently, we study relentlessly so we can be someone else as many times as we choose losing ourselves over to the work and it's not only for people of a certain race. Don't EVER let certain people's words define you out of your art, understand where you are and how you want to get to where you would like to be and don't allow anyone ( no matter who they seem to be, ) to get you off course. I'm here to change minds in how you view a POC and woman in this industry even if  I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place...but only if I sink into that notion and I don't plan on sinking. Get ugly, get tough, get hard, get pretty but get to doing all of YOUR ART!!!

Taking care of one's self outwardly is obviously as important as the insides of your body, this business costs money to make money and as artists, this is difficult since we don't have the extra cash lying around to splurge on facials, manicures, body sculpting etc. This month I tried Julep's 3 step facial mask and because I've actually been a box a month customer since 2013, the prices aren't as hefty for small luxuries. For $20 a month, I customize my box now to either include nail/facial/body/hand products and since it's made by a Korean woman in Washington State ( https://www.julep.com/  - let 'em know I referred you as Leilani Smith ) that decides to use quality/better ingredients, it's an excellent, cheaper supplement to my much needed but expensive Dr. Hauschka line (that I find in Marshalls/TJ Maxx whenever I can...) - plus for $20 a month, I actually come up big with my full jars of products. Not only can you skip months when needed, but you can pick and choose what you may need for the month plus with each purchase you accrue Jules rewards which in turn can be used for a free box every now and then. This 3 step mask made me rethink all my masks but since I can only get 3 at a time per month (plus other small goodies), I'll save these for special days and huge auditions when I want my skin to illuminate the room. After a good face wash, just followed the 1-3 steps ( gel, mask & cream, ) and oh my did my skin glow...even had enough left over cream to use for the next 2 days! Get the good stuff as cheap as you can by learning to shop differently than most because there's no need to throw away money you don't have yet and with this practice, maybe you never will unless it's a well deserving splurge you can finally afford! Until then, let's use what we got to get to where we dream of...SHINE ON ARTIES!!!