"Can you understand the words comin' outta my mouth....because I can't!" HA!!! Frustrating to say the least but know that it's gonna happen and you've just gotta roll with it. Most days I'm in it to win it and then there are the far and few inbetweeners that seem to pop up outta nowhere to make me feel unactressy. Everyone knows its about the words and that can be the biggest hang up for most artists in this part of the business but you gotta get those right for the most part in order to book the job so as not to look like you're fresh into the business allowing the "nerves" to get to you. I haven't had a day like this in a long time so I guess I was due because, hey, you can't win them all...no matter how hard you try! I got my sleep, I didn't drunk drink the night before, I felt I had the lines and I woke up refreshed while getting ready with little to no stress. I did make breakfast which seemed to put me back a bit but nothing to make me feel out of sorts and I arrived having little to no hitch except entering in the wrong gate for my audition but made it to the room with no problems so why oh why could I not speak for this 2 minute scene??? I've done plays with words up the gazoo and yet a few lines can make my mouth feel like I've got quicksand sucking up my precious words...this can be disheartening but understand it happens but it's how you deal with it and yourself that's one of the most important lessons learned on this journey. I had read the scene and felt this role wasn't for me but noticed it was a casting director I had seen before so I decided to go along but not put too much into it since there wasn't much for the character anyway, the laugh was on for the main character and the ease of the rest of the cast in a ridiculous situation. I didn't like the description of dress for my character and it wasn't a scene I was all excited about but I wanted to put another good foot forward and either do well enough to be remembered or book the part and decide then whether it could all be worked out for me to do it. I went into the room pretty prepared in my mind and the first take was ghastly...there were gaps I couldn't seem to fill and all the funny was deflated out of my choice...it was awful and had I been given another take for that choice, I may have nailed it but because it failed so miserably she went in the opposite direction of just saying the lines with nothing really behind it. I processed it and felt ready to go although knowing I hate doing scenes that throw away lines for us unknown folks when you're not the star, but it's not up to you at times, there are other battles at other times that require that kind of attention. Some scenes will come up where there will be nothing you can do to make it artful to your soul but it's part of the job so you must make light of it because casting could call you in for something else later if maybe you don't do what I did...ha, ha, ha. I lost all function of my mouth and words just spilled out slurring along the way...who know what was said and if it made any sense but I kept going because dammit, I was going to just get through this process. I could've asked to stop but I was going to let this audition play out the way it was going too because I just didn't have the fight in me for this role on this particular day. It was what it was as I laughed saying thanks because I wasn't asked to do it again and walked out chuckling to myself at how terrible the play back was going to be. You gotta learn to laugh at yourself, yes it's a mess up but how many blooper reels do you have to see before you give yourself that leeway. We take ourselves so seriously and self deprecate when things don't go perfectly swell but learn to go with the flow of it, sometimes that imperfection works or brings out another nuance that couldn't be created with all the preparedness so walk away knowing you're a professional and if given the opportunity you could clean that all up. If most of your auditions are on point, brush these little hiccups as a time to laugh and enjoy your art for the flawed masterpiece that it is. I definitely drank my delicious $10 Leghorn corn whiskey from Trader Joe's that has been a secret find for days like these...bottoms up to mistakes and letting ourselves be human every chance we get!!!
