The Glamorous Life of Auditions - Day 37

My very first voice over film audition for a full length, animated feature film which I decided to do with the microphone and just my voice which was fun because I got to just roll outta bed and do it - I think I like this process even more so. Guess who gave me the audition - the same casting office I sent the wrong audition to last week, wowsers! It's moments like this I have to keep reminding myself to just keep doing my work at the best level always and when I don't book, I do know I've made fans in the room. I've been told about my voice and I hope to make good on it more this year. I saw a few posts about it from other actors and have to say I'm just proud that Lifebook Acting ( he's offering a free 4 weeks of classes right now but it won't last long - use my name if you want to check it out) is finally making it's rounds in the Show Biz World of L.A. See, I truly believe our community cultivates some of the best actors around because of our instructor Allen Levin who always pushes for the truth and allows nothing to go untouched. His meticulous eyes that seem to dig into your work mercilessly at times has changed the regular actors into aspiring truth seekers if you allow it to be so and if you want it to be so, because you as an artist must choose how far you will go into your work and the further you decide to push, the further Allen's nudges will come. He allows you to go so deep and wants that so much for your work that it is only time until he wears you out to get there and keep going there until you are so comfortable in your skin you can create in a blink of an eye if given the opportunity. That's what instructors do...they're not there to cripple you, make you feel like you need privates to create your character, tear into your soul so you never want to bear it or act like such a guru that you as an artist can't see what is real and what isn't. He will tell you I never needed as much instruction as the need for confidence to pursue my characters to the depths of the darkness and back...see, when I go dark, it is deep to the point it scares people because I can become so intense that people think I'm working something out when all I'm doing is finding the depths into which I can push this person so that you can see the truth. This is why I believe I can tell fakeness from realness in an instant now...it's my SUPERPOWER! I have dug into some of the darkest chambers of life I can connect to all sorts of different beings because we all have that in us...we all are connected...we all share that in the blood of our being so if there is a killer amongst us...hence the reason why I believe you can create the most hated/feared person into someone vulnerable and wanting because it is human but you must allow yourself as an artist to understand that and know even though that isn't you, it is in you and that is where the truth of it all lies. I now can see people that claim they are mother earth and are far from it, they're still trying to convince themselves...I can see people hurting inside when they are smiling so big for the world...I can denote self hatred because of the lack of love by really listening...I can see it by really watching and looking to see the truth because as actors that is our job. I was terrified of people seeing all that strength and pain in my work but that was the only way I knew how to express it and my instructor embraced it and pushed it further. I cried saying "I don't book because of it - I think I scare them in the room," "I'm too much for what they wanted to see," "I don't think they get me..." - his reply always - "GOOD! They will wake up to you, keep giving them your truth." Now when I act/audition, there is no burden - just simple, pure freedom to create and push the way I feel like I need to in the room. The job is the job but my interpretation of it is everything so I have learned that quietness in the room as they drink up all that I have poured out to be their awakening as to see the work in another view, that I take my pride in, that's where the creative process that is all mine is developed. Too much - good, too far - good, too deep - good...the director can pull you back, the casting can ask for another way, the character when you know more about her may not have to go there but you as an artist must for a moment just to see where that takes you. So go, make it your own and shine, don't be like the others, don't you dare even try for that is not your truth - you are you and there isn't anyone exactly like you so use that to your advantage to wake this industry up from the same ole same ole...WE CAN DO IT...it is our truth, so go do that and keep doing that until they understand it.

Just completed another stage play for the wonderful Kimba Henderson in which I got to dress up like a princess and watch other talents in dancing/singing/rapping as well. Coming together and making this very subtle faith based play, something I knew I wanted to be a part of. We even got headsets ya'll, which was a first for me so I have to say, allowing myself to do this really helped me see another facet of theatre acting that is just different yet oh, so fun - fun!!! This play became extra special because when one of the characters had to drop out, I was able to refer a couple of great actors and Jared (another Lifebooker) got in...love working with people I know and being able to see them do what they love as well, is so fulfilling. I could hear the crowd murmur throughout because they were just so sucked in to the beauty of the play, although this wasn't done on the larger scale of my last few plays, I had a blast being involved with something so meaningful for so many people out there and seeing their faces after because they just needed to say how much they loved the show. I was so moved by everyone's dedication (especially the youth) that I got mini cuppy cakes for the stage peeps (they never get told enough how much we appreciate them) & made my gluten free, soy free, dairy free & even egg free brownies with and without nuts. With so many people with allergens, I've found my treats to be a hit for everyone and there is no one that can tell the brownies are made so clean unless I tell them. Vegan desserts can be the business and so good for everyone too! I even made sure to treat myself in the process since I wanted to celebrate doing 3 plays back to back and not going crazy ( reg cuppy cakes for the day and my vegan brownies for the week - yes, I celebrate for as long as I can...when I can...2 down, one to go - WAHOO!!! Even got massive bruises for the love of Mark Twain's "Adam & Eve!" Ah...the things you put your body through to express art!

