The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 27

Getting these lines into my bones whilst sitting on the passenger side to visit fam bam in San Luis Obispo. Mini vacay somewhat for someone who hasn't had a break since the beginning of the year and of the course the disappointment with having to cancel some Vegas time only to find out that was unnecessary but too late to get it back. Home auditions are awesome-sauce in this case, traveling possibilities happening at your fingertips so I take 'em and use 'em to the best of my abilities. This goodness was for a recurring co-star on a pilot in Atlanta with a cd I've been trying to just get a taped audition with, so finally...but with me in a new place, it was going to have pluses and minuses. Backyard looks great and the frame up different and nice (again, screw "professional" - you get what you get...period unless you call me back and state you want something else) but the cars in the background were totally lame along with a crow that only wanted to caw while I spoke. YEAH, good times but again, I don't ever stress about these, I assume they have peeps in mind and just using this gesture in case of. So with car noise, cawing crows but great background, I got it done and although with slow internet speed, uploaded and sent before the deadline of the following day. Keep doing these folks...even to no avail or maybe you've had better luck with 'em but either way, never stop having the opportunity to audition but giving yourself that gift, even if it seems to be a waste of time. It only takes one...just one to put you on a different map, don't leave yourself outta the game because you're too worried about how you'll take care of it, how you'll get there, who you'll stay with...it will all fall into place, someway, somehow...JUMP NOW!!!!

What's the best way to replenish, get inspired and be motivated to work hard??? Go see a play you didn't get into and more importantly watch the other actress they chose. It's not about self deprecating, it's about learning all the while as a creative. The reasons you weren't picked are out of your hands, don't dwell on that aspect of the business, you did your work, they loved you, there is nothing else but to sit back and pay attention. I love seeing my fellow actors get a role "we" all went for, at least it's in my circle and that is goodness waiting to be spread about, I also enjoy just watching other choices to see a different perspective on character. Plus, when you get to make a day of it by spending some time with your homie you haven't had a chance to see in eons, it makes it all worthwhile. I have very few people I trust my art/soul with and it's hard for me to get out of my comfort zone and just go hang out, I'd rather be home memorizing lines, cleaning up, watching a show...anything but going out but in this line of work, being seen is just as important if you pick them correctly. Sure, I hear the "networking" word thrown around, but if it's at a bar, hanging out just to maybe get a chance to chat with "someone" connected - no thanks. My networking is getting to a show I auditioned on Opening Night, seeing and getting hugs with love from the Artistic Director and Casting reinforcing my relationship with the same people who believe in me to call me in time and time again. I don't waste my energy, instead it's focused on the ones I love and trust most because this "networking" circle gets bigger in and of itself, no need to push...solid work will create those relationships with ease and then there will be more to talk about instead of the "So....what do you do?" I still want this role and eventually it'll be mine but for now, I'll enjoy my girl Tamika doing her do and getting that pitcher of Sangria in as well as scarfing down a 3 dessert tasting whenever I get the chance - Long Beach's Sevilla is now a happy place, especially with the use of a Groupon!!!

Last week I was a reader for 2 days and this week I was asked to help run a casting session for 3. I almost said no but thought to myself there is more to learn in this process...I've always wondered what causes one to be called in and another not to be and I received 1st hand experience into this world that is invaluable. I got to see preconceived notions of what "All American" was and what "Good Looking" is considered, as well as if a "celebrity name" is dropped as a reference, how hard it must be to deviate from that unless you're open enough to still think outside the box which also goes towards whomever the director may be as well as casting who must push that. I decided to take it upon myself to see if I could get anyone I knew that fit into the box as well as outside the box in and discovered how truly hard that could be and why management/agent may want all these different type of pictures to help push your work. Disappointed...very! Although 4 of the people I sent over were called in with much coaxing on my part...even having to link an IMDB page to one so casting could see different looks which helped the person get called in. The flat out no's were hard to take...the "he/she's not leading guy/gal material," the idea that it must be of a certain race only because that's what is stated is mind boggling. This was a difficult process but for those of my peeps that showed up, they showed out and that is where it lies. When you get the opportunity to walk into that space of an audition, you must bring it all...I know it may feel like it may not be for you but someone may have fought tooth and nail to get you into that room, DO NOT WASTE IT, show them out each and every time so that even though you may not book the role, you leave them knowing they need to call you in for something else. My experience on Day 2 with an actor was memorable so I have to comment on the exchange. The director and I decided to read a bit more than the scene had initially been called in for - WHY? Because there was a different color there to add and play with that wouldn't have happened with just the regular part, most actors were fine with it...one was not and boy did they voice their opinion about it. DO NOT BRING WHATEVER YOUR ISSUE IS WITH YOU FROM OUTSIDE...stay in your car, get over the road rage, your argument with friends or family but your audition starts when you get in the car! That person you may be flipping off may be going to the same place as you...hell, may be the casting or the director or even a friend of the production, don't let it start there. You got an audition, you were chosen...someone wants to see you and give you a potential job...this is what you fight for day in and day out, why ruin it with asinine behavior. I politely gave the heads up to this actor that there would be an added scene, this person would have at least 30 min's to just look it over when I stated it to them so they wouldn't be caught off guard in the room I was met with a "That would've been nice to know earlier..." (insert snotty voice here) - I politely asked if they needed the page since I had that in the room and if there was anything else...he looked at me to tell me "No, is there anything else..." WOW! I have been chatting with every actor that comes in, giving pages when certain ones didn't have it, telling them what they may expect in the room and yet, this is the response. I went in the room, did the scene with the actor and as this person left I simply stated that I had the rudest encounter with an actor outside about the extra page and if we (casting) could just leave that out for this person since it was such a problem, the director was a bit appalled and stated "let's not get into it with them." When I exited the room to get the next creative, I politely told that person that they were no longer required to read that page, it was unnecessary and we'd stop at where this person had worked to. They then stated more politely that they had pulled it up on their phone but I again reinstated it wasn't needed and not to worry about it. I gave this person my all in my read and watched it go as expected. The person had lost even before stepping into the room - you never speak to someone as if they're below you, not just because of who they may be, but would you like to be spoken to that way as well? Hopefully this person learned something today, I won't mention it to the casting director but this type of behavior already states what you'd be on set and no one really wants that on set for the most part nor do I want to be a part of helping that type of behavior anywhere near a set if it's in my power. The rewarding aspect is seeing all of your friends that you referred kick butt in the room, some got callbacks but all did well so that made me feel like I did something right...especially when one of the actors were one of her fav's!!! Best way to end the 3 day work session and store a wondrous memory of being on the other side of the table...I could see myself doing this one day...one day...especially the part for fighting for different, interesting choices that don't fit the mold. This is exciting...something else to look forward to!

