The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions  53-58 ( Auditions #62 - #67 plus a few more vo's included  )

It's not about you...repeat after me and keep on saying it until it's drilled in after every single audition you do - IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!!! Celebrate that fact, celebrate it so good that you allow your disappointment/anger/expectation to just fall by the way side because in this business, you can allow that hurt to keep buggin' you or you can just shake it off...shake, shake. I got an self submission taped audition with some well knowns, including one being an executive producer, shooting in the Dominican Republic/Florida with travel, lodging etc included. Got the sides and it was ummmmmm - whatever in acting terms. Had barely any lines because it was a scene with 3 besties attending a reunion so it was spread out but I do what I do and added my own sprinkles, laughed about it all being reactionary since my mammasan was with me and finally saw what I did to make these self tapes happen. Of course I go to Joshua Tree for some time to recharge from such a heavy year and I get that e-mail while heading in and had to head back out of the park just to answer the e-mail since there's little to no signal there thank goodness, I needed a day without the phone! Trek out to really read the e-mail and noticed they also wanted my height and after looking at the lead's I knew it was going to be a thing. The e-mail stated I was director & producer picked - WOW...yeah, okay - and that they needed some info in case they needed to reach me since this was a quick turnaround. After making all that effort to get out of the park, answer the email with all the needed info, I heard NOTHING back! Yep, you heard right, after all the hoopla of being picked, not a damn word after dealing with trying to send confirmed messages. Not a "thank you," not a "we went a different way," just ghosted - 😂 This is how this business is ran half the time and as the artists, we get the brunt end of things. All day I had hoped he received my message and when I finally finished my day and was able to check, it was sent as it should've been. This had no affect on my day and how I connected with the nature that surrounded me because I did that audition with no expectation and when I received that e-mail I already knew I had been through this enough times to know that you don't get excited until you've been booked and are on the plane! BOY BYE, I ain't got no time for dis here nonsense, I keeps it movin' as you should without trying to process all of this into it being your fault somehow. It's not...it's THEM, let crazy be crazy and you stay focused and on course. 4 more auditions rounded out the end of the year with me getting in on the Paramount Lot for a pre-read for casting I hadn't seen in awhile. Although once again, one of the few black women given the opportunity, I was thankful to see an office once again to make my mark and sit on the actual "Forrest Gump" bench for some good vibes into 2019. A tremendous V.O. audition day with British dialects played for 2 auditions as well as something easier to finish the day plus another extra day filled with a couple of big vo's sent in as well. Another commercial audition in the heat of traffic of course to annoy the crap outta me but rocked it even though I don't think this office even likes me, but you go in when you're called and smile at all the petty! Last audition was for a huge network in the horror genre and I'm still keeping hope alive with the piece I sent in even though the character is stacked against me as I play a mom, I WANT THIS ONE but it is what it will be and I'm just happy to be on their radar now! 2018 was the year of the sow and I'm looking forward to all the reaping in 2019...don't let the process get you down, it is what it is and it'll make you the better artist when the time comes - don't doubt that, just keep that forward drive and we'll get there together! They haven't seen the likes of us yet...and boy are they missing out!!! When you feel like you're stuck between rocks of pressure, smile, look up and see the LOVE, focus on the love - the love of the art, the love of oneself and the love of others! Screw the rest of the noise and follow your passion/purpose...hello 2019!!!

Although I didn't receive regular bookings through an audition process, I received offers to work this year on some beautiful passion projects. Just when you think nothing is happening, the universe answers ever so easily letting you know you're in the right space, doing your purpose. Don't let go of that...EVER!!!

