The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 17 & 18 ( Auditions #20 - #24 )

Double workouts, double auditions, double days in a row and I couldn't be happier...slightly stressed with what may be expected, the race in traffic etc, but bring it baby! How else do you condition your being to handle what needs to be handled without losing your marbles? This is practice for the future so watch your negativity that may arise during these situations. It's a free teaching practice preparing you for days you've gotta fly to the other coast, race from there to an interview only to finish that and show up to set ready to go. Just because you're not in that now, doesn't mean the universe isn't trying to get you there and your attitude is everything, don't let the chaos sweep you away. If you're mad you're not booking and these are wasting your time, eventually even the auditions will go away. I've seen it by watching other arties navigate through these treacherous waters and taking note of how negative feelings to animosity will spill into your work. We forget there are times we're hot and then we're not and we feel like if we don't book anything during those hot times, then it's all awash. I've been around way longer than I thought I would and I've learned that my work has planted seeds, some get it...some do not, some are trying to figure my work out but whatever it is, I'm going to get another call from them for something else. It's usually not immediate but eventually it happens. Last year was my hardest and driest year to date, from losing loves to not booking via auditions even though they seemed to trickle in. However, I stayed thankful...grateful whenever I got a chance to get into a room because I have come to understand just how difficult it is to even stand in front of a casting director. You were one in thousands that got that opportunity...DON'T WASTE IT! Yeah it sucks that you don't book that job you felt you were perfect for. Yeah you read it on point and made all your beats and character choices work. Yeah you fit the character description and yet it didn't come through. OKAY...just because everything is right, doesn't mean it works, whatever the excuse may be, if you did your work, if you understand the genre, if you gave it your all - THAT IS ALL. Nothing more, nothing less...every now and then you win, most of the times you have to learn to let go because you have no clue as to the madness and mayhem that goes behind the scenes of picking someone. Who you may remind someone of, your height being a factor, your tone, your looks, your hair etc and you must say - WHO CARES! Celebrate the fact that you were called in, got the opportunity to read - to share your work, got in on piece of the action and may still have the chance if other things don't line up. I have come to know, that when it's your time, it's all yours so enjoy the process and grow as an artist understanding your work. These are the times to learn about you, your strengths, your weaknesses, what's your go to and how to come out of a bad audition all the while having the luxury of doing so. During this time, you're gonna make fans, even if at this time it doesn't seem like it...last year nothing, this year, so many have called me back in and mostly to producers after seeing me once. The game has changed in many ways for me this year but it is all a matter of time, I know this because of the seeds planted and how others have taken notice this year. Don't fret, enjoy the process...already at my 5th and 6th commercial audition of the year along with fun shorts and steady auditions for recurring co-stars/guest stars on network shows with fantastic actors...it's comin' alright and I'm ready!!!

I decided during my down times that'll I'll start to be even more proactive in my career by finally creating and writing my own short, sketch skits because why wait. I had some fear of it being comedy because I'm not a comedic writer but I told myself, "Why not at least give it a go..." I love comedy, I'll do comedy in a heart beat and give me improv or give me death but for me to write it...I'm just not that funny in my mind's eye but then why do I have these ideas floating around my noggin. No more waiting to see, I'm just learning as I go and my first go was with "Navi Nightmare." I've been driving around L.A. for far too long and from having a Thomas guide to now solely relying on my navigation and seeing my dependency, I thought, what and when and how it would happen if finally my navigation got fed up with me. My wrong turns, my not paying attention...what would that look and sound like for me? I decided to do the voice as well to play with pitch since I'm treading into voice overs now. So, my first comedy take on my tech has been created. I already have 3 others stored up in my mind to do but what a way to get what was in my head, finally on paper into creation done with just me and my beast, a camera and an idea. All of my other fancies are made for really big budgets, so to come up with small skits to do right now, with what I've got, without worrying about if it's shot well or not ( however, with Mike Quain, it's gonna be shot as well as can be, ) just getting my idea out into the universe has been a huge feat for me this year. I've always watched others do it, on the sidelines but now I realize I've got stories to share as well and dammit, this year, I'll be doing just that. Whatever you've got, whatever resources you can obtain, just do the damn thing and stop waiting for others to make it happen. From short skits to pictures, I'll be creating in 2019 to see what other opportunities may unfold because of it. Time to take this bull by the horns and show 'em all, that I am not a one trick pony, that this gal, has got a bag for them and this bag is filled with my magic!!! Go sprinkle your magic arties...I'm right here doin' it too! 💥

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 15 & 16 ( Auditions #18 & #19 )