A little escape to somewhere tranquil, off the beaten path, towards nature will always give your soul something to smile about. Moments at the beach for reflections will dig up some amazing life lessons that we should all partake in and although I never get to the ocean as much as I like, when I go, I realize I'm in the presence of greatness and all that chatter in my mind just subsides to the majestic beauty of all this grandeur. We must be like water...we must be like water...flow, constantly moving towards yet slowly etching our way, making our mark amongst the toughest of opponents, those unmoving, long standing ideas of what art, what we, how we present it is standard...our rocks. But low and behold, those hard surfaced rocks smoothed away by the constant, consistent crashing of waves and there we leave our marks that we've been here, pushing our art...our way into the crevices of long held ideals - WE FLOW!

So how do we celebrate? We celebrate with donuts...and lots of 'em! While hangin' in Grover Beach, you must do Surfside Donuts and although the pickin's are less adventurous during the week, I still ended up with a PB & J powdered deliciousness all up in my belly! I celebrate my non bookings, I celebrate my bookings, I celebrate my good days and my "bad" because art is a celebration folks, don't hold out...it's the small steps that get you to the big bang ones so don't skimp. Your mind needs it, your body craves it and your spirit couldn't go on if you don't remember to celebrate because this business can wear on you to the point that you've felt you haven't accomplished anything and that's not true. There is no way you can work on your art viciously without getting better, there is no way you can keep on auditioning without booking something if all is in order...there is just no way, the universe doesn't work like that so don't convince yourself it does. CELEBRATE...do it now, honestly look at where you were and how far you've come, you can perform in front of people now, you can make choices, you want this...see how much you've grown. Don't let this business do it's business by beating up your spirit, you must fight back, you will fight back and you will reap all the goodness you've sacrificed for but you've got to give your body, mind & soul some lovin' in order to fill the well of inspiration to keep you looking past the negatives into the light of it all because it comes but you've gotta hang in there long enough to see it. I'm hangin' in - let's hang in together, makes for a much better journey!

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 26

Wow, wow, weee-wooooowwwww! What an absolutely powerful week...found out my next play venture is officially postponed until after Thanksgiving and although most would feel bummed, I'm exhilarated at this opportunity. WHY? Because now not only do I get to perfect and study the Gullah accent asked of me, I get to take my time with memorizing the role at my pace, this actually opened my dates up for some conflicts in shooting my upcoming shows and I get to go into the New Year if all goes well with a new job ready for me. I also know this play, with all it's racial tensions presented will be a welcomed thought with all that is happening so who can be upset at that...yes, I did have to make some swaps and changes to work this play out only to have it changed but I've learned to go with the flow no matter how stressful it may be because in most cases it's outta my hands any way so why spend more than the venting time needed - life goes on, either jump in quickly or let things pass while fighting to no avail because this business keeps going and you must learn to adapt. It's moments like these you realize you're just a small moving part in a bigger picture, be thankful you don't have to be burdened with the other stuff for the most part. So here I am, making the most of my time and I see a short filming with pay and submit although it's for a NY casting director because auditions are there as well as in L.A. I get a notice for an audition in NY (which I'm not there,) so I respond stating I'm in L.A. finishing up a play with another following (before I knew of the date change) and asked for an L.A. audition time. Told to recontact her a few days from then to get some times in which I did with my schedule being a mess with rehearsals starting (not really)...never heard from her. I thought oh well until I found out about my clearing of said set schedule and contacted her once again with my IMDB link attached as well as a clear week to come in. She ended up contacting me to be a reader for the session I was hoping to audition in and of course since my schedule was free and I've always been interested in the casting process to see what actors bring, I was totally down and excited. 2 days from 2-6p in Hollywood with a NY casting office I've never met, getting to read multiple parts/characters and seeing other actors auditioning even for the role I had submitted for - what an insight guys...if ever you get an opportunity to do it, not for friends, but for an office, GO DO IT! It will open your eyes to some do's, don'ts and whys. I also learned that my training has been top notch because finding an acting coach to really prepare you for any situation is a difficult task but one not to be taken lightly. I saw so many things that made my brain explode with just bewilderment as I watched these creative beings come in one by one that I had to wonder why isn't simple information shared. You may know these things or you may not but it's always good to review, so let's dive in.

