The Glamorous Life of Auditions - Day 35

In this past month, one of the oldest students at our Lifebook Community passed away. She was in her mid 80's and had come into acting after living a very full life of taking care of her family and working oh so many jobs. She was a Telex operator with the Atomic Energy Commission in Nevada, a magazine publisher and short-story writer in Mexico, a router for international merchant ships, a coordinator for Interpreter Services in the Superior Court, then worked as an Interpreter while she studied law at night and then put out her shingle as a general services attorney for five years until she decided to specialize in criminal defense, which she did until she retired from "regular" jobs. She then started doing what she enjoyed doing so much - she became a part of the world of creative artists she so loved, and went on to perform herself and support fellow performers for the rest of her life - by Sharon Spence. What I still remember and hold dear to my soul, is the way she said hello to me the first day of walking into the Thursday Night Advanced Class of Lifebook. I didn't know anyone and I was so nervous and out of place - I've always felt judged and have always felt awkward/overwhelmed in newness but the way she said hello was so kind, open and honest I knew I loved her right away. I was lucky to have amazing improv scenes with her and she was a fearless creature in her years...I was ever so inspired by this woman who had never acted and decided in her later years to pursue it, it was a marvelous spectacle to behold. to watch her struggle with lines and character and still that did not deter this fabulous creative being, she kept right on creating and trying and doing and being. She remained unmoved in her determination to find her art and I will forever be in awe of her. So you must understand when I hear "I'm too old," "I'm too weird," "I'm too different" that I hear, I'm too scared to try and stick to it. If this is beating in your heart and you know that you know that you would do this for free if you could, then you must grab it tightly and never let go. I saw her fight with all her demons on that stage and I doubt she ever knew how truly amazing she was but she changed my outlook on how I see this business just by her showing up every week and just being. I will never forget you Phoebe, I will never forget your simple hello when everyone walked past me, I will forever cherish the inspiration that you are and every win I have, I will acknowledge your beautiful spirit of preserving...I have no excuse and I accept the challenge you have laid at my feet ever so quietly. I will not go unnoticed, I will ROAR and I will CLAW my way forward - thank you for the lifelong inspiration you have set for me and our Lifebook Community!!! I see you my dear....and I raise you one!

28 days (including Sat/Sun) with not a single audition (until today)...ARGHHHHHH!!! How can this even be???? This business is tough and chances are slim but you must make it through the drought in order to receive the rain! If you're not allowing your art to flourish somehow during the tight times, it will be unprepared to shine when most needed, so don't just point fingers or cry or go into depression or quit. Now is the time to figure out what else may hold your attention during the slow times. What can you do as an artist to remain at tip top creative shape and still be in the business you love...you've got choices, it's just up to you to step into them. I decided to clip together some of the audition, since I had to give them 2 choices, have fun with one and one of my monologues I built by taking 2 lines from a monologue in a book and creating from there that I did a few years ago but still have tucked away for rainy occasions when I feel a casting office may be open to that much heart. I included my ridiculous intro because when people usually view my dramatic scenes, they feel that I'm that way all the time and not realize I'm usually off and silly because I'm really a happy person. Yes, I've been through the ringer but I survived and I'm a better person for it with a well of emotions to go to when needed. Those swallowing dark times, those feelings of loss, those stretches of uncertainty is what makes you who you are, how you handle that, how you decide to change it by hanging in and fighting it every step of the way is what makes you shine...let no one dull your shine! That monologue created was to celebrate those moments of despair but to meet it with strength, so glad I'm finally at the place I can film it and give in a wider range. I took 1/2 each of the 2 scenes I taped since it's an audition for a show, but wanted to just show how much fun you can have with choices - enjoy the process guys, that's what we've got for now. (The monologue has some explicit language along with some imagery, please no kiddos in the room while watching it!!!)

No options you say??? Keep an open mind, this is a huge business filled with different jobs that may push you to a different appreciation for what goes in to make a film/project. Don't limit yourself here to the norm of you being the star, take a backseat and see what opens up for you and in this process you may learn something more about yourself, your art and how to treat others not in the limelight.

PA's (production assistants) are usually needed on sets to gopher around for odds and ends (yes, like get coffee for the crew and grab actors/actresses...then there is the wrangling of extras. It's a thankless kind of job with crappy pay for the most part but you're on set, you get to understand some of the behind the scene workings and you learn how much work is involved to make a production happen as well as seeing things most people will never get a chance to know, much less see. This also leads into finding out about other openings in other positions like transportation dept./set design etc so understand this can be a gateway to another job that you may have interest in or are passionate about. You also begin to realize all the different components in making a film and may start to appreciate all willing to give their time to make it happen. 

