The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 5 - 6 ( Auditions #5 - #9 )

I haven't had a week like this...in forever?!?! It's my Born Day week and no better gifts than these. My mind is still reeling, like did this just happen...maybe for others it's just a normal occurrence but for me, being the oddball that I am, it just doesn't work out this way although I've been prepping for days like this since who knows when. My brain is exhausted ( from memorizing pages upon pages of dialogue ), I've got tension in my shoulders ( from stress driving to & fro, ) and my body is exhausted ( from physically having to show up and out...) but I wouldn't have it any other way! If this is the life, then pile all of that on my plate please, I've been asking for it and I know I truly deserve it, even though with a few knocks on the road to have me doubt myself, I know I can do this regardless if given that opportunity to play. This week was filled with mom roles which I played all so differently when I could, to a hush-hush bad ass fighter, to a car salesperson doing their work, I took each role into heavy consideration without contemplating genre because when presented with a chance to play, YOU PLAY! 3 auditions to take care of first...then 2... 🙌

Day 1:

Barely there makeup to make myself look older, clothing as close to a mom feel I could push because getting these types of roles to play with has been a hard fight and a slightly older physicality to round out my choices. They gave me nothing but a line about 4 scenarios to do with this character like you come home, you read a letter, you wait with a police officer, you see your son. I had to come up with the rest as we artists do to fill in the blanks - more for the peace of my mind/art, always dig a little deeper, even when it's not asked of oneself...

 

2nd commercial audition of the year with the idea of being more of the youngest mom of the group doing some shopping, so instead of the bun, I went for a lower hanging ponytail - mostly because I forgot my hair clip - and the same clothing choices as above plus a bit more make up for a glow since it's a commercial, because they want "real" mom, television style!

Hair came down for this mom role but pulled back with a clip for a film audition shooting in Hawaii since she was also a working professional. I almost went with a conservative jacket but thought, hell, this is Hawaii and there were some character descriptions that leaned my clothing choices a bit more extravagant. Remember, do what you feel is comfortable for you as the character to convey an extra message without words, your look is as important as the stuff  coming out of your mouth. Of course it feels weird, but it's just another shade of you so play in creating the character fully as you see fit, right down to the shoes. Was a bit worried about my choice in making sure I had tears in the last scene but only brimming slightly with layers of anger in the first, containing my mood so as not to have the same feeling throughout was a specific goal of mine during this audition. Making colorful choices while still in the vein of the scene can still catch them off guard but it's something I cherish about my art and everything I do to push my work along. Lots of improv in the room which I played off of but I gave snot and tears by the end! Mission accomplished...what a full day, so let me slightly celebrate because I've got 2 for tomorrow and there's no rest to be had....

Lucky for me, lunch with Rodrigo to pull me out of the serious artin' head space and to celebrate my Born Day month with a good ole fashion disco wood cut out board with delicious eats at the Korean BBQ joint! 

Day 2:

3rd commercial audition of 2019 and that seems to be half of what I had all year long so I'm jumpin' jumpin'. Nice campaign as well so it's fun to finally be called in to see all the gals who normally get these as we play moms. They ranged in hairstyles to clothing choices to skin tone but they all were more African American looking so I went in to have fun. There have been a couple of commercials I've seen as of late that required some acting chops but I still feel that most are booked based on the look they want to convey for the product and who they're still trying to market to. Doesn't seem I'm the type on their list but I'll keep pushin' forward so I an see others like me at auditions like these to finally get glimpses of me on the television screen in a wide variety of spots. It doesn't matter if you don't have their "look," what matters is going in professional and when asked to have emotion, you give them eyes full of just on the verge tears playing the proud parent you're suppose to be! When you get that chance, regardless of the cards stacked against you, you go in and dance your art out as you should, letting them all know you deserve the opportunity and it will come...through them or through someone else because you're just that good! Hang in!!! Quick change in the bathroom and I'm racing to my last, but very important and super hush-hush audition...