My last post I did some fast foodie options on the vegan side, so I wanted to show the other side of goodness as well. When you've got some time to cook, you can make an array of fun delicious foods that can be quick yet more "home cooked" as well. I grew up on kimchee and when my mom comes over, we make buckets of it together and that ferments in the fridge or containers in the garage until I eat my way through slowly. Kimchee can last for as long as you want it and it's just as good for you fresh as it is fermented, being inexpensive to make with so many options to explore as well. One of my favorites is kimchee fried rice...I don't add anything but kimchee, some of the juice along with sesame seeds and green onions and voila...a meal that can be eaten over and over again - so good for you as well. For me, learning to make this vegetarian dish has saved me so much money when I was struggling to eat while surviving living in L.A. because money had to be used else where so food had to be a small expense and learning to stretch vegetables into meals all week became a necessity. Meat was a luxury I could afford here and there but to learn how to buy little meat and make it last for a week with other foods was a learning process I am glad I got used to. Full salads with beans I cooked up in what felt like 2 days make my meals more filling and still in my 5-6 day vegan range, I add quinoa and everything else including sweet potatoes I had baked for the week and any other veggie in my reach with hearty dressings made via solar power that are tastier than the other stuff with no soy as well. Vegan tacos with the beans I made can make my tacos even heartier, although I do add vegetable ground meats along with rice and my own home made pico de gallo with left over veggies that needed to be used asap! I'm learning and it's not as difficult as I had imagined to eat this way and the more I do, the less I need because my body seems to get all the fuel it needs from every nutrient rich molecule I'm feeding myself now. Veg chorizo with a soy free egg on an organic muffin with a coffee shake (with coffee flavor cashew milk ice cream, coconut milk, cacoa nibs and cacoa powder) make for a very filling breakfast. With all this goodness, sometimes your food just sends you love...

I even wash my plastic bags out more so than my mom - ha! If it touches meat, it gets thrown out, but if it has only stored bread/veggies/fruits, then I reuse, reuse, reuse, even been composting for quite some time but I'll save that for another day but does your dish rack look like this???? Proud to do my very small part in helping the environment, sometimes I think it's not much but I always say it is better than nothing. You gotta take steps in life as you do in your art, keep pushing because You are making a difference and when you least expect it, you're inspiring someone who's been silently watching you all along.

Through all of this, no matter how busy you are, you must take care of that machine of yours. You've been eating better, you've been trying to get your rest, you're taking care of your community and surroundings...now you must make sure your body keeps going. While everyone was sick in the cast of "When Stars Align" I missed this virus mostly because I was juice cleansing during the time and flushing out toxins as well as gyming it out and I kissed my very sick partner. Now, I felt a bit off for 3 days because this bug was nasty but because I had treated my body with care, it fought to make sure I didn't feel it like everyone else. I knew I was feeling something when I slept for 10 hours for 3 nights in a row with family in town...that just doesn't happen but my body fought it out and I won with just dealing with slight fatigue and lots of sleep. Yoga with my sauna time - check, water zumba - checkie, still stretching at home - double check and adding weights to my legs and arms for regular zumba class - checksies!!! Mental stress is no joke and just trying to chill after the day isn't always the answer, push your body to release all that negativity, stress and unwanted baggage you've been carrying around. Simply exercising will release your mind to stay focused and alert, I won't let this part of the routine slide because doing 3 plays back to back with no understudy requires me to be at optimal performance level. Just walking around your neighborhood or trails will help align you to your now being, leave the phone in the car unless it may be for music but try to unplug, even just for an hour and see how you feel after. Now you're ready to tackle on this business and fight back with all your might, you were meant for this challenge, don't let "realistic views" sway you from changing this industry, it takes us all in our unique glory to shift what is normal...lets get all of us who don't quite fit in, the chance to make a difference. PUSH ON and see you soon!