#1 - Do the homework guys. The full script was provided since it was only 17 pages or so, this may seem like a daunting task, but you must as an actor because I saw so many under prepared actors. They ended up missing opportunities to play because they were in the script and since being in the script, became flustered with text. We get tongue tied, things happen, most likely they'll give you a second take or you can just stop the take to focus but understand what you're going for and you can play with lines while getting back to the core of the message especially when the office seems clear with being okay to improv. Even after giving free reign to just make things up, I still ended up seeing actors look at the paper as if life depended on it. Dramatic improv is real, make sure you're doing it in class, I can't tell you how many actors were stumped for words as I rolled on waiting for them to interject. Homework, homework, homework - break down that scene, know what your character wants and how they're going about to get it and why. If you've got these basics, you'll be fine to play, so play away but the only way you'll get there is by really diving in. Surface work will get you surface results and you've already spent your day to work around this audition, time to get there, gas to make it and energy to try to get this character, don't waste your precious time...it's not worth it. Plus, when given a 2nd or 3rd opportunity to do the scene you'll be able to give them something different to see each time if need be...the choice will be yours but you won't have to play the scene the same way, over and over again with the same hand gestures because that's the only way you know how to do it.

#2 - Since having the script, you know the story...make use of that info. Most of the time, you've got to make it up but now it's there at your fingertips and although you don't play the ending as the character, you now know it, so your choices can reveal as much to coincide. I couldn't believe I watched actor after actor playing the same choices in varying degrees of anger and toughness but only laughed when the scene called for it. We laugh in awkward times in life guys, choose a place you can break up some of the monotony of a serious situation to give the scene some life...change. We change, we ponder, we don't know what the other person will say so let that affect you in whatever way it does and explore that but to play an angry scene just angry is like watching paint dry to me. It's a choice, could be even solid pending on how it's delivered but why not discover something else happening within all of that anger? Figure out what other colors you can bring to the character, within any given scene and I promise you, you will stand out...whether the first, middle or last person. I've been that person and for the most part never hired but I was always respected/remembered in that room and I fight hard to give the room choices they may have never even thought of but that is my art I'm fighting for up there - fight for yours. If you fight to make interesting choices, we may have more interesting movies to all go and support.

#3 - Know what you're doing before the scene and after the scene. I watched actors finish their line and then just look at the director...no finishing of thought, no having life after, no letting the director say cut, just an abrupt stop as if the scene ended with that...when have you seen that in a film. I'm sure it happens but usually there is a little life carried on even after the scene has ended so don't stop until noted to do so, a moment may come up that shows something completely different that they may want. Keep going until you hear cut or exit but do something, know you're doing something before and after.

#4 - Be confident in your work and exit the room. Do not ask if there is another way you can do the scene, no matter what you may be feeling unless you've felt you were totally off the mark, leave the room knowing you just killed it because they had nothing more to give you. I watched quite a few actors ask if there was something else, if the director wanted to see something else (as if she wouldn't ask) and I watched them look desperate and destroy the beauty they may have just done because why ask? Are you not confident in what you gave? Now you're making me question what I saw when I felt it was fine...leave it be, it's okay to leave the room speechless or happy, you made the callback...they like you...they really like you.

#5 - If a reader or someone in the room gives you a heads up because she (me) has overheard something and for some reason you never got the note either:
A. Ignore it
B. Do it and be confident about it
C. Ask in the room if you should do said things and go from there
 I get a reader could be shady because they want a friend/boy-girlfriend to book the role instead and not everyone is on the up and up as I may be but take that note with some validity because I was in the room with you reading the day before.
So, one of the actors did a full jacket change in the room during the 2 scenes because of the different feel of scenes but it broke some of the flow which was stated after. The actor was great and when they left, it was stated to send this person a note not to do that in the call backs. I happen to be outside changing for my sprung on opportunity to audition for the role and saw their jacket and didn't know if they were just going to do it regardless or if they had been given the note. Being the actor/instructor I am, I decided to let this fellow actor know that they didn't need to do that again and they should've gotten a note. This actor did follow my advice but after the 2 scenes, the director asked that on the redirects of the 2nd scene if they could simply take off the suit jacket that was on...maybe to give this actor a more relaxed feel. The actor did that, did the scene wonderfully but when it was all over decided to stop the room as they were exiting to ask about the jacket...WOW. Now the director didn't seem to get the fact that this actor was asking about the changing of jackets, not the simple take off but I watched this actor just go on about whether they would have different clothing etc., etc., etc. to the point that because the jacket was asked to be removed, they assumed I may have given them the wrong info which may have hindered the performance. I watched this, remarkably just giggling inside...this actor was the role, did bit things that none of the others had done and now in the room after the well received audition discussing a jacket change over a jacket take off...when in doubt, ask before the audition but don't make it a thing after, you lose power in your performance. After all of this, I focused, went in without any changes to my direction even after seeing everyone else's performance and rocked that room. I noticed what they may lean towards but I was going to show them other options are available if wanting to think outside the box. I didn't take too much time to read the room or see if they changed towards me as I finished up the reading process with the other actors...I do know as I left quickly after, not trying to hang out for even an extra second, the casting director walked me out, hugged me, told me I was fantastic and that she'd call me next week for another reader spot if open to it...that was all the confirmation I needed because this is the woman that barely shook my hands in the room when I first met her. Know your work and all that it's worth, don't belittle any of it, leave them speechless.