Yay to seeing a familiar face in the room...it's always calm with someone who knows you and is comfortable with seeing you work and although stressed about only having a full day and an evening with the 4 pager of words, I relaxed knowing it was someone I've worked with already. Nervous, but only because I wanted to make sure I was prepped with strong character choices for them. Made it on time ( barely ) and had one person ahead so after filling out the NDA forms so I can't spill any beans, I looked over my words and said - "Here goes..." Went into the room and was greeted warmly all around as I went into my scene...not knowing what it was for...until after my read. So excited just to have the opportunity and to share my vision of what I think this character could be with some obvious tweaks via the director that I thought no one would bring to the table. Was it a risk, yes, but so worth it to have them see me in a total different light and once I was told what the project for ( I pee'd my pants ) I was able to make some small shifts to my read but stayed true on who I created. The project went by a totally different name along with some careful changes in descriptions to throw me off scent but boy, when you get opportunities like this, you see how far you've come regardless of the outcome. Book or not booked, I was just happy to have been given that chance because that is all that we ask for as we're being seen for our art. I was slightly worried about how I may have wanted this character to be but I loved my choice and I stuck to it through and through dammit...even was told that I did a great job. Hey, what more can you ask for...full day, Born Day Celebratin' happenin' next - WHEW and lucky me! ( Remember to realize just how fortunate you are to be pursuing your dream... ) Go for it, each and every time, however you see fit!!!  Let's Do Dis!!!!

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 3 & 4 ( Audition #3 - #4 )

Who doesn't love a good junkie/prostitute outta jail role and I love it more when I get a shot at being seen on parts like these. Nothing's worse than being a character actress, not being seen that way and not getting the call to even give 'em your take, hence the reason I just keep going for it. I get there are roles that could better suit me, but it's these types of work that gets my heart a buzzin', so when it comes up, it's a big deal and I plan on going as all get out as I possibly can. It's funny because it's the same casting that I didn't hear anything back from after my so called "booking" of the last film after giving my height. I almost didn't submit when I put 2 and 2 together but I thought, why not just do this my way - with a "no slate" instruction except for name, I decided I'd throw in my height as well since it became the issue during the last process. I still got dressed as I saw fit and I went all in as far as I could go during the audition with no partner but I got it done regardless because again, you gotta let crazy be crazy and you focused on your possibilities. This role was too much fun to pass up since I know the "type" they're actually in search for, but doing you and being an option is such a fun way to work on your character development and is what dreams are made of. Glad I got the opportunity to do a whole different role to show my range every chance I'm presented with...get out there and just do it with a smile because you know that they know, that you know...😂...celebration cake pop by the wonderful Michele to say "Well Done!"

DON'T GIVE UP! No matter the odds, no matter how much it feels like you're not being heard/noticed, no matter how you may feel at this moment, no matter what others may say for the good...DON'T PRESS THE QUIT BUTTON! Most people are gone within months of trying because the quick idea of fame and fortune doesn't hit. Then there are those who stay awhile...until something better comes along, whether that be a mate or a stable job etc., then they dabble if they can, when they can but it's just a hobby. Then there are those of us who understand this long game but are more aware that we can't breathe without this form of expression being released from our souls and it may take years upon years to get something out and we may still not have made it to our peak but we BELIEVE, we KNOW and we UNDERSTAND that we are all better for getting moments to do our craft than not to have. It truly sucks because I've known more talented people to quit, to walk away, to dabble than the ones that seem to "break out" at times and all I can say is persistence. When the going gets rough, PERSIST - when it seems like you've received nothing in return, PERSIST - when everyone around you seems to rise but you feel stuck, PERSIST because you can honestly say, looking back, you're not at the same place you were when you decided you were going to do this and that's because of your persistence. Yes, it's been a struggle - Yes, it's been truly one of the hardest things you've done - Yes, it's glorious and heartbreaking and gut wrenching and exciting yet so unstable right now but you've come a long way baby! Open yourself up to new investments of oneself whenever possible. For $60, my beast gifted me with a microphone set and I've been able to send voice over auditions whenever possible which have upped my opportunities, a whole different world for me to explore and be inspired by. No, I'm not the many accented gal, naturally gifted in gab but I make do with what I've done via acting for film/t.v./stage working tirelessly to get my tone known/recognized. Flexing my vocals to play a 12-14 year old Brit was a challenge I accepted and felt really good about and although I gave a great read, I'm sure they have a line of people they've worked with as well, so I persist. My 2nd day of a voice over audition of 2019 with a fun character read of a snobby, self indulgent fighter and I'm absolutely excited to see what this year has in store but I wouldn't know anything about it, had I not been open to pushing myself with this gift. I could've been too nervous, too scared, too whatever and let this chance slip away because I knew nothing about this side of the industry but I also knew I'd still be acting, just in a different way so why not? Take a chance on yourself, you've trained your art, fought hard to get here and you deserve as many opportunities to explore, challenge and share your work, so step into your light and shine!