The Glamorous Life of Auditions - Day 36

Boy oh boy did I screw up on this audition! I received the notice 2 days ago, the role was noted as M.U., which is what I had submitted for but had failed to fully understand the notes stating that the read for Henderson had now been switched from a male to female and to read for that. I had looked at it as a note for others because my role stated M.U. - ha! 4 pages, 2 monologues later and 2 days later, I went to Lifebook and under Allen's watchful eye, I tweaked my character since I felt I wasn't being true to what they requested. They wanted the read 2 ways but "Tough"...I like tough but I find it to be one note and I usually don't like that character because of the trying of being "tough...the whole time." A couple of times on stage with scene 1 and I was still not grasping her in that choice and she was due at 5p - urghhhhhh, although in scene 2 I nailed her, but I had done her the way I felt she was suppose to be. I stayed after with another student who graciously ran lines with me until I felt I had 2 choices and felt connected to both and another student Case whom shot the scene for my video submission. During this process I could feel the pressure in the room...to be perfect...to be better than...to just have it. No matter where you are, who you are or what you do (i.e. help with instruction) - you still will struggle with choices and characters eventually. You don't have all the answers all the time and there will be times you just downright struggle to get who you think this person should be and although I knew that I'd be faced with expectations I also realized I needed help more from someone else who would force me to see my flaws with my choices. I've learned never to look at my instructor as just someone who critiques my work...you as an artist will get to a place and think you have arrived at all that is acting then note to self that you just don't need critiques anymore. THIS PLACE IS DANGEROUS! You are never above instruction and when you get there you will plateau, you will not challenge yourself nor your choices and you will no longer grow. By all means if you think you've got it, go right on with your bad self - nothing wrong with knowing your type and just doing that, but for me - I want to pursue different character choices so I may have a wide range in my body of work so I look at my coach as a director. He sees it in a way that I may have instinctually pushed but not hard enough so he wants that choice to be clear but I'm uncomfortable or just don't feel it's within the realm of me. The problem of not trying to do that, to push further is you start to restrict your view of your choice...why not try it? As ridiculous as it may seem/sound, why not try and see if that opens another viewpoint and then you can marry the ideas or have a another choice in your back pocket or just try to do the damn thing because someone else sees it that way. Would you question Spielberg? Scorscese? Sodenberg???? Or would you try to work it out to see if you can give them what they want...now look at your coach that way...see him as a director with an opinion and you're on set and gotta do what he wants for at least one take to make him happy. Will you argue it out or will you at least try to figure it out on how to make it work? See there...it's different now, you don't take your instructor as someone who is critiquing you to just critique you but someone trying to get their vision across and hopefully with your collaboration. Now some teachers/coaches are crazy and egotistical, but if you know you're in the right place but feel vulnerable because of critiques or pushes, I challenge you to open yourself up to that. It's difficult being someone putting your heart up on stage for others to rip apart (as it feels...which isn't necessarily true) but as an artist you must try to discover all truths within your grasp of the character and in order to do so you must remain open to the possibilities that you may be unclear. It's okay to be off in class, it's okay to fail and fail miserably...that's where you go to do it in a safe environment so that you can go out into the world with strong, sure choices that make your character shine but you will never know by not allowing yourself to fall flat on your face. I'm glad I struggled with the character in class, I wanted everyone to see that I'm not perfect...I work at it as well but I'm willing to not look so good up on stage in order to get her right. Thank goodness for Lifebook being a place where you can come in with auditions to work as well as your scenes and to do it in front of class where there are usually more people than in the audition room, it makes for an ease when you arrive in the room with just the cd/director or prepared for a roomful of people. I got my scene in on time (barely) and realized I had read for the lead instead...I thought about trying to send in the other role but then thought no need. I gave them 2 choices, one tough for the choice of the other role and one with my choice for the lead if I get callback for it!!!! Not going to stress over it, it's not worth it...and I like that I read for the lead =), sometimes it just happens and you take it...roll with it and don't look back.