Getting paid to be a understudy in "A Raisin In The Sun" - given to me by 2 directors ( Saundra & Gregg ) I had worked for out of the blue during a time of pain/celebration ( never had to hit the stage - whew...but I would've done it gladly:

Shooting a full teaser trailer with creative friends for their own passion project:

Taped film reading for the wondrous writer Kimba along with celebrating a cherished friend's memory by eating at her favorite place while in the area:

Getting to shoot a personal commercial with my extremely talented friend, Rodrigo:

Script reading of "Scales" by a beautiful creative soul and friend, John G. Long:

Poetry by ( like I said ) my wonderfully, talented creative Rodrigo:

Playing the Blasian spa owner, Charlotte in the upcoming "Prowess" series with Freedom:

Table reading of feature film script "Unreachable" via the artist Lowes:

Shooting my first Sci-Fi short from the "Tankborn" Trilogy by Karen also pictured as I geeked out because it was also given to me by 2 wonderful female directors that I knew and one that took her first chance with me - Stacey, Shea & Regina:

What a year...without much, I did so much and for that I am grateful...grow out of those rocks and SHINE my arties! YAY to sowing in 2018 and gettin' it all in 2019, let's do dis!!! 

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - 50, 51 & 52 ( Auditions #59, #60 & #61 )

If at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again! Pulled together a major audition for a video game weeks ago for a character I felt I was perfect for and although they were seeing actresses from NY, London and L.A., with my background, I felt I could at least compete. Gave it my all with using a bo on top of the read aaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddddddddd nada...zero...zilch! I get it, they may have had some major peeps and I may not be the ideal look they were going for, so as with all auditions, it was let go! That means I celebrated the fact that I threw myself all in with the process and called it a day. A couple of weeks go by and there's another audition for a younger character but something I could play, so instead of saying since I didn't get it on the first go, they're not looking for me so why do it...I say "why not? I'll give them something completely different, in my read, in my characterization, in my physicality...why not?" It wasn't even for them, it became for me to see if I had enough thought to actually give them something completely different in feel and look. See, I don't want to be recognizable in every role I play. I don't want to be the same character, over and over and over again. I want to play ball like Johnny Depp gets to play! I want to dig deep and get lost like Meryl Streep! I don't want just costume changes and hair did differently but me being the same ole me cause that's what I've got to give kinda work flow. I want the same opportunities to change as my counterparts and not be stuck as a typecasted artist...I'm not knocking it, it's good money, there's nothing wrong with it...it just ain't for me. I've fought hard to play/depict different characters so that one day, this may come easier. Whatever road you choose, just make sure it makes you happy as an artist, you'll go a lot further and keep yourself inspired by being what you want to be no matter how the odds are stacked against you because honestly...all you need is a that chance to come in with guns a blazing and then when the next shot comes in, you can navigate your way into a clearer focus of what you want to do. That's why it's absolutely important that you fight some of your battles now - aren't considered sexy? Do a short that changes that opinion. Don't look "professional" - do a web series that has you in a position of "professionalism" as you see it. Aren't viewed as comedic - do that comedy...much easier to gain the confidence/experience now although you're fighting that up hill battle because if you wait, you can possibly be stuck fighting up a mountain instead. Heard nothing again but no worries, I've got two super cute warrior characters in the bag waiting to play the next time along with my doctor to teacher feel...gotta develop them all! GO PLAY and get dat bag of characters to work with 😂

Decided to pick up a Brand Ambassador job for Michael Kors ( whom I took a picture of ) & Kate Hudson's venture of ending world hunger via their non-profit by the giving away of fun goodies at UCLA along with selling a few t-shirts designed by Brazilian artist Eli Sadbrack near Rodeo Drive. Although the day started stressful with full on traffic that made me late to the first location, once there, I went all in for such a worthy cause and even shot a quick Instagram commercial promoting the event for their account. Being an actress has it's perks of coming up with dialogue on the fly as well as reciting a few facts given a few minutes earlier with some personality to deliver it all. Practice where ever and whenever given the opening but go back to being human and helping even more! That's where the good stuff lies, where that inspiration springs up from, it ain't all glitz and glamour, but being of service to someone other than yourself will always open your eyes/heart/mind for extra motivation on doing the things that matter most to your soul! Get that foundation to grow on...💞 

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - 47, 48 & 49 ( Audition #55, #56, #57 & #58 )