Auditioned just a couple of weeks ago to a role I felt I took too much direction on with casting, however low and behold I get another call but this time straight to producers. So I prepare but this time with more of my choices to not be swayed along with an optional button on the scene. Too much? Maybe, but it's what would be natural if the camera keeps rolling. Now I know with this type of show it's always stated that it's on a time crunch and the lines are the lines, however, you as an artist must choose sometimes to button up that scene if it makes perfect sense. Nothing too long or out there but something your character may do or need to do whilst on set. I felt way more comfortable this time around and the room was receptive as all get out. Got to see a familiar face in the lobby as we chatted since I met Noelle the last time around and noticed that they had a variety of peeps for this role this time around. Happy to be given the opportunity to read again and crossing fingers for another shot and this time I'll go strictly with the lines to show I've got whatever is needed. Play, play, play in the room...you don't know what they're looking for or why so go in, have fun because it's your time! We take ourselves way too seriously and give way too much power to the room instead of to ourselves, it may or may not cost you the gig but if you art for your art then you haven't lost a damn thing...


Make choices and keep it going. Whatever you decide the character to be, stick to that and grow as an artist. Walked into this audition with virtually no makeup...decided this person could be really sick given the circumstances for this particular role and thought bare minimum, a bit of blush and a little undereye concealer cause no one wants crazy looks from me. No foundation, no mascara, no eyeshadow just moisturizer and my work. Decided to show up early because of location and the time only to have to actually wait the hour to my audition...such is the audition life! I noticed that all the other ladies in after me was more made up but knew for what I was going for, that I liked the practice of this. We get so caught up in what we look like, we forget what the character looks like and the reason why. Quickly in the room I ask how sick is she? However, it's the assistant, who's been super sweet and kept me updated on getting me into the audition room because the other gal is sick so she's not quite sure. I decided to do it at a 5, she liked it and wanted to see it pushed more which I gave. Then stated why not it be nothing really, so I played...3 times and had so many more to go if need be. Haven't seen Anya in years so it was a delight to get back into the office and make a mark once again for this year's projects. Go in, go for it and fah-get about it, you do what you do and then you celebrate YOU!

Worked for Team Ramsey Entertainment a couple years back as a nurse on "Ole Bryce" which is making festival rounds like nobody's business this year. Eric had an idea for an assassin movie which he discussed with me soon after, saying it would be in 2 parts and I'd be in the second half if I wanted. Of course I was in...his work is passionate, his vision is indie and I love the fact that he trusts my work. Started noticing all the promos for "Part 1 - In The Company of Assassins" and was pleasantly surprised to get the call to see if I'd be interested in making an appearance in the first part. They had rewritten the script to include some of the other characters so I was thrilled to get on over to the table read. Love my character and I'll be able to help choreograph my own fight scene which is what I've been pushin' for and Ramsey Entertainment is giving me my very first chance to do it on their film. Excited to see a full diversity of POC represented in this film and especially in this genre without star names. Can't wait to show you what it's all about because this should be fun...real fun and that's what we're in it for! Let's Grow Arties 💗

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 13 & 14 ( Auditions #16 & #17 )

Don't let the "everything that you can't control" drive ya crazy! This town is built on the you're never enough until someone gives you the chance, then you're on the radar and now you're amazing and wonderful and oh so delicious. Then this town will start to look for people who look like you, sound like you, are close to the mannerisms of you but until then..."YOU'RE TOO PRETTY TO BE A BOXER/FIGHTER. YOU'RE TO TALL/SHORT TO PLAY OPPOSITE OF THIS KNOWN ACTRESS/ACTOR. YOU'VE GOT TOO MUCH HAIR TO PLAY A PROFESSIONAL. YOU TOO LIGHT/DARK TO BE THIS DYNAMIC/DIMENSIONAL. This is what you'll keep hearing until it's your turn to shine, until someone has the kohones to actually give you the opportunity, until you've built up the reputation of finally being the person they are comfortable with. Whatever the reason it is now, understand it won't be later so just keep at 'em...however you can by doing what you can - grow arties, grow! And that means, taking those parts you ain't "right for" per say, making them your own even if you know it's not the actual look they may envision, puttin' yo stank on it and havin' it in the bag...even if it's only for you. It's a character to build upon, to train on, to work with and to play with as you deal with the obstacles of this business. Don't just brush it off as it ain't you so you're not going to do it because you've done it 100 times and nothing has ever came through...who cares, it's not the booking at this point then, it's the growth and the understanding of the character you're developing. This is now for your future - you are actually storing this away because there will come a time when you get that role of a lifetime and you'll know exactly who the person is you'll be portraying. Take that lickin' and keep on tickin' because you've got a date with destiny as long as you hang in and keep pushin' regardless of the odds, your art will win if you allow it to be so - they will know you, all of you...soon enough.