Treated my filmer to a cheesecake from Aroma which he devoured and myself to a vegan, gluten free raspberry cuppy cake for putting myself out there to struggle, to not be perfect. Cheers to not being sure all the time but doing something about it so you can be!

And with that, gotta callback tonight on the other taped audition earlier this week with the 2 choices from opposite ends of the spectrum - it worked...having my teacher tweak my choices only made my scene better. Sometimes it's a tweak and sometimes it's an overhaul but you've got to find the truth and you're the only one who is able so don't shurk on your responsibilities as an artist to explore that. Then you know the character and can fight a bit on set as to why your choices are the way they are with the help of the director's vision collaborating together or work with a director who only sees it as their vision but you'll be able to deal with that as well. Preparation is always key and if you only have your sight without being open, you may miss the big picture in the long run. Fight for who your character is at an audition but be open to change when you hit the set to give to the bigger vision of it all.

Had to have fun and bowl away at one of my favorite gal's Born Day Party! Always enjoy the wonderment of life...play a few video games (another high score at the Family Arcade on Vermont)  and enjoy the company of kiddies & animals. They'll remind you of pure love and all that is good/funny in the world and what can be important. Kids/Animals can be therapy, don't push it away, enjoy the moment of giggles and kisses, it may be just what you need to inspire you back into work with focus.

Yes, I'm still eating well (and at home) and giving my body the best in these 5-6 days of vegan eating and I'm going to keep saying that you don't have to miss out on your favorites just because. Someone say hot dogs - Field Roast is my new favorite because it is the closest to the real deal with a form of texture I can deal with. Boil 'em, fry 'em up, it's your choice but they are pretty delicious once you get all the fixins heaped up on them and boy do I not mess around. Veggie quesidillas with Follow Your Heart Cheese because I can't stand the smell of Daiya for some reason...nut cheeses with pretzels you say - don't mind if I do!!! Or gluten free/vegan mac n' cheese, with Gardein chix nuggets and home made vegan buffalo sauce...I'm getting hungry again but what's new!

You do have to change your original thought about what you think these should taste like in some ways, but for the most part, vegan food has come a long way baby so enjoy the plethera of choices out there. Enjoy and try it all - Just like your art! YUMMY!!!

The Glamorous Life of Auditions - Day 35

In this past month, one of the oldest students at our Lifebook Community passed away. She was in her mid 80's and had come into acting after living a very full life of taking care of her family and working oh so many jobs. She was a Telex operator with the Atomic Energy Commission in Nevada, a magazine publisher and short-story writer in Mexico, a router for international merchant ships, a coordinator for Interpreter Services in the Superior Court, then worked as an Interpreter while she studied law at night and then put out her shingle as a general services attorney for five years until she decided to specialize in criminal defense, which she did until she retired from "regular" jobs. She then started doing what she enjoyed doing so much - she became a part of the world of creative artists she so loved, and went on to perform herself and support fellow performers for the rest of her life - by Sharon Spence. What I still remember and hold dear to my soul, is the way she said hello to me the first day of walking into the Thursday Night Advanced Class of Lifebook. I didn't know anyone and I was so nervous and out of place - I've always felt judged and have always felt awkward/overwhelmed in newness but the way she said hello was so kind, open and honest I knew I loved her right away. I was lucky to have amazing improv scenes with her and she was a fearless creature in her years...I was ever so inspired by this woman who had never acted and decided in her later years to pursue it, it was a marvelous spectacle to behold. to watch her struggle with lines and character and still that did not deter this fabulous creative being, she kept right on creating and trying and doing and being. She remained unmoved in her determination to find her art and I will forever be in awe of her. So you must understand when I hear "I'm too old," "I'm too weird," "I'm too different" that I hear, I'm too scared to try and stick to it. If this is beating in your heart and you know that you know that you would do this for free if you could, then you must grab it tightly and never let go. I saw her fight with all her demons on that stage and I doubt she ever knew how truly amazing she was but she changed my outlook on how I see this business just by her showing up every week and just being. I will never forget you Phoebe, I will never forget your simple hello when everyone walked past me, I will forever cherish the inspiration that you are and every win I have, I will acknowledge your beautiful spirit of preserving...I have no excuse and I accept the challenge you have laid at my feet ever so quietly. I will not go unnoticed, I will ROAR and I will CLAW my way forward - thank you for the lifelong inspiration you have set for me and our Lifebook Community!!! I see you my dear....and I raise you one!