Interning which may not pay but to learn the behind the scenes of casting or an agency office is invaluable. You will see actors coming in reading the same thing the same way and will realize why someone may stand out more than the rest. You will take notice of the headshots that are interesting to the agent and the ones that get tossed. You will see casting fight for an actor they know is the best and more deserving only to be shut down by the producers/director in the room that liked the look of someone else better for some ridiculous reason. You will learn from agents that not all actors are appreciative of an opportunity to audition because it may be too much work and they have a commercial audition that evening instead. You'd be surprised to find out what the other side of the table has to deal with but through this, your eyes may open to a different passion, maybe you'd rather help cast or become an agent and find those actors that shine or fight for the ones you truly believe in even when your hands seemed tied, but you will never know until you step out of your way. You will become a better artist seeing this however, you will learn from other's mistakes and you will learn to handle the room better and be more prepared.

 Creating your own content. This can be as expensive as you make it but sometimes you must wait for your work because you want it on the right platform (i.e. "JANE" - my passion project that was a 8 year old idea, turned into a 12 episode web series, had enough to only to shoot one episode, making that episode into a short to submit to film festivals and see what kind of responses I may get...while all this is taking place - slowly turning it into a film as well because you never know what type of format may become available. - https://youtu.be/GJCNC5ZN_Zc and https://youtu.be/dJIilHRCHjA) You learn through this process because you get to make what you want, be the star in your own show and ultimately do something you see no one else giving you the opportunity to portray. This was my first time into the writing process but I had help from the very talented writer Stephanie that I had worked with years ago on her project to help shape some of my ideas. Now I'm focusing on the feature which I will ask another wonderful writer to tweak as I'm involved with one of her projects as well. You can also team up with other students in your class and get into a 48 hour film project  (big shout out to Courtney who does these all the time - I see you woman) or just build your content using the resources you have from the pool you know. If you're in class, someone has a camera and sound equipment, someone is wanting to direct and someone has the space. Before you know it, you're doing your own stuff...it may not come out as well as you hoped but you can say you created that, or it may come out way better and now you can submit it, shop it around or put it up on your youtube channel but you are now taking the control that you can over your career. You'd be surprised what kind of ideas you have floating up in that creative noggin of yours! This is what you do, don't dally on your art, understand it's your time and we have resources now that wasn't available 10 years ago. Go...Do...Now!!!

 Theatre work if you look into it. Yes, L.A. does do theatre and although most don't pay that well, if you get into a decent production, it can boost your chances of being seen, having something else to talk about, get Equity eligibility and another credit to boost your resume up. I've also seen theatre pay up to 1,500 a week for equity members in a huge production, pennies compared to Film/TV but it's enough for most of us non working actors to take care of our bills and live all the while doing something we love...act. I've heard a lot of actors say they don't like theatre...I believe it's because they don't realize the training and passion behind theatre. You can go up on a line and you are out there in front of 100's of people and it is scary, but you also learn that the performance is different every night, audiences laugh at different times and you become grounded into knowing who your character is because you have worked tirelessly to make it happen. There is a wardrobe dept, a stage manager etc with openings around if you don't feel like acting is for you, but as an artist that acts, you must know that theatre is training and a part of acting. Most of the greats were theatre actors and still are, don't push it aside just because you're actually scared to do it, it will change your love for the art! Find good productions and be a part of them, you don't have to pay if you don't want to be a part of a theatre troupe but you can audition and just maybe be a part of a show I can get to, so I too may be inspired by your work!