Gettin' creative with your self submissions is something you can do to keep you from the self tape blues. I get it that you're not in the room, feeling the energy, making a connection but I've booked off these and some of my cohorts have booked even bigger shows off these so dismissing this form of work is dismissing an opportunity you may have given yourself. For me, I just try to do things a bit different if possible and with this particular audition, since it was 2 separate scenes, I decided a costume change was something I could do to help them see me in 2 different aspects. One as an overworked mom nurse and the other a concerned, but slightly more attractive mom since the scene lead me to believe there should be some chemistry happening. I tried reading in between the lines as if I was shooting this sucker and this helps make the process bearable. I feel like I'm shooting a short film and I get to be the star...exactly the way you feel when you go into a room, whatever that is that helps you bring the magic, find it and use it - let's not waste our time nor our talents, give them that 100%!

Another audition done for casting I've been in to see but they have a strict policy of not sharing, not even the lot you're on. I've been in several times over the past year and it went from simple co-stars to series regulars to guest stars and it's hard that I haven't booked yet because you figure if you've been in that many times, eventually something will happen and nothing has yet. It's a stinker but I've learned to appreciate the fact that I stay on their lips, they must be searching for me to get a role but it's the role that fits me in their eyes and I am just grateful to be given the chance to show them all these characters I can play if given that moment while they figure it out. Of course it hurts not getting the part after being seen quite a few times but what hurts more is not being called back in...so enjoy the process, love what you do from the fight to the booking and understand that your work is respected and appreciated because you keep getting called back in. Keep fightin', this art, YOUR ART is worth it all....

YAY to making it to the Independent Black Film Festival over at Mann's Chinese in Hollywood. It's a place that has films, shorts, web series etc screened at least once a month at their venue and "Prowess" made it in! Was going to skip the event since I usually work weekends at my regular job but made it out early enough to work early in the morn and get off after 4 hours. It was a lot of racing, a lot of traffic but I made it in time to be able to take pictures on the red carpet with cast and crew along with enjoying some powerful/funny/well done pieces. Casting Director Robi Reed was in the house along with several actors from a BET show along with unknowns that work behind the scenes from directing to distribution, all sharing their info and story. You leave uplifted, inspired and knowing it's something you can/should do...I decided several years ago not to submit to this and I now realize just how important it is to open yourself up to different avenues. Why not give yourself every possible nook and cranny to squeeze in, to learn, to grow and to improve? 2019...WE COMIN' FOR YA!!!!

Head on over to YouTube - Subscribe at Freedom Bridgewater ( Freedom Films - Prowess ) and catch the episodes, Episode 1 up and running on the site. There's some magic to this show, hang in and watch some crazy go down with the girls by episode 5 - we ain't playin'! Copy and paste below...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56oGSPuRRqY

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 10 - 12 ( Audition #13 - #15 )

Yay to my 4th commercial audition of the year because it's only February and things will only get better!!! My theory is the more commercial auditions you get to do, the more in the flow you get to be and the more shots you get to finally booking. Once a year is a hard place to connect in, but if it's constant and consistent, it becomes a numbers game, more so here than in television/film because for the most part, it's the feeling you give them with what you look like that matters. This one was for a martial arts instructor at the same casting office I was at recently but of course I was the only POC while at this audition as I saw plenty of the regulars flow in and out. Although I'm always happy to be called in, I'm always at a pause as to why not more of my types are at these auditions because I know we're here especially in the martial arts community. I do know when I see this, I'm more or less of the option, not the focus however, I am thankful for being such and will keep representing until I can see more of "us" in the running as well, especially for big campaigns like these. I was slightly worried I wouldn't have anything quick but martial arts is my blood and as soon as I got in, told the scenario, I went in like the instructor I had been without a shred of doubt. This is when the craft that you've worked so diligently on, lives within you and NOTHING, NOT A DAMN THING can take that away. It may be frustrating to feel like you've given so much to your art and it hasn't quite given what you want back but understand, this is your passion that you get to do every day you wake up and that is where the goodness lies. When you've got an extra talent for something and it seems like no one is paying attention, YOU pay attention...nurture that part of your art because there is nothing wrong with having a bag full of tricks up your sleeve when it's your turn to step into your shine. Think of how many gifts you're going to be able to offer this industry at maximum speed because you already have it sitting in your back pocket so don't look at the situation as it not paying off right now, it's going to do all that and more in the near future, just keep giving yourself options by becoming the best version of yourself. This way, it'll give you random opportunities to perfect your gifts while you create, so hang in and do things to get even better...all around!

It's been interesting as I learn more sides of the voice over business and one of the "different" things that happen are sample submissions. It's were they give you a scenerio and you basically come up with some stuff in the vein of their ask...all in your words, your insight. I'm sure ideas have been taken and used so this may very well make you shy away from this aspect of the business however, it's also a time to truly create for oneself from the ground up. This could help you decide that you are good enough to write, to do, to be in all aspects of this business and get your creative juices flowing as you practice on other not so used skills that you may have hidden. Doing this part of the work as an exercise into my art has already shown me to be quick and a better writer than I imagined. Even got a skit/sketch written out and because of timing will have to wait until I get back from celebrating my Appa to get it done...but these are the gems that come, don't block 'em!!! Get to work arties, I'm right there with you.