28 days (including Sat/Sun) with not a single audition (until today)...ARGHHHHHH!!! How can this even be???? This business is tough and chances are slim but you must make it through the drought in order to receive the rain! If you're not allowing your art to flourish somehow during the tight times, it will be unprepared to shine when most needed, so don't just point fingers or cry or go into depression or quit. Now is the time to figure out what else may hold your attention during the slow times. What can you do as an artist to remain at tip top creative shape and still be in the business you love...you've got choices, it's just up to you to step into them. I decided to clip together some of the audition, since I had to give them 2 choices, have fun with one and one of my monologues I built by taking 2 lines from a monologue in a book and creating from there that I did a few years ago but still have tucked away for rainy occasions when I feel a casting office may be open to that much heart. I included my ridiculous intro because when people usually view my dramatic scenes, they feel that I'm that way all the time and not realize I'm usually off and silly because I'm really a happy person. Yes, I've been through the ringer but I survived and I'm a better person for it with a well of emotions to go to when needed. Those swallowing dark times, those feelings of loss, those stretches of uncertainty is what makes you who you are, how you handle that, how you decide to change it by hanging in and fighting it every step of the way is what makes you shine...let no one dull your shine! That monologue created was to celebrate those moments of despair but to meet it with strength, so glad I'm finally at the place I can film it and give in a wider range. I took 1/2 each of the 2 scenes I taped since it's an audition for a show, but wanted to just show how much fun you can have with choices - enjoy the process guys, that's what we've got for now. (The monologue has some explicit language along with some imagery, please no kiddos in the room while watching it!!!)

No options you say??? Keep an open mind, this is a huge business filled with different jobs that may push you to a different appreciation for what goes in to make a film/project. Don't limit yourself here to the norm of you being the star, take a backseat and see what opens up for you and in this process you may learn something more about yourself, your art and how to treat others not in the limelight.

PA's (production assistants) are usually needed on sets to gopher around for odds and ends (yes, like get coffee for the crew and grab actors/actresses...then there is the wrangling of extras. It's a thankless kind of job with crappy pay for the most part but you're on set, you get to understand some of the behind the scene workings and you learn how much work is involved to make a production happen as well as seeing things most people will never get a chance to know, much less see. This also leads into finding out about other openings in other positions like transportation dept./set design etc so understand this can be a gateway to another job that you may have interest in or are passionate about. You also begin to realize all the different components in making a film and may start to appreciate all willing to give their time to make it happen. 

Interning which may not pay but to learn the behind the scenes of casting or an agency office is invaluable. You will see actors coming in reading the same thing the same way and will realize why someone may stand out more than the rest. You will take notice of the headshots that are interesting to the agent and the ones that get tossed. You will see casting fight for an actor they know is the best and more deserving only to be shut down by the producers/director in the room that liked the look of someone else better for some ridiculous reason. You will learn from agents that not all actors are appreciative of an opportunity to audition because it may be too much work and they have a commercial audition that evening instead. You'd be surprised to find out what the other side of the table has to deal with but through this, your eyes may open to a different passion, maybe you'd rather help cast or become an agent and find those actors that shine or fight for the ones you truly believe in even when your hands seemed tied, but you will never know until you step out of your way. You will become a better artist seeing this however, you will learn from other's mistakes and you will learn to handle the room better and be more prepared.