So last week I had an audition with a scene regarding a woman coming out to a friend which was highly emotional but something I was able to contain and give the correct read via the casting director for by the 2nd take. I felt good about it but hadn't seen anyone that looked like me so I thought maybe I'd get pushed to the way side. Found out the day before leaving to see my Appa that I just got a call back/chemistry test read that it was to be on Wednesday. Discussed with my agent who totally understood my situation of auditioning thinking the call back would be that day by the latest since it was the week beforehand, not a week later while I have other plans on being out of state. Loved the script, loved the character and felt I could bring something other than the norm to the role and although given the opportunity, it just came a bit too late. I just couldn't cancel on seeing my Appa who's been crazy sick and my umma who's been running ragged taking care of him so my choice was clear but I did ask my agent to call to see if they could see me that day if that helped any. The answer was no so off I went as clear minded as I could back home to what was more important. This disease is something else...attacking every vital organ in your body shutting them down of their proper functions as you just waste away. Research done by family lead us to Vitamin C in powder form to place in his feeding tube along with Green Tea extract with the occasional splashes of fresh pressed juices to mix in the food without either folks knowing. I know what cleansing and ingesting proper foods can bring but for most skeptics that have never looked past western medicine its a difficult belief system to introduce. It takes years for your body to shut down and deal with disease, you would expect the mind to understand that it may take years to slow the process down and reverse some of your issues but we expect things to happen right away. We're shoved with pills and unnecessary operations accepting that willingly as our fate instead of doing something we may dislike, goodness forbid we retrain our minds about food, health and habits because it's not a quick fix. Watching a friend deal with chemo that went organic vegan because of a rare cancer and seeing her body fight is truly a sight to behold. She's in great spirits and stronger than most dealing with this process of healing because of her food habits which she'll attest to. Of course it isn't a miracle cure for her, but her whole being is constantly pushing back because what she has chosen to put into her body to fight. She's had to go back to some little intake of meats for extra strength but she realizes her choices of food before has kept her alive up to this point allowing her to fight another day. So take care of yous, be open to what can work with your body to make it the most efficient because this wondrous life and our dreams are worth fighting for and achieving...
Even though it felt like I was going to miss out, I had another audition to let me know that more will always be on the way. Hate missing out on such a great script but these new sides and creating this new character was exactly what I needed to get my art back on! Fun 3 page scene and saw that one of the executive producers was a female I wouldn't mind working with/for...so I memorized and created a grounded but fun character to portray and left it at that. Got an email stating they'd let me know and I was just happy to get a reply out of the audition stating they saw it...you just never know with these at home auditions so it's always a plus that someone reaches back out to you so crossing fingers and moving on as we all should...
I had the pleasure of meeting this young woman after I performed "Bee Luther Hatchee" at the Sierra Madre Playhouse. What made our meeting so special was that she had to wait for me to finish my talk backs and asked kindly to take pictures with me after I had spoken to everyone. For some reason, my character resonated with her although I wasn't the lead of the show and I was just touched at how much she fell for "Libby...my character." I took pictures that evening with her, found out she had an interest in acting and I told her to go for it but to do it for herself, not anyone else. She'll find out if she loved it then...fast forward to the end of the year and I get a message stating she's in her first play and she's the lead! Was asked if I could make it and with my Appa in the condition he was in, I wasn't quite sure but stated if in town, I'd be there. Made it back and was able to quietly be there without her knowledge to surprise her after...she was fantastic with all her words and I was truly humbled watching this young lady acting it out after our chat. No matter how small you may feel your world is, no matter how much more you may feel you have left to achieve your ideals, no matter how you may feel your outreach is...IT IS! You don't have any idea who is watching you, being inspired by you, rooting for you because maybe they can't reach out but they stay connected by quietly seeing you. You're not that celebrity they rush to yet so you don't get the accolades of hearing all the shouts and chants but whatever job you're doing with love, someone is paying attention and someone is being affected by it. I find art when I serve people at the bakery and no one really knows I'm an actress there except some who work there, otherwise it's just me pushing goodies into the hands of our customers...and I love it! Seeing the cute kiddos, helping folks out and trying to make their time in my presence just a bit better for it...so do all that you do in love of what you do, find your craft in it and watch how that goodness spreads, even on the bad days, you get to have some pretty amazing moments. This young lady showed me that art reaches whomever it speaks to and to be ready when artin' to understand that it's your job to keep doing the thing that you love to inspire someone else to do the same. Let's send out so much love, we all need it...I can't repeat that enough - LOVE!!! 
No comments:
Post a Comment