Stand-in work can happen if you match height/weight/other features of the lead actor/actress in the film and can teach you to watch other actors work, hit a mark, get some line reading in and get to know cast/crew. Years ago I did this and boy was it an eye opening experience, I worked on a T.V. show (which I will never do again unless it's just to fill in here and there) for a working actress that seemed to have a problem with every stand in she had including me. She was accomplished, working and I thought beautiful but her attitude towards me made her art diminish in my eyes, to this day I can't watch her without cringing and I use to think she was exactly what I wanted to portray. Luckily I had been on top of it about what she did in rehearsals to the point that I would tell the DP not to light that area because she never went there. I would reshow him her steps, how she tilted her head, if she used her hands etc and after awhile, with me saving him time and energy, he trusted me and I'm sure he was the reason I kept my job for over a year. She rarely said hello to me more less look at me, although the other lead was super kind all the time - this is when I learned that most super stars (ones that work often enough) are really generous, it's the other actors that through their journey felt they hadn't received their due that seemed bitter and ego-manical. Sometimes the guest star would want to run lines with me, my actress always figured out when or where and made sure to walk by me to eyeball me. A few times if the director/crew wanted to run the scene quickly and my actress would be in wardrobe or makeup, they'd ask me to run it to save some time on adjustments and who would come rushing in with wardrobe/makeup trailing behind still trying to fix her and step over whatever lines I was reading to make sure she was seen. Ridiculous, yes...but I learned it was through her insecurities that she could never be the star she was meant to be. She had plenty stand-in's fired but I stuck around because I knew how to pay attention to detail, eventually when the new season came back I wasn't called in again (thank goodness - she was stealing my soul) by seeing a posting for work as her stand in on the breakdowns which I had a good chuckle about. She always seemed so angry, competitive and annoyed...I get your journey was difficult, you've had missed opportunities and you may even be jealous, but as a woman - a ethnic woman you must realize we've all had our own valleys regardless of how we may look to get to where we're trying to be and to push your ugliness on someone who doesn't even think she's in the same sphere as you can hurt another artist deeply. I always carry that behavior I received with me in my heart...I make sure never to treat my stand in or someone that seems to not have a title on set or extras or anyone any less than how I would like to be treated. I learned from this bitter woman, that this business will turn you into an ugly soul if you allow it...don't let it even tickle your mind. Who you see while you're up are the ones you see on your way down so make sure its a beautiful memory everyone will always cherish of you. Yes, there will always be those that could care less for anything except themselves, but you don't have to be that person...you can choose better for yourself and those around you, be the one who sets the tone or changes the tone for that matter on set. The work of being a stand-in can be thankless but I've heard some stand-ins keep their jobs with their actors from one film set to TV show to commercials, have been given lines when it's open and I met Will Smith at a Diversity Showcase because he came to support his stand in who was in it. Beautiful, when artists realize there is enough sun to shine for all of us and we are not in competition with each other but can help our group of friends be inspired and keep at it by just being people that understand we can all make it together. I was an alternate for this last production - "When Stars Align" and met this beautiful soul, Allison whom I shared the role Rose with. This New York Actress showed me so much love that it reminded me that we are all in this together. When I didn't make a rehearsal, she showed me all the new steps, she made it to my 3 rehearsals I was given to figure out the part and made it to my 2 guaranteed performances as well as helping me with my quick changes, she was there for me...the lead, helping her alternate do her work - so much heart! Had to go to the Wrap Party of  the show just to show my support back for all the love I received. Dark skin, light skin, white, tan, exotic, character, beautiful whatever - WE ARE ALL UNIQUE and deserving. Once you get to where it is you've dreamed of, make sure you turn around for those trying to follow in your footsteps...you can even do this now if you choose no matter what job you're doing.

Serving seems to be an actor's cliche in this business but it is actually something I love to do. New people, regulars, flexible schedule and good food - I never serve at a place where I don't believe in the food or their mission. I stopped working corporate restaurants awhile ago and I'm happy to be at mom & pop joints that help the community with great food. This job is tough because you do rely on tips and most people who have never worked a day at a restaurant have no clue as to what goes in to make it all function and those are your customers. People who feel that you should get a regular job if you need money not even taking into consideration that you may need the flexibility to pursue a dream they have long given up on or could care less about because you in fact have chosen that path. Don't despair in this...you as a server can and will survive, and this job teaches you humility like nobody's business plus you can work on your character work by just dealing with folks. However, I find that most people understand the serving role and they actually appreciate it, they're the ones that make it all worthwhile. I just got a job starting in a few weeks because I was without one for almost a year...and needless to say, I'm excited to make the extra money and work for something I truly believe in.

This past month with no auditions until today, I decided to give back as much as possible in my own way. I told some actors I know and have worked with before about my management looking for new talent, some took advantage and sent their stuff and some didn't but I found out about 11 people from my list got signed for at least a trail period along with another actress I was able to refer her to my agent, then did a quick check in for her and found out she got signed as well. Love giving something back, there is enough for every single one of us - the road is different and for some of us tougher and unfair at times, but if you are truly on point with as much of this art as you can be, NO ONE will be able to deny you forever but you must push back this tide like nobody's business, it may look like a loosing battle but looks can be deceiving. I decided to make my own, organic, vegan Korean kimchee coleslaw/cucumbers for guest that came to see my shows and neighbors along with other artists I was able to perform with. It's not much but it's what I can do to help someone out in their journey or to just let someone else know that I appreciate them for their time, energy and effort. We don't thank people around us enough for what they do, but without them, we may fall into the dark so with whatever little you may have, you can always think of a way to give back to your "community" of support!

This month has been difficult with enough Born Day/Anniversary Celebrations...I have eaten bad, but as I do so, I also listen to my body. I may eat donuts at a festival, do Korean BBQ to celebrate, followed by more BBQ and more desserts at parties but I also know when my body says hey, I can't take any more sugar...let's not get a burger and do seafood instead at a BBQ joint. I've learned to pay attention to what my body needs, not what I think my body wants all the time regardless of feeling as if it's more expensive or less filling. I make up for it by cooking my meals for the next few weeks without going out...I've learned to treat myself at home. It's work but my body functions at it's best when I'm looking out for it. Did someone say Water Zumba??? Yes, please and I'll take an eggplant sandwich with cucumbers on the side as well as my kale/with added beet greens, sweet potatoes, black beans with red wine vinegar, quinoa, yellow/orange peppers, onions, garlic, sea salt and homemade vegan, buffalo sauce with organic Eppa Sangria to wash that down. Let the next audition come - I'm ready!!!