 Creating your own content. This can be as expensive as you make it but sometimes you must wait for your work because you want it on the right platform (i.e. "JANE" - my passion project that was a 8 year old idea, turned into a 12 episode web series, had enough to only to shoot one episode, making that episode into a short to submit to film festivals and see what kind of responses I may get...while all this is taking place - slowly turning it into a film as well because you never know what type of format may become available. - https://youtu.be/GJCNC5ZN_Zc and https://youtu.be/dJIilHRCHjA) You learn through this process because you get to make what you want, be the star in your own show and ultimately do something you see no one else giving you the opportunity to portray. This was my first time into the writing process but I had help from the very talented writer Stephanie that I had worked with years ago on her project to help shape some of my ideas. Now I'm focusing on the feature which I will ask another wonderful writer to tweak as I'm involved with one of her projects as well. You can also team up with other students in your class and get into a 48 hour film project  (big shout out to Courtney who does these all the time - I see you woman) or just build your content using the resources you have from the pool you know. If you're in class, someone has a camera and sound equipment, someone is wanting to direct and someone has the space. Before you know it, you're doing your own stuff...it may not come out as well as you hoped but you can say you created that, or it may come out way better and now you can submit it, shop it around or put it up on your youtube channel but you are now taking the control that you can over your career. You'd be surprised what kind of ideas you have floating up in that creative noggin of yours! This is what you do, don't dally on your art, understand it's your time and we have resources now that wasn't available 10 years ago. Go...Do...Now!!!

 Theatre work if you look into it. Yes, L.A. does do theatre and although most don't pay that well, if you get into a decent production, it can boost your chances of being seen, having something else to talk about, get Equity eligibility and another credit to boost your resume up. I've also seen theatre pay up to 1,500 a week for equity members in a huge production, pennies compared to Film/TV but it's enough for most of us non working actors to take care of our bills and live all the while doing something we love...act. I've heard a lot of actors say they don't like theatre...I believe it's because they don't realize the training and passion behind theatre. You can go up on a line and you are out there in front of 100's of people and it is scary, but you also learn that the performance is different every night, audiences laugh at different times and you become grounded into knowing who your character is because you have worked tirelessly to make it happen. There is a wardrobe dept, a stage manager etc with openings around if you don't feel like acting is for you, but as an artist that acts, you must know that theatre is training and a part of acting. Most of the greats were theatre actors and still are, don't push it aside just because you're actually scared to do it, it will change your love for the art! Find good productions and be a part of them, you don't have to pay if you don't want to be a part of a theatre troupe but you can audition and just maybe be a part of a show I can get to, so I too may be inspired by your work!

Stand-in work can happen if you match height/weight/other features of the lead actor/actress in the film and can teach you to watch other actors work, hit a mark, get some line reading in and get to know cast/crew. Years ago I did this and boy was it an eye opening experience, I worked on a T.V. show (which I will never do again unless it's just to fill in here and there) for a working actress that seemed to have a problem with every stand in she had including me. She was accomplished, working and I thought beautiful but her attitude towards me made her art diminish in my eyes, to this day I can't watch her without cringing and I use to think she was exactly what I wanted to portray. Luckily I had been on top of it about what she did in rehearsals to the point that I would tell the DP not to light that area because she never went there. I would reshow him her steps, how she tilted her head, if she used her hands etc and after awhile, with me saving him time and energy, he trusted me and I'm sure he was the reason I kept my job for over a year. She rarely said hello to me more less look at me, although the other lead was super kind all the time - this is when I learned that most super stars (ones that work often enough) are really generous, it's the other actors that through their journey felt they hadn't received their due that seemed bitter and ego-manical. Sometimes the guest star would want to run lines with me, my actress always figured out when or where and made sure to walk by me to eyeball me. A few times if the director/crew wanted to run the scene quickly and my actress would be in wardrobe or makeup, they'd ask me to run it to save some time on adjustments and who would come rushing in with wardrobe/makeup trailing behind still trying to fix her and step over whatever lines I was reading to make sure she was seen. Ridiculous, yes...but I learned it was through her insecurities that she could never be the star she was meant to be. She had plenty stand-in's fired but I stuck around because I knew how to pay attention to detail, eventually when the new season came back I wasn't called in again (thank goodness - she was stealing my soul) by seeing a posting for work as her stand in on the breakdowns which I had a good chuckle about. She always seemed so angry, competitive and annoyed...I get your journey was difficult, you've had missed opportunities and you may even be jealous, but as a woman - a ethnic woman you must realize we've all had our own valleys regardless of how we may look to get to where we're trying to be and to push your ugliness on someone who doesn't even think she's in the same sphere as you can hurt another artist deeply. I always carry that behavior I received with me in my heart...I make sure never to treat my stand in or someone that seems to not have a title on set or extras or anyone any less than how I would like to be treated. I learned from this bitter woman, that this business will turn you into an ugly soul if you allow it...don't let it even tickle your mind. Who you see while you're up are the ones you see on your way down so make sure its a beautiful memory everyone will always cherish of you. Yes, there will always be those that could care less for anything except themselves, but you don't have to be that person...you can choose better for yourself and those around you, be the one who sets the tone or changes the tone for that matter on set. The work of being a stand-in can be thankless but I've heard some stand-ins keep their jobs with their actors from one film set to TV show to commercials, have been given lines when it's open and I met Will Smith at a Diversity Showcase because he came to support his stand in who was in it. Beautiful, when artists realize there is enough sun to shine for all of us and we are not in competition with each other but can help our group of friends be inspired and keep at it by just being people that understand we can all make it together. I was an alternate for this last production - "When Stars Align" and met this beautiful soul, Allison whom I shared the role Rose with. This New York Actress showed me so much love that it reminded me that we are all in this together. When I didn't make a rehearsal, she showed me all the new steps, she made it to my 3 rehearsals I was given to figure out the part and made it to my 2 guaranteed performances as well as helping me with my quick changes, she was there for me...the lead, helping her alternate do her work - so much heart! Had to go to the Wrap Party of  the show just to show my support back for all the love I received. Dark skin, light skin, white, tan, exotic, character, beautiful whatever - WE ARE ALL UNIQUE and deserving. Once you get to where it is you've dreamed of, make sure you turn around for those trying to follow in your footsteps...you can even do this now if you choose no matter what job you're doing.