I love the unexpected auditions that come in because you know what they may be looking for but you go in to disrupt their ideas regardless. This came in as a one day job for a video game with another half day for rehearsal, "all ethnicities - even though I saw only one other category as me" playing an unassuming badass by being a mom ( yeah, I still look young...but take a look around at all the wonderful signs to tell ya to keep on keeping on ) without telling you any tidbits. What I did appreciate was the fact that it wasn't a cattle call, with only 2 ladies ahead of me when I arrived, both had a different look and varying heights so I felt it wasn't a waste of time. Check in was smooth and I was in the room after stretching my heart out as quickly as possible coming up with improv'd kicks at specific times to go along with the scene. Got to get my vocals pushed with yells as I remembered my drills of doing so as a warm up with barely any time in between my 3 takes I received from a female director. So super cool to just get to do that, practice that and be that for that moment because you gotta enjoy this to truly enjoy all that comes after! Cheers to fighting that fight each and every time...YOU ARE SEEN, YOU ARE TRUE, YOU ARE THE ARTIST THEY ARE LOOKING FOR - go grab your shine time - 👄

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 7 - 9 ( Auditions #10, #11 & #12 )

"One liners..." can I officially state how much I don't like the idea of  them??? Not only can I not for the life of me, not seem to mess up the damn line, but usually there is nothing there to do but throw it away which means it's more about the look they're going for instead of any acting ability. I get it, it needs to be said and someone needs to say it and hell, why not me? However, it's one of the hardest auditions to do for some deranged reason to the most of our chagrin. If just given to us, we'd be able to knock it out on set...however, with this audition process to come in and say a single, small line, it can be a bit frustrating. Now I'm absolutely thankful to get in the room with whatever the number of lines may be, it's just a weird place as an actor who did plenty of scene study to see themselves - basically no place to build and the end result usually being the same - throwing the line away...but we all know as artists not to do that. That line is important, the moment is needed because it was written...why are we throwin' it away? Timing, movement of story, an introduction...we know this but for us arties, we know there's a reason for this so we dig a bit deeper than necessary coming up with back story and the mood or feeling we should be in whilst delivering this line. They've seen 15-20 people before you and it's literally a line... You've gotta make your peace with these, they're our bread and butter for the most part if you're the one that books them. So, as much as I fumble on them, I keep at it hoping the pain will go away...it hasn't...in all my years in this business but I've learned to understand the mood of the room and deliver it to as close as I can be involved in it and walk out letting those go asap regardless...because whether you felt like you messed up or not, most likely you didn't really and it doesn't matter anyway because they also know you'll get the line on set for the most part. Don't hang on to these, no matter how you're feelin', it is what it is and it is...a line! Gettin' to do another one for a network show which kept me in town a bit longer than I wanted before heading to the Bay but how wonderful it is, to pack, head to the audition at UDK and then hit the road for some time with fam bam, the most important things of all!