Having my umma here was heaven sent and for 3 weeks I gobbled all that goodness up. Not only are there buckets upon buckets of freshly, fermenting kimchees but I was reminded that this is a side of me that isn't as acceptable to the industry or Korea. I'm half Black, half Asian and that's not looked at as being of Asian descent no matter the fact that I'm a full half...mostly because of my darker complexion. If I was white and Asian, I'd have some leeway and be called either multi-ethnic/ethnically ambiguous but being darker has it's own stigma and hasn't fully been recognized yet, so my job is to make it recognizable. I was born in Korea, I grew up eating Korean food and learning to cook in such a way as well as others. I've got a traditional Hanbok from Korea and although I'm not fluent ( shame on me, ) I do have phrases trapped in my head. So, when offered the chance to be a black and Asian character in an upcoming pilot presentation, I gently pushed for the opportunity to also show that it's not just what I look like but who I am as well and that includes me speaking in my native language. At first it was a weird thought...because it hasn't been done but it needs to be and who better to introduce it than myself right now at this moment. This is why your unique stamp is so important in representation, if you don't do it, then who will and when? It's time to fight for your space of who you are and who you can be without compromises, because you've gotta show this stereotypical business that you are not in a box and you will be counted! I was never ashamed of being who I was, I just never got to embrace all that I am with all that I do because of certain outlooks and I love all the sides of me...so time to show it! I'm absolutely humbled that they decided to step outside the box with me because there is a Korean gal representing diversity, but I can't tell you how much more interesting it is to have me, the mixed chick speak the language. This is how you make subtle changes, this is how you open the box, your UNIQUENESS is necessary - please share, this world needs more of us!!! This space has enough of the same ole same ole and they believe that works, so it's up to you being of different sorts to see all that they're missing. Push forward/fight to give them what is special about your craft! My umma is gone, but lucky for me, I can have over 8+ different kimchees on my plate, Korean work on my art and celebrate, that life is delicious!!!😋

The 2019 "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 1 & 2 ( Auditions #1 (+3) - #2 (1st comm. aud)

When it all goes wrong, keep calm and step on the gas... My umma was leaving after 3 weeks of family bliss - first Christmas, first Anniversary and first New Year's without my Appa and I had made her come and stay in our small humble abode to get away from it all. I had very little to deal with acting wise while she was here which was perfect because I wanted to spend as much quality time with my superhero! Right after the New Year, I see another voice over audition and decide to do it once home since it's another round of superhero/characters to play around with, 3 different sides and a quick read with my umma seeing me, for the first time, use my voice in different ways. I truly with all my heart know that a booking is around the corner, I just need the right people to really hear my voice and understand the texture I put on it but I feel I'm just so close to nailing these for the most part. Practice, practice and more practice through all the auditions given because it's always a chance, a shot, an opportunity to play, work and create for today and tomorrow. Slight, clean variations and bam, done.