Serving seems to be an actor's cliche in this business but it is actually something I love to do. New people, regulars, flexible schedule and good food - I never serve at a place where I don't believe in the food or their mission. I stopped working corporate restaurants awhile ago and I'm happy to be at mom & pop joints that help the community with great food. This job is tough because you do rely on tips and most people who have never worked a day at a restaurant have no clue as to what goes in to make it all function and those are your customers. People who feel that you should get a regular job if you need money not even taking into consideration that you may need the flexibility to pursue a dream they have long given up on or could care less about because you in fact have chosen that path. Don't despair in this...you as a server can and will survive, and this job teaches you humility like nobody's business plus you can work on your character work by just dealing with folks. However, I find that most people understand the serving role and they actually appreciate it, they're the ones that make it all worthwhile. I just got a job starting in a few weeks because I was without one for almost a year...and needless to say, I'm excited to make the extra money and work for something I truly believe in.

This past month with no auditions until today, I decided to give back as much as possible in my own way. I told some actors I know and have worked with before about my management looking for new talent, some took advantage and sent their stuff and some didn't but I found out about 11 people from my list got signed for at least a trail period along with another actress I was able to refer her to my agent, then did a quick check in for her and found out she got signed as well. Love giving something back, there is enough for every single one of us - the road is different and for some of us tougher and unfair at times, but if you are truly on point with as much of this art as you can be, NO ONE will be able to deny you forever but you must push back this tide like nobody's business, it may look like a loosing battle but looks can be deceiving. I decided to make my own, organic, vegan Korean kimchee coleslaw/cucumbers for guest that came to see my shows and neighbors along with other artists I was able to perform with. It's not much but it's what I can do to help someone out in their journey or to just let someone else know that I appreciate them for their time, energy and effort. We don't thank people around us enough for what they do, but without them, we may fall into the dark so with whatever little you may have, you can always think of a way to give back to your "community" of support!

This month has been difficult with enough Born Day/Anniversary Celebrations...I have eaten bad, but as I do so, I also listen to my body. I may eat donuts at a festival, do Korean BBQ to celebrate, followed by more BBQ and more desserts at parties but I also know when my body says hey, I can't take any more sugar...let's not get a burger and do seafood instead at a BBQ joint. I've learned to pay attention to what my body needs, not what I think my body wants all the time regardless of feeling as if it's more expensive or less filling. I make up for it by cooking my meals for the next few weeks without going out...I've learned to treat myself at home. It's work but my body functions at it's best when I'm looking out for it. Did someone say Water Zumba??? Yes, please and I'll take an eggplant sandwich with cucumbers on the side as well as my kale/with added beet greens, sweet potatoes, black beans with red wine vinegar, quinoa, yellow/orange peppers, onions, garlic, sea salt and homemade vegan, buffalo sauce with organic Eppa Sangria to wash that down. Let the next audition come - I'm ready!!!