Then of course the usual out of town so now I get a notification happens for a bigger role at another wonderful casting office so the decision to cut the vacay short is upon us once again. Lucky we drove and are in agreement of heading out a day early to give myself the opportunity to be back on the lot with the casting I booked "Arch Angel - VR," but this time for a network show. I'm gonna go in depth with this one because when the role is for you, there is nothing that can stand in the way of that and understanding that as an artist is a beautiful, thing. This role wasn't for me...it was someone else's and everything lead to her booking as well as me learning to stick to my guns on my choices regardless of what casting may have to say because being your unique self is the only truth in the room. I arrived a bit early to get settled in and I could feel I was slowly making it into the bigger rooms and am grateful I'm kinda in that category because these types of roles usually aren't in my playhouse - I know I look/viewed younger than some of my counterparts and it's always been the bane in my backside because there's nothing I can do about it nor is there anything I want to do about it. I am who I am and once I get to my place, I'll be able to share even more about my regimen but for now, I'll plow through this difficult space of being viewed as too young for some roles and too old for others but just by a smidgen. Go into casting and really dig into my choices...I was told not to go so far, that there was this level of professionalism that being a doctor has...so, I listened and adjusted. I could see her nodding and I knew even if I didn't get the call back, that I had given her what she wanted. I waited in the area by finding a small, vegetarian friendly spot, had lunch and received the notification to be back at the studio around 3p for the meeting with the director, writer and producers in the room as well. Happy-happy, joy-joy as I made it through the 1st round gauntlet. Although I was into my choices, because it was my first time being in this particular room in such a long time with new casting, I decided to work their insight into my read. During this process I saw the beautiful, booking machine Nicola and the gorgeous Crystal which brought happiness into my heart. Grateful to be in the same room, auditioning for the same role as my acting tribe I aspire to be more in tune with because as one comes up...we all do! Was told there was a constant beeping noise happening in the room when I entered all that warmth. This session was filled with people that understood actors and was actually truly routing for each one of us to do well...I could feel it and although at ease, some of the words seem to slip from my grasp as I tried to be this "other individual" as told to me earlier. I pushed through instead of stopping and going back to my original choice because that was my individual goal for this casting. I felt okay, but not great because I for the first time in ages, did what they requested but not what I knew to be true of me. They seemed to have gotten my take and even said great job with no redirects, so I exited the room thankful I had done what I did but knew that wasn't going to happen again. I came out to the smiling face of Crystal and her friend Noel whom had also read for the role. We discussed what went right and what went wrong which was a nice release of the art we all had experienced and I left hoping that if not me, please one of them...just someone that I knew. It turned out to be a friend of Crystal, whom was part of the straight to producers group - she hadn't really been in the acting world but she just happened to be off her job, the shooting schedule working with her time off and knew this was basically her. She went in with no pre-read out looks and did her warmth version which got her the role...my first choice. I get it, we have to believe casting knows what they want but also keep in mind of what you want as well, I'm glad I tried it their way in order for them to see that I was able to make the shift but if you also feel strongly about a character's definition, then do that mostly without fail. Your truth, your role, your way until it's absolutely necessary to change that. I did it when I booked "Hello..." with Sally Field & Tyne Daly directed with Michael Showalter, when I flipped them off, that wasn't in the script and I was told to do it another way which I complied however, when the callbacks happened, I went in with my original, gut feeling of what the scene was and he laughed so hard he didn't want to see the other version of that choice. Stick to your guns, whether you book or not, you'll feel better as an artist in the end...and they will get you, eventually someone will! This role was for her, everything lined up as the universe will and you as an artist have got to believe that. What is yours, can't be taken so celebrate your small victories in all ways that it comes because it is about the journey! Let go, celebrate and cheer each other on!!!

As I've been diving into the voice over auditions, I've been practicing characters along the way...they will get better, more fluid but I'm enjoying my process of building and growing in an area I just never thought I'd be involved in. So much fear is now leading to so much confidence that I am capable...I am an artist, I can do it and so can you. Never in my wildest dreams could I have thought I could manipulate my voice into being a 5 year old, 12 year old, 16 year old or whimsical or with different dialects etc but these auditions are teaching me something. I had set limitations on this side of my art because I believed that most are just gifted with this type of craft and I in fact was not one of them, so cheers to facing that fear and doing it anyway! Slowly but surely we create...

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 5 - 6 ( Auditions #5 - #9 )

I haven't had a week like this...in forever?!?! It's my Born Day week and no better gifts than these. My mind is still reeling, like did this just happen...maybe for others it's just a normal occurrence but for me, being the oddball that I am, it just doesn't work out this way although I've been prepping for days like this since who knows when. My brain is exhausted ( from memorizing pages upon pages of dialogue ), I've got tension in my shoulders ( from stress driving to & fro, ) and my body is exhausted ( from physically having to show up and out...) but I wouldn't have it any other way! If this is the life, then pile all of that on my plate please, I've been asking for it and I know I truly deserve it, even though with a few knocks on the road to have me doubt myself, I know I can do this regardless if given that opportunity to play. This week was filled with mom roles which I played all so differently when I could, to a hush-hush bad ass fighter, to a car salesperson doing their work, I took each role into heavy consideration without contemplating genre because when presented with a chance to play, YOU PLAY! 3 auditions to take care of first...then 2... 🙌

Day 1:

Barely there makeup to make myself look older, clothing as close to a mom feel I could push because getting these types of roles to play with has been a hard fight and a slightly older physicality to round out my choices. They gave me nothing but a line about 4 scenarios to do with this character like you come home, you read a letter, you wait with a police officer, you see your son. I had to come up with the rest as we artists do to fill in the blanks - more for the peace of my mind/art, always dig a little deeper, even when it's not asked of oneself...

 

2nd commercial audition of the year with the idea of being more of the youngest mom of the group doing some shopping, so instead of the bun, I went for a lower hanging ponytail - mostly because I forgot my hair clip - and the same clothing choices as above plus a bit more make up for a glow since it's a commercial, because they want "real" mom, television style!

