When it all goes wrong, keep calm and step on the gas... My umma was leaving after 3 weeks of family bliss - first Christmas, first Anniversary and first New Year's without my Appa and I had made her come and stay in our small humble abode to get away from it all. I had very little to deal with acting wise while she was here which was perfect because I wanted to spend as much quality time with my superhero! Right after the New Year, I see another voice over audition and decide to do it once home since it's another round of superhero/characters to play around with, 3 different sides and a quick read with my umma seeing me, for the first time, use my voice in different ways. I truly with all my heart know that a booking is around the corner, I just need the right people to really hear my voice and understand the texture I put on it but I feel I'm just so close to nailing these for the most part. Practice, practice and more practice through all the auditions given because it's always a chance, a shot, an opportunity to play, work and create for today and tomorrow. Slight, clean variations and bam, done.
The day before I have to go to the airport, I get an audition notification and as I read it after our massage, I can feel myself tensing up again. Of course it's set for 10:45 am - my umma's flight's at 11:50 am at the Burbank Airport and I was going to drop her off at 10:30a, so now the planning has begun to make this all work. Of course the notes in the section is all about not being late and not asking for time changes so I confirm but letting my agency know I'm headed to the airport and will do everything in my power to be there. Speak to my umma and let her know I have to drop her off earlier than usual, which I hate, in order to make it on time to my audition which she is absolutely down for and so understanding. Of course I'm up on time, of course we have a nice breakfast and of course I'm out the door in plenty of time to get to the airport without stress...but then there's the residual rush hour traffic and it's worse than usual, no biggie, but then my navigation has me going an unusual route which I follow because I thought it was because of terrible traffic only to end up at the Burbank Airport Fire Dept?!?! WTF, did I hit a wrong button, did I accidentally switch my navigation set up, who knows, but I just went through construction streets that took me around the airport and now at the private jet entrance and now late to dropping my mom off on time with plenty of time for me to drive to La Brea. Urghhhhhhhhh, navigation up again and it's 5 min's away and of course there is construction on all the streets getting me to the airport so now there's a few more minutes added to travel, I breathe because it's not about the audition, it's about my precious cargo and how much this time, just in the car means to me and I wasn't going to ruin it by stressing out over something I had no control over, I was ready to let it go today...just drop her off and forget about the audition since it all seems to be going wrong and head back home...missing my first audition of the year knowing that it was casting that requested me. As I held back tears letting my umma leave and hugging and kissing on her so hard, I'm sure she just wanted to leave 😂, I knew that this was all that mattered. I jumped in the car and hit navigation for my next destination which put me at almost 45 minutes late...there was no way but I made my way out of the airport and started heading towards the direction I was suppose to, telling myself I'd turn around soon if something didn't happen. I made the dreaded text to my agent and received the call back asking me what happened. I'm not late, especially to auditions unless it's outside forces...I've never made this call to my agent but here I am and I hate it. "Should I cancel?" "Why are we cancelling?" Which I then went into the brief explanation and letting her know I did everything, everything right this morning and I wasn't taking any fault beyond my control. There it is...I take responsibility when I know it's me but when it's not, I have no problem going with the flow, I have learned to let go and not fight currents because maybe there's a specific reason I'm not to be at such place...bummed accepting this but I've learned that when the universe is working against you or it just feels like it, LET GO! Now I'm letting go but I'm still heading in the direction I'm suppose to be going but I can spin this around at any time. As I'm saying this the navigation time went from 45, down to 30 to 15 minutes late and I report to her I can make it with minimal damage and she can make the call that I'm headed there. I haul butt to my place, park and race in...OF COURSE they're running behind and I relax knowing I was suppose to make it by letting go but not giving up. First commercial audition of the year done and I've already got a self tape request to handle this weekend...when things push against you, it's okay to let the spirit release it all as not to stress but don't ever give up fighting until the count is done my arties and that's how you go into a New Year, knowing you can truly be okay whatever the outcome because if you're suppose to be there, you'll be there and if not, then your mind/body/soul is going to be just fine as well! YAY to truly, finally not feeling like it's me and truly allowing things to be...I've come a long way baby and I hope that for all of you!!!
Bringing in the New Year surrounded by love and family is the only way I want to spend this meaningful moment. I use to think of the parties and go to some but they never were what I had hoped them to be, celebrating yes, but truly a place filled with real love was always lacking. When I started heading home for the after Christmas flight specials years ago, I would stay in with my umma & appa as we'd drink sparkling cider, watching Korean dramas cozied up in jammies and blankies waiting for the time to catch the ball dropping and it was my most magical time as I realized what was truly important. Not the big, fancy parties poppin' champagne filled with so much energy and people but the moments of looking at your folks and seeing how much they love each other and you. The promise to love each other more, to support each other more, forgive each other more and to make right the wrongs as much as possible by giving love even more. I knew it was the only way to spend my New Year...maybe one of these years I'll have to do a crazy party again or celebrate in Vegas again or in another part of the world, but for me, to see my umma & mammasan hike together and pass out by 11p as I hang in stubbornly on the couch with the beast even as he was shutting down, my heart was full and everything was as it should be. Eats and hikes and special times with family, whatever that is for you, that's the good stuff, the only stuff that matters because when your soul is filled, you can go out and fight like the superhero you are! Find what truly pleasures your soul with no excuses and go do that more often, forget about whether it's cool or great for social media, because if it makes your heart happy, it'll make others feel that purity as well. Let's be more connected, more focused with the tribe that truly matters and your art will become all the richer for it... 2019, here we come - grounded, unwavering and beautifully unique drenched in happiness because what is ours, will be! 💪
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