#6 - Don't walk in the room defensive, you're there, enjoy it. Don't say things like, "I usually do this in front of a camera" when asked to speak to the room when you're giving a speech...there is no camera in the room at the moment...pretend there is one. I incredibly saw, many actors snap back when given a note, you do understand that it is a part of the job, you must take someone else's ideas into consideration and when you walk in ready to fight, you've lost the battle in the room. You may wonder why you're not getting a certain response to your work - take a look closely, this may be a simple reason.

I get this is coming from someone who hasn't "made" it yet, it's all a humble opinion from just another actor trying to make it but it's simple info that should be shared. We're all here following our dreams and it makes me sad seeing most people walk away because they don't get the response they assumed they'd have, sometimes it's because of timing but sometimes it's just within the work. Take a look into your work because if you're honestly doing all these things, it's just a matter of time. This may not get you the immediate bookings, hell, it's taken me an awful long time just to get to this point and I'm still at the bottom but I've realized I have built trust in my work and people know when they call me in, they're going to get something other than the norm which will be solid/strong and interesting. Go for it guys, don't hang back in the wings - that is not your place, others may feel safe there, let them do that but if you're looking for some fulfillment in the audition process, begin by creating and playing...it's your right as an artist!

During the madness of these two days, of course I have my fitting for "Trouble Creek County" as Deputy Kirby, a series coming soon with some faces you'll recognize. Getting our wardrobe from the set of "Major Crimes" is completely awesome and I get to wander around Raleigh Studios. I've never been called to audition for the show, but how cool is that to even be so close to it and now with this series, it just may open that door...if not another.You never know what or where one job may lead, so take the smaller pay out of it and realize it's paying within SAG terms, you get to work on a good project and do something outside of yourself in the process. I've never had the chance/opportunity to read for a sheriff/cop/sergeant etc and I realize it's because of my look...I'm an ethnic with long curly hair and that's just not done really. There's a "professional" look that has always been the bane in my backside as if my hair can't be pulled back, put into a bun or just be curly like other people because when you're black, your hair in of this industry can be a problem because that's life. I remember a fellow co-worker telling me "when my hair was straight I looked more professional, more like I should be there compared to my natural curls." You may laugh now, but this was the thought and idea of many in order for ethnic minorities to "fit in" and that was within the last 10 years. Of course with life changing around us, more people becoming aware and the openness of some in the industry, the idea that you must have straight hair to be professional as an ethnic are slowly being put away because it's simply not true and that includes length, kinkiness etc. I love fighting for that because I remember when this industry wasn't so kind as I changed my hair from pressing it bone straight every day to curly and losing jobs/auditions because that wasn't the norm...I couldn't even get extra work most of the time but during this time, I just worked on my art, made it focused because that is what I wanted to be judged on...that was what I was fighting for. I hated waking up 2-3 hours early just to repress out my hair, not being able to work out fully because the hair may get all weird before/after an audition and hinder me from the next, I was tired of this aspect of my art being judged by my hair and I decided that I'd take 1-2 auditions a year, maybe book one if I was lucky and live my life instead. It's been a journey to get here and to see all these diverse, young/old actors now with all these different, natural hairstyles brings joy into my heart because this was a struggle, not for most but for a select few. So being this character, getting to play her from a small town not as a side kick but as a deputy is such a wondrous opportunity, I almost cry when I think about it. I can't wait to smash this role into a million pieces, because I'm gonna prove it's the work, the art that matters and because they trusted me with it, I'm gonna give it to them like nobody's business.


Out of the blue, I also got a call to shoot another short with Sue and Brian of "The Package" which was a special, unexpected treat. I will always make time for them if possible because good people in this industry are hard to find and when you do, you fight to work with them - even if it means closing your play the night before and racing first thing in the morning to shoot all day...with emotional scenes to play. Again, this was such a test to my training and work...exhaustion can play a role in your art, especially when having to call upon tears over and over again in a scene but with training, it doesn't become a one and done thing, you learn to recall and keep recalling until it's over. I could feel my tear ducts drying up, especially after lunch break but it was needed so I had to find them by other means. Usually a good night's sleep will allow me to go at it all day long if need be but with being pulled thin, I had to have tricks up my sleeve to stay in and stay in I did. I'm glad all these years have not failed me when needed, all those classes of making choices, finding what moves me, getting to know the creature within is paying off. Even when I felt I wasn't going to be able to do it, it came - those tears needed for the scene came repeatedly and what a great experience into feeling even more confident in my craft. I can't stress training constantly, consistently and pushing yourself past your comfort zone to explore your art, when you need it, this won't fail so keep training someway, somehow. Do theatre if you're not in class (I know it's time consuming but let it be your class) because acting is a muscle you must work in order for you to get what you need when called upon. Don't stop training...

Almost complete with Season 2 of "Cheetah In August" shooting last of the scenes in a few weeks, which lines will need to be brushed up once again. Premiere happening in L.A. with free tickets if you act quickly on Sept. 30th, along with a short poetry, promo (with picture of the poet to the right along with the Bawn men), to give way to the ladies of "August." What an absolute honor to work with the LGBT community and although saddened by the outbursts of homophobic ideology, this is the reason they must keep expressing their pain, hurt and humanness through art. I'm so glad to be a part of an industry that is trying to embrace that instead of ignore it, we're all too precious to suffer through out life because of views made by others or religion or upbringing. If you've been oppressed in any way, you must find it in your heart to support the oppressed...understand what you were considered once as the oppressed and you'll understand why. Love...LOve...LOVe...LOVE and keep that....