Hair came down for this mom role but pulled back with a clip for a film audition shooting in Hawaii since she was also a working professional. I almost went with a conservative jacket but thought, hell, this is Hawaii and there were some character descriptions that leaned my clothing choices a bit more extravagant. Remember, do what you feel is comfortable for you as the character to convey an extra message without words, your look is as important as the stuff  coming out of your mouth. Of course it feels weird, but it's just another shade of you so play in creating the character fully as you see fit, right down to the shoes. Was a bit worried about my choice in making sure I had tears in the last scene but only brimming slightly with layers of anger in the first, containing my mood so as not to have the same feeling throughout was a specific goal of mine during this audition. Making colorful choices while still in the vein of the scene can still catch them off guard but it's something I cherish about my art and everything I do to push my work along. Lots of improv in the room which I played off of but I gave snot and tears by the end! Mission accomplished...what a full day, so let me slightly celebrate because I've got 2 for tomorrow and there's no rest to be had....

Lucky for me, lunch with Rodrigo to pull me out of the serious artin' head space and to celebrate my Born Day month with a good ole fashion disco wood cut out board with delicious eats at the Korean BBQ joint! 

Day 2:

3rd commercial audition of 2019 and that seems to be half of what I had all year long so I'm jumpin' jumpin'. Nice campaign as well so it's fun to finally be called in to see all the gals who normally get these as we play moms. They ranged in hairstyles to clothing choices to skin tone but they all were more African American looking so I went in to have fun. There have been a couple of commercials I've seen as of late that required some acting chops but I still feel that most are booked based on the look they want to convey for the product and who they're still trying to market to. Doesn't seem I'm the type on their list but I'll keep pushin' forward so I an see others like me at auditions like these to finally get glimpses of me on the television screen in a wide variety of spots. It doesn't matter if you don't have their "look," what matters is going in professional and when asked to have emotion, you give them eyes full of just on the verge tears playing the proud parent you're suppose to be! When you get that chance, regardless of the cards stacked against you, you go in and dance your art out as you should, letting them all know you deserve the opportunity and it will come...through them or through someone else because you're just that good! Hang in!!! Quick change in the bathroom and I'm racing to my last, but very important and super hush-hush audition...

Yay to seeing a familiar face in the room...it's always calm with someone who knows you and is comfortable with seeing you work and although stressed about only having a full day and an evening with the 4 pager of words, I relaxed knowing it was someone I've worked with already. Nervous, but only because I wanted to make sure I was prepped with strong character choices for them. Made it on time ( barely ) and had one person ahead so after filling out the NDA forms so I can't spill any beans, I looked over my words and said - "Here goes..." Went into the room and was greeted warmly all around as I went into my scene...not knowing what it was for...until after my read. So excited just to have the opportunity and to share my vision of what I think this character could be with some obvious tweaks via the director that I thought no one would bring to the table. Was it a risk, yes, but so worth it to have them see me in a total different light and once I was told what the project for ( I pee'd my pants ) I was able to make some small shifts to my read but stayed true on who I created. The project went by a totally different name along with some careful changes in descriptions to throw me off scent but boy, when you get opportunities like this, you see how far you've come regardless of the outcome. Book or not booked, I was just happy to have been given that chance because that is all that we ask for as we're being seen for our art. I was slightly worried about how I may have wanted this character to be but I loved my choice and I stuck to it through and through dammit...even was told that I did a great job. Hey, what more can you ask for...full day, Born Day Celebratin' happenin' next - WHEW and lucky me! ( Remember to realize just how fortunate you are to be pursuing your dream... ) Go for it, each and every time, however you see fit!!!  Let's Do Dis!!!!

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 3 & 4 ( Audition #3 - #4 )

Who doesn't love a good junkie/prostitute outta jail role and I love it more when I get a shot at being seen on parts like these. Nothing's worse than being a character actress, not being seen that way and not getting the call to even give 'em your take, hence the reason I just keep going for it. I get there are roles that could better suit me, but it's these types of work that gets my heart a buzzin', so when it comes up, it's a big deal and I plan on going as all get out as I possibly can. It's funny because it's the same casting that I didn't hear anything back from after my so called "booking" of the last film after giving my height. I almost didn't submit when I put 2 and 2 together but I thought, why not just do this my way - with a "no slate" instruction except for name, I decided I'd throw in my height as well since it became the issue during the last process. I still got dressed as I saw fit and I went all in as far as I could go during the audition with no partner but I got it done regardless because again, you gotta let crazy be crazy and you focused on your possibilities. This role was too much fun to pass up since I know the "type" they're actually in search for, but doing you and being an option is such a fun way to work on your character development and is what dreams are made of. Glad I got the opportunity to do a whole different role to show my range every chance I'm presented with...get out there and just do it with a smile because you know that they know, that you know...😂...celebration cake pop by the wonderful Michele to say "Well Done!"