The day before I have to go to the airport, I get an audition notification and as I read it after our massage, I can feel myself tensing up again. Of course it's set for 10:45 am - my umma's flight's at 11:50 am at the Burbank Airport and I was going to drop her off at 10:30a, so now the planning has begun to make this all work. Of course the notes in the section is all about not being late and not asking for time changes so I confirm but letting my agency know I'm headed to the airport and will do everything in my power to be there. Speak to my umma and let her know I have to drop her off earlier than usual, which I hate, in order to make it on time to my audition which she is absolutely down for and so understanding. Of course I'm up on time, of course we have a nice breakfast and of course I'm out the door in plenty of time to get to the airport without stress...but then there's the residual rush hour traffic and it's worse than usual, no biggie, but then my navigation has me going an unusual route which I follow because I thought it was because of terrible traffic only to end up at the Burbank Airport Fire Dept?!?! WTF, did I hit a wrong button, did I accidentally switch my navigation set up, who knows, but I just went through construction streets that took me around the airport and now at the private jet entrance and now late to dropping my mom off on time with plenty of time for me to drive to La Brea. Urghhhhhhhhh, navigation up again and it's 5 min's away and of course there is construction on all the streets getting me to the airport so now there's a few more minutes added to travel, I breathe because it's not about the audition, it's about my precious cargo and how much this time, just in the car means to me and I wasn't going to ruin it by stressing out over something I had no control over, I was ready to let it go today...just drop her off and forget about the audition since it all seems to be going wrong and head back home...missing my first audition of the year knowing that it was casting that requested me. As I held back tears letting my umma leave and hugging and kissing on her so hard, I'm sure she just wanted to leave 😂, I knew that this was all that mattered. I jumped in the car and hit navigation for my next destination which put me at almost 45 minutes late...there was no way but I made my way out of the airport and started heading towards the direction I was suppose to, telling myself I'd turn around soon if something didn't happen. I made the dreaded text to my agent and received the call back asking me what happened. I'm not late, especially to auditions unless it's outside forces...I've never made this call to my agent but here I am and I hate it. "Should I cancel?" "Why are we cancelling?" Which I then went into the brief explanation and letting her know I did everything, everything right this morning and I wasn't taking any fault beyond my control. There it is...I take responsibility when I know it's me but when it's not, I have no problem going with the flow, I have learned to let go and not fight currents because maybe there's a specific reason I'm not to be at such place...bummed accepting this but I've learned that when the universe is working against you or it just feels like it, LET GO! Now I'm letting go but I'm still heading in the direction I'm suppose to be going but I can spin this around at any time. As I'm saying this the navigation time went from 45, down to 30 to 15 minutes late and I report to her I can make it with minimal damage and she can make the call that I'm headed there. I haul butt to my place, park and race in...OF COURSE they're running behind and I relax knowing I was suppose to make it by letting go but not giving up. First commercial audition of the year done and I've already got a self tape request to handle this weekend...when things push against you, it's okay to let the spirit release it all as not to stress but don't ever give up fighting until the count is done my arties and that's how you go into a New Year, knowing you can truly be okay whatever the outcome because if you're suppose to be there, you'll be there and if not, then your mind/body/soul is going to be just fine as well! YAY to truly, finally not feeling like it's me and truly allowing things to be...I've come a long way baby and I hope that for all of you!!!

Bringing in the New Year surrounded by love and family is the only way I want to spend this meaningful moment. I use to think of the parties and go to some but they never were what I had hoped them to be, celebrating yes, but truly a place filled with real love was always lacking. When I started heading home for the after Christmas flight specials years ago, I would stay in with my umma & appa as we'd drink sparkling cider, watching Korean dramas cozied up in jammies and blankies waiting for the time to catch the ball dropping and it was my most magical time as I realized what was truly important. Not the big, fancy parties poppin' champagne filled with so much energy and people but the moments of looking at your folks and seeing how much they love each other and you. The promise to love each other more, to support each other more, forgive each other more and to make right the wrongs as much as possible by giving love even more. I knew it was the only way to spend my New Year...maybe one of these years I'll have to do a crazy party again or celebrate in Vegas again or in another part of the world, but for me, to see my umma & mammasan hike together and pass out by 11p as I hang in stubbornly on the couch with the beast even as he was shutting down, my heart was full and everything was as it should be. Eats and hikes and special times with family, whatever that is for you, that's the good stuff, the only stuff that matters because when your soul is filled, you can go out and fight like the superhero you are! Find what truly pleasures your soul with no excuses and go do that more often, forget about whether it's cool or great for social media, because if it makes your heart happy, it'll make others feel that purity as well. Let's be more connected, more focused with the tribe that truly matters and your art will become all the richer for it... 2019, here we come - grounded, unwavering and beautifully unique drenched in happiness because what is ours, will be! 💪