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 25

New show audition and having to show up in yoga/workout clothes, no make-up (I laughed because most girls did it but you could tell it wasn't a comfortable thing for the lot of 'em, so I saw make-up anyway) in downtown L.A. in the midst of traffic doesn't sound fun but was truly a wonderful occasion. This character is gonna be fun and physical which I liked about the role and on a subject I know enough of. Based in a time while I was growing up, I remember this group so I'm excited to see what they do with it. Nothing stressful about this audition at all and it actually turned out to be the place on seeing a very familiar, but long ago face, loved seeing you Jamie and meeting you Keena. I love when I get to reconnect with beautiful souls along with seeing a healthy helping of gorgeous, ethnic women with their hair out since the role called for it. I was even able to throw my axe kick in the mix with a slight hold at the top for dramatic effect before delivering my last line...good times, fun stuff and whatever it is will be. I've got my hands full now, wouldn't mind adding this madness to the mix but I'll be just as happy for any of us to book this fun role. I felt so light walking in, seeing beauty everywhere and when I finally landed in the seat I had to say "It's such a wonderful thing seeing all you beautiful woman with the hair all natural and doing it." We're so focused on our sides, our mind getting into the game, we forget to just appreciate those around us and to uplift each other to get it done with confidence in the room. I love cheering everyone on, I hope for everyone to smash it in the room so that not only is it difficult to figure who to cast but to also keep us all in mind for the next project. I want to see more ethnics at all auditions, not only the ones that call for an ethnic female but for the roles that don't specify, then I'll know we've all made another step for the future together and that means we've gotta rock them auditions to another level. We can help ease that tension by a kind word or acknowledgement each time we're in the room...go ahead, break the silence, compliment someone else and let that energy just permeate. I'm never in competition with you, only myself to do better and be better, each of us has our own unique stamp so I need not fear your light because mine shines just as bright. Not everyone believes in their own power, hence jealousy, weird vibes sent out and negative energy given but don't let that be your story, you are more than that and if they don't choose you, it is always their loss, not yours. You'll shine bright when its yours and yours alone and that will happen, you've just gotta trust that it will and since you know this, there is no need to harbor any issues with any other artist so let that free a space in your work to go in and be the fierce you only you can be.

I've been seeing these posts about doing what you do well, not what you're passionate about because you might not be up to snuff in what you're passionate about...hmmmmm. I say if you're passionate about something you're bound to be good at it because you've taken the time to learn (hopefully) everything you must in order to succeed. This business isn't about passion all the time but as you can see, not all talent is on an equal plane either...sometimes it's the tenacious that edges through because I know way more talented, out of work actors than I see sometimes talented working actors. Why is this? Because having passion means something, it's that drive necessary to take those classes when you need to pick up a shift just to make ends meet. It means rehearsing even when your day is already full enough, it means working on your craft to a point that it is undeniable in the room and that means having enough passion to push yourself to another level when it seems all isn't working. See if I had listened to that advice, I would've been a server for life, why, because I'm damn good at it and I do love it but look at what's happened just in the last 2 years? Were there times it would've been better to keep being the martial arts instructor as well...yes, but I knew in my heart that I was destined for this, I knew there was room for me in this business but I just had to hang in. If I had listened to these types of mottos, I wouldn't be really in my purpose right now, so I'm gonna tell you again - if you're passionate about this work, this business and can do it for the long haul and figure how to survive while doing so, then you do it. Do not listen to "reason" if you've been told there is something there by others and you realize it as well, you were made to do what you love and you will become good at it but you must stay focused and passionate about this journey...then and only then will you see your work pay off. It may take 10, 20, 30+ years, you may be late 20's, late 30's or even in your 50's before you see the dent, but if you're willing to sacrifice, make the hard choices to stay afloat and keep going at them with all you've got regardless of the rejection...IT WILL COME...believe! I'm living proof of that, with odds stacked against me from the beginning - from starting late on this road in life, to being an ethnic woman to boot and having a particular look that most can only see one way, I've been able to carve a path...slowly but surely but it's mine. DO NOT LET ANYONE TAKE AWAY WHAT IS YOURS - period, you'll only do yourself a disservice as well as the arts so try to do what you're good at while making the way towards what you dream of and that is a life well lived always.

This past weekend was my chemistry read for another show that I've been waiting to hear about. It's a role that if played well, will add another character being into my bag of artistry and I want it badly. Had to take the day off of work since I had no clue on how long it may take and didn't want to stress about anything on this special day. I made it to the place a couple minutes late with parking being a bit all over the map, but settled in and saw the other black female I was to be against. She looked cleaner than me...I mean more in an FBI kinda way and I liked it but it wasn't my choice in my look of the character. Relaxed sweater, jeans and my tie up looking snow boots for a small town feel to her was my push, I could see this was going to be interesting because this was all about what they ended up liking more so I knew I was going to have to go all in and risk it all. I introduced myself to the other female counterpart and asked to run lines since we were waiting anyway, got halfway through when she was called inside with the other female whom I told to "kill it" in there. I went about reading my lines and watched a guy walk in and rub his back on the shelving fixture. I asked if it was a pinched nerve and told him my level of contrite towards 'em, ended up giving him an elbow to his back to relieve his pain before his read while neglecting to stay focused on mine - HA! Lucky I had already done as much work as there was to be done, it was just implementing what I remembered from their notes to adding some new touches. He wished me luck as I went in and I did the scene, even made the girl giggle uncontrollably because I had committed. They gave me some redirects which I realized where some of my first choices so I quickly made the adjustment and went back at it knowing I did what they wanted but the decision was theirs. I left smiling and getting a thumbs up from the guy outside, giving him a thumbs up back. The next day I was told the role was mine if I wanted it and of course I accepted just dancing on my way back to the car from work. I was told who one of the guys were going to be because I had a scene with them, who I happened to help with my elbow work and realized I had watched him growing up...my dad loves some of the movies he's been in...can't wait to spill the beans, my daddy gonna be so jelly!!! Well cheers to getting another opportunity to play something different once again, love it when it's a role untreaded by me, challenge accepted!