DON'T GIVE UP! No matter the odds, no matter how much it feels like you're not being heard/noticed, no matter how you may feel at this moment, no matter what others may say for the good...DON'T PRESS THE QUIT BUTTON! Most people are gone within months of trying because the quick idea of fame and fortune doesn't hit. Then there are those who stay awhile...until something better comes along, whether that be a mate or a stable job etc., then they dabble if they can, when they can but it's just a hobby. Then there are those of us who understand this long game but are more aware that we can't breathe without this form of expression being released from our souls and it may take years upon years to get something out and we may still not have made it to our peak but we BELIEVE, we KNOW and we UNDERSTAND that we are all better for getting moments to do our craft than not to have. It truly sucks because I've known more talented people to quit, to walk away, to dabble than the ones that seem to "break out" at times and all I can say is persistence. When the going gets rough, PERSIST - when it seems like you've received nothing in return, PERSIST - when everyone around you seems to rise but you feel stuck, PERSIST because you can honestly say, looking back, you're not at the same place you were when you decided you were going to do this and that's because of your persistence. Yes, it's been a struggle - Yes, it's been truly one of the hardest things you've done - Yes, it's glorious and heartbreaking and gut wrenching and exciting yet so unstable right now but you've come a long way baby! Open yourself up to new investments of oneself whenever possible. For $60, my beast gifted me with a microphone set and I've been able to send voice over auditions whenever possible which have upped my opportunities, a whole different world for me to explore and be inspired by. No, I'm not the many accented gal, naturally gifted in gab but I make do with what I've done via acting for film/t.v./stage working tirelessly to get my tone known/recognized. Flexing my vocals to play a 12-14 year old Brit was a challenge I accepted and felt really good about and although I gave a great read, I'm sure they have a line of people they've worked with as well, so I persist. My 2nd day of a voice over audition of 2019 with a fun character read of a snobby, self indulgent fighter and I'm absolutely excited to see what this year has in store but I wouldn't know anything about it, had I not been open to pushing myself with this gift. I could've been too nervous, too scared, too whatever and let this chance slip away because I knew nothing about this side of the industry but I also knew I'd still be acting, just in a different way so why not? Take a chance on yourself, you've trained your art, fought hard to get here and you deserve as many opportunities to explore, challenge and share your work, so step into your light and shine!

Having my umma here was heaven sent and for 3 weeks I gobbled all that goodness up. Not only are there buckets upon buckets of freshly, fermenting kimchees but I was reminded that this is a side of me that isn't as acceptable to the industry or Korea. I'm half Black, half Asian and that's not looked at as being of Asian descent no matter the fact that I'm a full half...mostly because of my darker complexion. If I was white and Asian, I'd have some leeway and be called either multi-ethnic/ethnically ambiguous but being darker has it's own stigma and hasn't fully been recognized yet, so my job is to make it recognizable. I was born in Korea, I grew up eating Korean food and learning to cook in such a way as well as others. I've got a traditional Hanbok from Korea and although I'm not fluent ( shame on me, ) I do have phrases trapped in my head. So, when offered the chance to be a black and Asian character in an upcoming pilot presentation, I gently pushed for the opportunity to also show that it's not just what I look like but who I am as well and that includes me speaking in my native language. At first it was a weird thought...because it hasn't been done but it needs to be and who better to introduce it than myself right now at this moment. This is why your unique stamp is so important in representation, if you don't do it, then who will and when? It's time to fight for your space of who you are and who you can be without compromises, because you've gotta show this stereotypical business that you are not in a box and you will be counted! I was never ashamed of being who I was, I just never got to embrace all that I am with all that I do because of certain outlooks and I love all the sides of me...so time to show it! I'm absolutely humbled that they decided to step outside the box with me because there is a Korean gal representing diversity, but I can't tell you how much more interesting it is to have me, the mixed chick speak the language. This is how you make subtle changes, this is how you open the box, your UNIQUENESS is necessary - please share, this world needs more of us!!! This space has enough of the same ole same ole and they believe that works, so it's up to you being of different sorts to see all that they're missing. Push forward/fight to give them what is special about your craft! My umma is gone, but lucky for me, I can have over 8+ different kimchees on my plate, Korean work on my art and celebrate, that life is delicious!!!😋

The 2019 "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 1 & 2 ( Auditions #1 (+3) - #2 (1st comm. aud)

When it all goes wrong, keep calm and step on the gas... My umma was leaving after 3 weeks of family bliss - first Christmas, first Anniversary and first New Year's without my Appa and I had made her come and stay in our small humble abode to get away from it all. I had very little to deal with acting wise while she was here which was perfect because I wanted to spend as much quality time with my superhero! Right after the New Year, I see another voice over audition and decide to do it once home since it's another round of superhero/characters to play around with, 3 different sides and a quick read with my umma seeing me, for the first time, use my voice in different ways. I truly with all my heart know that a booking is around the corner, I just need the right people to really hear my voice and understand the texture I put on it but I feel I'm just so close to nailing these for the most part. Practice, practice and more practice through all the auditions given because it's always a chance, a shot, an opportunity to play, work and create for today and tomorrow. Slight, clean variations and bam, done.