How do you keep moving on after being riddled with deaths - 5 for me this year, all super close to me in some way - baby steps! This year has been my most trying of times, from losing no one in my inner circle to being trampled upon by life every few months in 2018. I couldn't seem to get back into a natural swing because each time I started to, someone else had to be celebrated. My heart aches at 2018 and I felt myself shutting down, some artistically, some personally. I just wanted to be alone for the most part, which is my safe space and one I tried to only give myself moments of...why? Because that's how I deal with pain...I like to hurt alone, cry by myself, deal with whatever and see if my being can pull it back together, pull me back to center by listening to what it is I truly need. No outside influences, just me trying to hear my intuition and give my soul all the room that's needed to realign. Those years of martial arts taught me that it is me and only me that can heal the insides of me with focus, determination and love. I didn't pursue art but it still randomly would pop up and I'd give my best go but nothing seemed to click this year in ways of a "traditional" booking...however, I've shot some things, I've been in the room quite a bit with little to no effort, have had repeat casting offices call me back and auditioned for more interesting roles this year than any other year so far - from series regulars, to contract roles, to being one or one of the few POC in the room getting seen. SOMETIMES YOU SOW....we as artists must remind ourselves of that because we're so use to the dry spell that when we hit a heavy run like I've had the last few years, it feels like a screeching halt when the "work bookings" aren't flowing in. During the "droughts," we lay down seeds with our auditions, our constant bombardments of submissions and growing as an artist by doing some worthy freebies in our art, taking a few classes or growing as an artist by trying something new like voice over work. Building characters by auditioning outside our box even when we know we're not the norm - gotta love going from crazy, 80's dressing gal, to a surviving horror, cleavage showing kickass, to a strong wife then happy, normal commercial type! We've been here before, we'll probably be here again, it's how you recognize these moments that will help shape your career. Do you lose it? Do you get into the bad because hell, that's the route most artists go? Or do you reinvent? Make something new out of the old? Repurpose? These choices are yours and yours alone but you must understand that this business has you riding high for moments and then sinking to the depths of lows the next. Prep now, get use to this cycle now so you know exactly what to do when it hits...there's no panic, life moves on and you must art because that's what we do. We sow in the down time, to gather in the next cycle and reap when it's time...get good at sowing, even during the pain, the sadness, the hurt, the anger...if an audition comes up, you prepare, you work it and you go, especially if it's something that speaks to your heart or just something you need to do. You'll find yourself more connected, more aware, more in the moment and it won't be about delivering it in a way you may think they need to see it but by the realness of the moment that you're in - that's beautiful, that's art and that's yours and yours alone. I let some things go, I attended to the few things I wanted and I survived with healing because I allowed myself the space to do so while still being present in this moment. Taking time out for me, getting back into my workout routine and being/sharing on social media when I felt like it gave me the time I needed. There's no rush...we're talking about your spirit here, allow it the room to just be and it'll let you know exactly what it needs. More movies to escape - do that. More walks in the park - go for it. More home cooked meals - fix them. More time with loving animals, rubbing wolf belly or selfies with a fennec - there are places to go, like Animal Tracks! Less noise and chatter - quiet it all but it's on you to figure out the healing method necessary and most effective for your soul. And all the while I sowed...submitted when I felt it was powerful enough, auditioned when it was good enough for my art and showed up when my presence was requested. It was everything I could do and still hold it together...so I keep sprinkling those seeds about, giving myself enough time to prepare because my mind wanders a bit more now and giving myself the encouragement that they may not want me this time, but they're gonna want/need me the next. Life goes on...it's up to you how you answer that but understand you've got strength from those that believed in you, the love that only they gave to you and the knowing that they wanted to see you be in the place that you were passionate about - so don't give up/give in, it's time to go after it all that much harder!