Plenty more to do but almost finished with this gem of a show "Cheetah in August" with it's trailer for the new season. Please be mindful when watching because of the adult themes but the role I get to play is pure magic for me, can't wait for this to come out. Another shoot date coming up along with more promos to send your way! Love being a part of the LGBT community and getting to share my work with such a wonderful cast/crew...stay tuned!

Still neck deep in Shakespeare and loving it more as the weeks pass by so quickly. So good to see my Lifebook Family - Katherine, Sharon, Jared, Tuka and Ryland, along with Pat (stage manager from "Flyin' West") and Tina (from the recent new Discovery Show) - you guys made my night just that much easier being able to celebrate it with you...thank you ever so much! There are still 2 weeks left to catch this show at the Garden Theatre Center in Burbank if you so desire for an interesting look of this production along with the imaginative uses of the theatre space as well, still pay what you can. So thankful to be a part of a tremendous cast that has covered my rear when the words have failed me at times because although I'm not new to the stage, this is absolutely my first dealing with the lingo of another sphere. So with much love, I'm ever so thankful for my castmates whom have experience in this genre and are allowing me to grow each and every time my foot hits the stage. I love being "Maria," she has been an eye opener for me...can't wait to do more but first, "Bee Luther Hatchee" next!

I finally got to catch up on a movie I've been wanting to watch for quite some time and boy oh boy was it needed. "Trumbo" is definitely a must watch so that we are not doomed to repeat ourselves, which we keep on doing through out our history. Power in the wrong hands, used for "righteous" causes can rain down terrors for ridiculous reasons of fear which put me right into what we're dealing with now in our midst. The fact that many artists were attacked for "communist" actions/thoughts in our free country is reminding of how people scream out the fear of terrorism or racist ideals without even realizing the hate spewed in them...and for what? This witch hunt of communism ended up with little to nothing to show for all it's grandeur much like the "war on drugs," "war on ethnic groups"....war, war, war because that's what we've got to be in to feel alive. Why do we repeat instead of learn, because instead of thinking outside the box we'd rather follow the masses. What we're taught as children until adulthood, what we've somewhat experienced is never to be questioned by us because what we know is gold and these are facts?! Listen to whatever you're raving about now...is it more important than your health, good life, family and love or are you saying that it is? What are we doing to ourselves, to our futures because we're just so darn right about it all? Really...are you really?! I loved this movie because honestly, it shows me what people can do when fear and hate takes over, I'd prefer to be on the other side when history decides to tell the story...my story will be love and what I can do to connect instead of unplugging. Choose love, use your work to question it all and hopefully bring about more light, that is the gift to leave...let's give 'em love folks and maybe one day, we can actually create new history with new paths with it all! Let's work!!!

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 24

I've been burrowed into my own home for the last 4 days getting over 7 scenes into my noggin. Trying not to feel overwhelmed but needing to push my memory sense to the brink because I had 2 other scenes to memorize for the last audition and now I've got the "chemistry" read to get back into, as well as keeping Shakespeare fresh on my mind. Times like these, you have to thank you body and mind for just keeping all of these words/scenes compartmentalized. Knowing I have to pull off 2 distinct characters this evening
with 17 pages of dialogue with monologues everywhere, it's hard not to stress but with stress comes easy mistakes...breathe, breathe through it all and keep pushing through. A few words at a time and it's yours, I'm one scene away on a piece that may not be used this evening but I should be comfortable with "just in case..." 4 days isn't enough but with my schedule it'll have to do. All day, every day with breaks in between, playing Pac Man on the Playstation just to jolt my mind out of the heaviness of the words as well as catching an episode here and there of shows I'm missing. These may seem like distractions, but if well paced, these slight distractions help my mind hone in more on my text...I can't just sit and memorize 17 pages, my brain needs breaks to ingest, process and solidify what I'm trying to get across and nothing does it like chomping down on some ghosts. I can't wait for this evening to be over, to only have the "chemistry" read (it's where you and a few others are in consideration of the role and they bring you in to see if you pair well with another particular individual playing another role) coming up in another day, a small piece that I memorized while driving about town for the next evening, with Shakespeare as well to perform, my mind can finally just relax - HA! TRAIN, TRAIN, TRAIN is all I can keep harping on...do not take it for granted that you're a natural, times like these will come up and only because you've trained meticulously in your craft will you be able to deal with this type of hecticness. Even with this training I've felt like my brain was just going to curplode, how much more can I put up there and then...voila, another scene. It's one thing to get a script, get it down and even that has it's own difficulties but to get pieces of a story here and there, to create each scene from your mind because it has to come from somewhere if you don't have the full story and to understand it as well as making sure it comes across, that my friends is art. I usually don't stress about the words being stamped in my brain but understand the more you have it in your being, the easier the words and the more you're able to play and that's the fun stuff. If you can't play, you're not enjoying the process so get it down as much as possible folks because writers wrote for you to help tell the story but if you understand the character, the words will make themselves known as well. After reading sides, I make a quick assessment as to who my character is and as I keep looking over my lines, I discover what makes my character tick. What does this person want, why do they need it, and how are they going to get it in this scene, I need...no I have to win, I have to get what I want...how do I do that? Training with get you through this gauntlet quickly and instead of taking extra time to break things down, you'll be able to process it while constantly re-reading the scene but I wouldn't be able to do that without spending most of my time in classes, getting critiqued, being pushed and trying to see the task at hand can have different perspectives. Every actor can look at a page and decide what's happening but it's up to an artist to discover how to get it in a unique way, your way that should be different from the hundreds of other actors walking into the room. Go out on the limb, discover the unknown, challenge yourself to find your unique imprint on the scene and "fail" - keep "failing" until one day it clicks...not for you, for them! Although I was called in for Libby and Shelita, my heart leaned towards Libby in this play - I just wanted her so bad because I knew it would be a challenge. I read the monologue and scene 1 of Libby and was asked to get prepared for Shelita, so I changed my clothing into business attire and started in on my Shelita scenes feeling I must've been too "exotic" for the look of Libby - feeling bummed. Get back in only to be asked to read the Libby monologue again and while doing so was getting yelled instructions by the incomparable Saundra McClain - be older, have fun now, louder etc. I stayed in and I'm now officially booked as LIBBY in Bee Luther Hatchee at the Sierra Madre Playhouse next! I didn't even have to touch Shelita which I would've given my all but my heart was true on Libby, so WAHOO to infinity, another dream role at another new theatre with my mentor Ms. McClain!