The day before I have to go to the airport, I get an audition notification and as I read it after our massage, I can feel myself tensing up again. Of course it's set for 10:45 am - my umma's flight's at 11:50 am at the Burbank Airport and I was going to drop her off at 10:30a, so now the planning has begun to make this all work. Of course the notes in the section is all about not being late and not asking for time changes so I confirm but letting my agency know I'm headed to the airport and will do everything in my power to be there. Speak to my umma and let her know I have to drop her off earlier than usual, which I hate, in order to make it on time to my audition which she is absolutely down for and so understanding. Of course I'm up on time, of course we have a nice breakfast and of course I'm out the door in plenty of time to get to the airport without stress...but then there's the residual rush hour traffic and it's worse than usual, no biggie, but then my navigation has me going an unusual route which I follow because I thought it was because of terrible traffic only to end up at the Burbank Airport Fire Dept?!?! WTF, did I hit a wrong button, did I accidentally switch my navigation set up, who knows, but I just went through construction streets that took me around the airport and now at the private jet entrance and now late to dropping my mom off on time with plenty of time for me to drive to La Brea. Urghhhhhhhhh, navigation up again and it's 5 min's away and of course there is construction on all the streets getting me to the airport so now there's a few more minutes added to travel, I breathe because it's not about the audition, it's about my precious cargo and how much this time, just in the car means to me and I wasn't going to ruin it by stressing out over something I had no control over, I was ready to let it go today...just drop her off and forget about the audition since it all seems to be going wrong and head back home...missing my first audition of the year knowing that it was casting that requested me. As I held back tears letting my umma leave and hugging and kissing on her so hard, I'm sure she just wanted to leave 😂, I knew that this was all that mattered. I jumped in the car and hit navigation for my next destination which put me at almost 45 minutes late...there was no way but I made my way out of the airport and started heading towards the direction I was suppose to, telling myself I'd turn around soon if something didn't happen. I made the dreaded text to my agent and received the call back asking me what happened. I'm not late, especially to auditions unless it's outside forces...I've never made this call to my agent but here I am and I hate it. "Should I cancel?" "Why are we cancelling?" Which I then went into the brief explanation and letting her know I did everything, everything right this morning and I wasn't taking any fault beyond my control. There it is...I take responsibility when I know it's me but when it's not, I have no problem going with the flow, I have learned to let go and not fight currents because maybe there's a specific reason I'm not to be at such place...bummed accepting this but I've learned that when the universe is working against you or it just feels like it, LET GO! Now I'm letting go but I'm still heading in the direction I'm suppose to be going but I can spin this around at any time. As I'm saying this the navigation time went from 45, down to 30 to 15 minutes late and I report to her I can make it with minimal damage and she can make the call that I'm headed there. I haul butt to my place, park and race in...OF COURSE they're running behind and I relax knowing I was suppose to make it by letting go but not giving up. First commercial audition of the year done and I've already got a self tape request to handle this weekend...when things push against you, it's okay to let the spirit release it all as not to stress but don't ever give up fighting until the count is done my arties and that's how you go into a New Year, knowing you can truly be okay whatever the outcome because if you're suppose to be there, you'll be there and if not, then your mind/body/soul is going to be just fine as well! YAY to truly, finally not feeling like it's me and truly allowing things to be...I've come a long way baby and I hope that for all of you!!!

Bringing in the New Year surrounded by love and family is the only way I want to spend this meaningful moment. I use to think of the parties and go to some but they never were what I had hoped them to be, celebrating yes, but truly a place filled with real love was always lacking. When I started heading home for the after Christmas flight specials years ago, I would stay in with my umma & appa as we'd drink sparkling cider, watching Korean dramas cozied up in jammies and blankies waiting for the time to catch the ball dropping and it was my most magical time as I realized what was truly important. Not the big, fancy parties poppin' champagne filled with so much energy and people but the moments of looking at your folks and seeing how much they love each other and you. The promise to love each other more, to support each other more, forgive each other more and to make right the wrongs as much as possible by giving love even more. I knew it was the only way to spend my New Year...maybe one of these years I'll have to do a crazy party again or celebrate in Vegas again or in another part of the world, but for me, to see my umma & mammasan hike together and pass out by 11p as I hang in stubbornly on the couch with the beast even as he was shutting down, my heart was full and everything was as it should be. Eats and hikes and special times with family, whatever that is for you, that's the good stuff, the only stuff that matters because when your soul is filled, you can go out and fight like the superhero you are! Find what truly pleasures your soul with no excuses and go do that more often, forget about whether it's cool or great for social media, because if it makes your heart happy, it'll make others feel that purity as well. Let's be more connected, more focused with the tribe that truly matters and your art will become all the richer for it... 2019, here we come - grounded, unwavering and beautifully unique drenched in happiness because what is ours, will be! 💪