Premieres happen and no matter how much I want to avoid them, it's important for me to show up and get better at them!!! It's hard talking off the cuff to strangers, it gives me so much anxiety but in this business, it's a part of the business as my beast keeps reminding me. My 2nd actual major premiere, so I decided to do calming, methodical things to gear up and see if that helped this time around...treating myself like a pampered pooch was a nice touch and it's official, it's a ritual now! Facial to know I'm looking my best with all the picture taking ( $33 for an organic facial, ) nails to feel like I'm armored up with pretty ( $20 at my local spot ) and a massage to free up some fear tensions ( $25 for a full hour during the early bird special 9a-1p at my favorite Emperor Leisure Spa ) which made this all so much more fun even on a budget! "Runnin' From My Roots" is a faith based film with debuts from Janelle Author of "American Idol" as the lead and Nia Sioux - also known as Nia Frasier of "Dance Moms." Lots of beautiful duets with Deanna Carter and cameos from some familiar soap stars make this movie as sweet as pie. Loved being on set because the casting director who also is the director ( Gabrielle Evans ) of our bits thanked us profusely for being there, being patient and being artists. I was literally booked off my self submission - it doesn't happen often, but it does happen guys, so don't knock doing them no matter how you may feel about them! They're the future and they're making our lives easier in ways! During this time, I only had a couple of lines to get out but during filming not only did I have to say my stuff, there was an opportunity presented when they decided to do some random rolling of the camera to get some "extra" stuff while they showed us milling about. I was asked to just talk through it since it made sense for my character being a media reporter and talk I did. I improv'd a whole bit on the spot talking to my "watchers" and guess what - not only did it make the cut, I opened the film while the other regular lines got cut. Improv guys and understand the art of acting - make sure you know who you're playing, why you're playing them and what you've got to say besides your requested lines, you never know when a chance moment will help you make it in the film. I was the last guest to walk the red carpet so although I tried to avoid some spots, I still got captured and had a great conversation with the last interviewer making the walk of dread so much fun! 🎉 Now who was the good girl and deserves that well earned celebratory din din

  

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 45 & 46 ( Audition #51, #52, #53 & #54 )

"Put all dat drama into your work arties!!!" I can rage so much right now...the frustration and utter confusion I have about the world as I live in it, has got my head, heart and spirit unsettled. So I take all of it...EVERY LAST DROP OF IT and pour it into my work whenever the opportunity hits. Don't let what is going on outside your control to throw you out of balance with your truth, reign in what you can control and do and give and push it out in your expression. That's art, don't deprive your work from utilizing every aspect of your situations because that is where your uniqueness lies...the beauty of that pain that you carry. It's difficult to share, but harnessing that energy into your work is the difference between you and others. I've had to learn to tread lightly amongst my dark, not to get too sucked into the hurt of it all but to understand that my depth was different from what others may give and that became my strength. Yes, it's too much for some but those aren't the ones I'm trying to reach, I'm here to put in real work and get the ones that can dial it back or push it all out when needed...these are the projects I'm truly interested in. Usually this doesn't go for someone like me, however, it is my dream and goal that I and others like me will be viewed as such soon enough, therefore I push and I push so hard that it hurts to breathe, it hurts to speak and it hurts to feel but it is in that vulnerability I can cast my art before others in hopes to move them as they try to understand my work. Don't shy away from your pain but truly be in a safe place learning to mold and give without hurting anyone including yourself. This is the good stuff, this is where your power could lie and where your confidence may grow as a truth seeker in which it is your responsibility to explore. Unleashing this at random times on set without you being in full control may lead you down a dark rabbit hole, so practice, work, practice, explore, practice, knead, practice and push and you'll learn more about yourself as an artist and when/how to give 25%, to 50%, up to 75%, when 100% is necessary and then all out when called for. Find those triggers, find what you do to calm those triggers and explore how to come out of that space safely surrounded by love but this isn't possible without your gentle care into it all. 2 very different dramatic scenes needed with different timing of pain/strength/tears and trying to find those moments was my beautiful challenge for the day. All this while pushing out 2 voice over auditions before with 2 more after to make it all interesting. Literally 6 auditions within a few hours ( I gave my count for my vo's 1 & 1 since they were bulked together ) from one end of the spectrum of happiness to the other side of hurt/anger, one for a collaborative project with a monologue requested and one for a short film. I welcome these days to figure it all out and give each one it's own space...it's my practice now for my future employments of work when I can race from one gig to the next! My favorite times are getting to share these moments and usually I'm going between 25%-50% because I honestly know it's difficult for most to digest and how some may react. That's good...grab these auditions by the kohones and push yourself out of your comfort zone because after all...they're just auditions at the end of the day but it's your time to explore/play! Who knows, you may just very well end up booking the job because of the "extra" you decided to give yourself permission to try...regardless, it's work practiced and this monologue challenges me every time to find something new! Keep finding that challenge, keep finding a way to be moved and you will find some truth!!!