During these past few weeks, it was that time of year again to go on my hard core Master Cleanse which I've been in a love/hate relationship for over 15+ years. No eating, no drinking anything else but the lemon/green raw cane sugar/cayenne pepper and the teas, water and salt water flush for that movement necessary to scrub a dub-dub those insides! It's been a while since I've decided to do at least 12 days and so I made it all the way to 13 and would've done at least one more day had it not been for a friend's Born Day celebration I'd like to attend in a few days at one of my favorite Puerto Rican joints for mofongo deliciousness. I lost around 10lbs which 1/2 should be back in no time since it's mostly water but I feel fantastic, I made it surprisingly without any truly hard, crappy days that I usually experience and that's with working in the bakery at the same time. I did lose inches and that's my main focus plus I could see the toxins leaving my tongue. When you start, there's a white, yucky weird coat that comes over your mouth and as you get clean, your tongue turns bright pinkish/red. Even with 12 days you can still see the splatter of whiteness but by the 13th day, my tongue is free and clear. Coming out of this kind of detox is just as important so please do your research, but I started with the alkalizer in the morning, pineapple juice in the afternoon and since I've done this for many years, I now know I can do soup but mostly the broth as my first bowl. However, my 2nd bowl, I put a bit more veggies in to fill my very empty tum tums. Every body is different so take time to learn, I've gotten a bit sick before by rushing off my cleanse because of an event I had to be at with fantastic smelling goodies and the feeling after isn't worth it. Read everything you can and make a choice on a cleanse you can stick to and feel good on. The Master Cleanse is a hard one but I believe it's one of the most affordable and easiest to stomach because once those toxins leave, you do feel energized enough to keep working, working out lightly and just moving about. You do smell foods like a super power so I warn you on that ability you'll develop as the cleanse goes on! =) I believe a good cleanse can heal the body and also make it stronger for any other disease that's ready to attack. No, you won't die...I promise and doing it for just one day is better than never I say. With so many choices to clean, take a look and get into feeling just as great about your insides as you do your outsides, healthy inside and out is truth here! My first breakfast the day after was a 1 soy free-egg, veggie omelette with some organic potatoes which really just tasted like steak to me - yummers!!!

Got to witness some serious love the other day which made me so happy internally. We tend to focus so much on the negative, so much in only our points, we forget the beauty and simplicity of love. Let's keep pushing the love folks, there's enough hate to go around and I'm just tired of the fear-hatred that seems to be on loop for most folks. That's not life, it's not living and I don't want to spend one second allowing it a breath in my sphere. Being here is difficult enough, dealing with day to day is heavy enough, my soul isn't built to perpetuate hate and I refuse to be a part of it. Whatever you think is so important in your life that you must make others feel less than or preach to, isn't worth it. Live by example and you won't have to shout your message if someone is interested, just let be - unless you are promoting love truly with every fiber of your being, there is nothing else to do or say that is so important...life is short, choose love always and you will see yourself feeling happier now in you and your art! Go out there and change the world, one being at a time, one kind gesture at a time, one role at a time...

