The Glamorous Life of Auditions - Day 36

Boy oh boy did I screw up on this audition! I received the notice 2 days ago, the role was noted as M.U., which is what I had submitted for but had failed to fully understand the notes stating that the read for Henderson had now been switched from a male to female and to read for that. I had looked at it as a note for others because my role stated M.U. - ha! 4 pages, 2 monologues later and 2 days later, I went to Lifebook and under Allen's watchful eye, I tweaked my character since I felt I wasn't being true to what they requested. They wanted the read 2 ways but "Tough"...I like tough but I find it to be one note and I usually don't like that character because of the trying of being "tough...the whole time." A couple of times on stage with scene 1 and I was still not grasping her in that choice and she was due at 5p - urghhhhhh, although in scene 2 I nailed her, but I had done her the way I felt she was suppose to be. I stayed after with another student who graciously ran lines with me until I felt I had 2 choices and felt connected to both and another student Case whom shot the scene for my video submission. During this process I could feel the pressure in the room...to be perfect...to be better than...to just have it. No matter where you are, who you are or what you do (i.e. help with instruction) - you still will struggle with choices and characters eventually. You don't have all the answers all the time and there will be times you just downright struggle to get who you think this person should be and although I knew that I'd be faced with expectations I also realized I needed help more from someone else who would force me to see my flaws with my choices. I've learned never to look at my instructor as just someone who critiques my work...you as an artist will get to a place and think you have arrived at all that is acting then note to self that you just don't need critiques anymore. THIS PLACE IS DANGEROUS! You are never above instruction and when you get there you will plateau, you will not challenge yourself nor your choices and you will no longer grow. By all means if you think you've got it, go right on with your bad self - nothing wrong with knowing your type and just doing that, but for me - I want to pursue different character choices so I may have a wide range in my body of work so I look at my coach as a director. He sees it in a way that I may have instinctually pushed but not hard enough so he wants that choice to be clear but I'm uncomfortable or just don't feel it's within the realm of me. The problem of not trying to do that, to push further is you start to restrict your view of your choice...why not try it? As ridiculous as it may seem/sound, why not try and see if that opens another viewpoint and then you can marry the ideas or have a another choice in your back pocket or just try to do the damn thing because someone else sees it that way. Would you question Spielberg? Scorscese? Sodenberg???? Or would you try to work it out to see if you can give them what they want...now look at your coach that way...see him as a director with an opinion and you're on set and gotta do what he wants for at least one take to make him happy. Will you argue it out or will you at least try to figure it out on how to make it work? See there...it's different now, you don't take your instructor as someone who is critiquing you to just critique you but someone trying to get their vision across and hopefully with your collaboration. Now some teachers/coaches are crazy and egotistical, but if you know you're in the right place but feel vulnerable because of critiques or pushes, I challenge you to open yourself up to that. It's difficult being someone putting your heart up on stage for others to rip apart (as it feels...which isn't necessarily true) but as an artist you must try to discover all truths within your grasp of the character and in order to do so you must remain open to the possibilities that you may be unclear. It's okay to be off in class, it's okay to fail and fail miserably...that's where you go to do it in a safe environment so that you can go out into the world with strong, sure choices that make your character shine but you will never know by not allowing yourself to fall flat on your face. I'm glad I struggled with the character in class, I wanted everyone to see that I'm not perfect...I work at it as well but I'm willing to not look so good up on stage in order to get her right. Thank goodness for Lifebook being a place where you can come in with auditions to work as well as your scenes and to do it in front of class where there are usually more people than in the audition room, it makes for an ease when you arrive in the room with just the cd/director or prepared for a roomful of people. I got my scene in on time (barely) and realized I had read for the lead instead...I thought about trying to send in the other role but then thought no need. I gave them 2 choices, one tough for the choice of the other role and one with my choice for the lead if I get callback for it!!!! Not going to stress over it, it's not worth it...and I like that I read for the lead =), sometimes it just happens and you take it...roll with it and don't look back.

Treated my filmer to a cheesecake from Aroma which he devoured and myself to a vegan, gluten free raspberry cuppy cake for putting myself out there to struggle, to not be perfect. Cheers to not being sure all the time but doing something about it so you can be!

And with that, gotta callback tonight on the other taped audition earlier this week with the 2 choices from opposite ends of the spectrum - it worked...having my teacher tweak my choices only made my scene better. Sometimes it's a tweak and sometimes it's an overhaul but you've got to find the truth and you're the only one who is able so don't shurk on your responsibilities as an artist to explore that. Then you know the character and can fight a bit on set as to why your choices are the way they are with the help of the director's vision collaborating together or work with a director who only sees it as their vision but you'll be able to deal with that as well. Preparation is always key and if you only have your sight without being open, you may miss the big picture in the long run. Fight for who your character is at an audition but be open to change when you hit the set to give to the bigger vision of it all.

Had to have fun and bowl away at one of my favorite gal's Born Day Party! Always enjoy the wonderment of life...play a few video games (another high score at the Family Arcade on Vermont)  and enjoy the company of kiddies & animals. They'll remind you of pure love and all that is good/funny in the world and what can be important. Kids/Animals can be therapy, don't push it away, enjoy the moment of giggles and kisses, it may be just what you need to inspire you back into work with focus.

Yes, I'm still eating well (and at home) and giving my body the best in these 5-6 days of vegan eating and I'm going to keep saying that you don't have to miss out on your favorites just because. Someone say hot dogs - Field Roast is my new favorite because it is the closest to the real deal with a form of texture I can deal with. Boil 'em, fry 'em up, it's your choice but they are pretty delicious once you get all the fixins heaped up on them and boy do I not mess around. Veggie quesidillas with Follow Your Heart Cheese because I can't stand the smell of Daiya for some reason...nut cheeses with pretzels you say - don't mind if I do!!! Or gluten free/vegan mac n' cheese, with Gardein chix nuggets and home made vegan buffalo sauce...I'm getting hungry again but what's new!

You do have to change your original thought about what you think these should taste like in some ways, but for the most part, vegan food has come a long way baby so enjoy the plethera of choices out there. Enjoy and try it all - Just like your art! YUMMY!!!