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 23

Another theatre audition but this time for the LGBT community! I love the fact that my art can take me any where, do anything and I've learned to come from such an open space I don't carry the negativity the world can dump on one's soul into my life anymore. Beliefs, I chuck them at the door because I've learned that they have no room in my artful creations because with beliefs come judgements and you must let that go before becoming any character or you end up playing one character...all the time...I ain't got time for that! I've always taken pause to hear what one's beliefs will stop someone's work, but then it does nothing to contradict violence on any level. I've always wondered what that judgement was and decided it would not be a part of my being...if I'm willing to be violent, horrific etc, what is the issue with any other issues in my art? Art is produced to make one think and that's all I want to be involved in. Artful work that creates conversations. Understand where you stand but also question it as well and hopefully you come up with a space of realizing how and why you may judge. Walking into this tranquil building was exactly what my senses needed, filled with love, eye art and even a rock-glass sidewalk so to speak. Rocks...the way "different" people must make themselves in order to deal with the world and all of it's glorious judgements, only to be smoothed away by love's water, only love. I love being around love...I don't care what type of love it is, if it is pure love, I am in bliss being able to be near it, witness it and with my beast, be a true activist in it and let's not confuse it by going into utter madness shouted by ridiculousness, human love in it's purest form is the most transcending light to shine in this dark, cruel world. Let love be...for the love of God, this world would be better if we'd just let love be. This play seemed raw, fresh and life realizing so getting to go in for a "homeless woman" was fun but I went from that to a militant to a hooker in no time as I read for them. Good times and I took a day and a half to memorize 6 pages of a monologue which turned into 3 pages when I signed in. After reading I was asked to read for 2 other characters which I quickly grabbed, was able to ingest between 2 other females auditioning and then in again. 2 pager, then 4 pages of cold reading all putting it out there...boy does improv, training in my craft and just being confident in my work pay off in times like this. Sometimes it's just best to get in and get it done, don't waste too much time trying to get it perfectly because you can't - it's been 7 minutes and there is no way unless you're one of those speed memorizers, so let it go and be...be you! What they get is what they get, they asked for it and you did it - that is all that matters. I felt great about it but it's gone, I'm on to the next 2 lead female audition for another big theatre happening next week, with over 8 scenes to place in my head as I finish up my show this weekend as well as work - I do not let my mind linger on past projects. Loving auditions and letting them go is the name of the game here, you'll be happy and feel more free once you learn this part of the audition process - difficult, yes but then this game opens up. Aaaaaaannnnnnnnndddddd I get the callback for the "Hooker" role which may contradict my other callback if it includes a booking for them both, so we'll see what happens this week - looking forward to having to make some tough choices, love when that happens!

I'm now 2 weeks down in Shakespeare's lovin' of "Twelfth Night" as Maria and although a "lower" budget production, it speaks volumes to diversity and acceptance. Although nervous having never been given the opportunity to audition in this realm to then book it and perform it, I've been finding my own voice in a smaller, but very intricate role in my character. I don't have as many lines as the major part of the cast but I am involved throughout the play which has taught me to be ever so present. Having to crawl back and forth as well as acting as if I can scale walls to get a partner on the wrong side of the stage or a forgotten scarf needed by my fellow actor...making things work within the scene yet still get it together for mine has given me so much growth in my work in a different manner. For a bit, I felt maybe no one could really see me nor care but as I walk past folks to my car and hear them whisper "She's a really good Maria" just makes my heart burst. Now I'm sure there's been negative comments as well, but I haven't heard them so I'm not focused on that aspect. I get people have their own ideas on who my character is, I'm just excited for the freedom given by Kate Jopson who's done Shakespeare since a child and still willing to give room to other artists exploring what this story and their character means to them. To be told I'm pleasantly understood and that I have a firm grip on the text was my heart's worry - I laugh because only if they knew that I'm just reading it the only way I can, I haven't been trained any other way and since we're not having to do it in iambic pentameter (thank God) I'm okay with not stressing about the rhythm of the text. What a wondrous experience to be able to explore this other tongue and get wonderful reviews while doing so (see below's link to L.A. Times review.)  Docu-trailer follows with some behind the scenes footage for your viewing pleasure - ENJOY GOODNESS!

 http://www.latimes.com/la-et-cm-twelfth-night-burbank-review-20160720-snap-story.html

Whilst doing all this theatre, I must support it as well whenever I can and although it's usually tough, every once in awhile it lines up just enough for me to race there from work and catch a show after a crazy weekend of shows and work being about 2 minutes before show. Gotta check out "Armadillo Necktie" written by Gus Kreiger and directed by Drina Duruzo which each of the characters had for me as the viewer. Unapologetic in their flaws, blinded by their own virtues hindering them each to see what it takes to truly change someone...which comes from within. Brilliantly written, with fantastic direction and as I saw these artists giving it their all with the lingo I began to look within to see if I'm so wrapped up in me that if someone was to view my scenes in my life if they would look so confined. I hope not, but hopefully this play will open some sleepy eyes to seeking the truth, the real truth...in everything and in everyone. We like to just believe...for some reason, we believe whatever into truth because someone told me so, that's reported as such, this is what I see but there is always so much more to discover if only you'd release these chains that bind. With complexities in whom you're attracted to, who you decide to listen to without question, to die for what you believe is oh so right...but is it? Where are all our convictions leading us? When will we learn to step in and help? When will we realize we may be the problem as well? These are just some of the questions I pondered watching this show featuring a non deterring Capt., a following Sergeant, a questioning Muslim, a Good 'Ole Boy and a self sacrificing Woman in a bunker filled with who's who and what each is after. I won't say more except you must take a moment to catch this gem if possible, good theatre is hard to find in L.A., support the ones that are!

So after hearing all the terribleness sent over Twitter about Leslie Jones I decided to send out love. It's not much and maybe she'll never receive it but you must do what you can when you can to help spread love...quit standing by and waiting...waiting isn't helping, you must do whatever it is in your own space to make change happen. I not only went to support "Ghostbusters" but I sent a picture out of me and my beast in front of the theatre with a message - U win, despite hate, despite being black, despite being a woman #f@%khate-Ichooselove #loveforleslie! SPREAD LOVE...this world is in dire need of your art and love, get to work arties!!!