Are you still finding reasons to celebrate or at least make whatever you're going to do or doing into some type of celebration? I can't stress how important this is for you, your psyche and your art...how do you expect it to keep on giving on such a high level? If your body gets worn down from lack of sleep and bad foods, isn't it possible for your inspirational well to dry up? I truly believe that when you then wait too long to "filler back up," is when you become less motivated, more bitter and close to sliding into the danger zone of releasing your dreams. I can't afford all the shows/art I'd love to go to/buy, the gas alone to get around plus money for whatever besides regular days of life is a tremendous burden on my wallet, however, I've learned to combine. If I get something to celebrate and want to do so with food at Sage let's say...I wait until Mon/Tues when they've got happy hour all day long or save a celebration to hit up a new vegan joint after a meeting when I'm out and about and literally have a lunch that I can split into 2 meals. I also practice buying at least one "special" item like the vegan toona or the almond milk ricotta & mushroom ravioli by Kite Hill at the grocery store that I may not usually purchase because of the price, that I store and save to give to myself on a day I know I should regardless of how I may feel about an audition/meeting. I have a couple of different whiskies ( even brought back a Herman Marshall Texas Rye ) that I love to drink but will only drink some of that special one on a really good day! Sometimes it's giving myself extra time to stretch and sit in the steam/sauna room after a double workout and not rush a damn thing because it feels great not to think about stuff for a bit. Even in my most extravagant, I'll still wait for the double sale online for any Free People clothing I've been gawking at or hit up the clearance runway rack at TJ Maxx for that one piece I found to wear to an event that's worth $300-$500 but has been marked down to $25-$75, more within my "special occasion" budget. It's weird at first, but once you decide to reward what you give of yourself, you begin to appreciate every little thing which brings about real sentimental value. Those shoes mean more because you gifted yourself after a major audition which you may or may not have booked, but when you wear them now, there's a certain sense of pride and confidence only you carry into the room when you sport them. Learn to celebrate you, not for show but to genuinely show yourself that you care about you as well...rewarding oneself will have you loving yourself and loving yourself will give shine to your art that no one can quite place. Be good to you, it's a requirement if you want to make it in this business grounded, focused and ready! Bloom here, bloom now - JUST BLOOM!!!

 

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 43 & 44 ( Audition #48, #49 & #50 ) 😍

I'm sure I'm over the 50 count with the voice over auditions but this is huge with and without the bookings because years ago, I'd have one audition a month if I was lucky enough, 1 booking per year - fingers crossed - especially being a POC female not actually fitting into any boxes. Last year I ended around this amount and I still got 3 months to go right now - WHEW! This has been hard work just to get here...to take more control over my submissions by submitting myself when good projects pop up even if it's only low pay, to opening myself up to voice over work and making sure I do my work to give the room pause enough to make sure I'm called back in. This takes time and although you feel like you going all uphill, in mud, barefoot and cold, what you put in will be the showing. I know, I know...I'm slow with my new headshots and updated reels too - these all cost money and the only time I can get to it is when I book or get extra cash flow but eventually things get done much to the chagrin of my representatives who are patient and understanding as all get out but they can't always pitch me the way they may want because not every tool is in place and...that sucks but that's okay. What you make sure of, is that you not only put in the work but you also take care of the necessities one step atta time.After 2 voice over auditions the evening prior, there was a mandatory voice over meeting for our agency first thing in the morning and if you could hear some of the appalling excuses actors had for her as she's fighting to get this job for a person, you'd realize that your good attitude indeed goes a long way. I'm still learning but I'd never intentionally send in an audition with a loud bang in it and refuse to redo it because it's an audition...it's what might get you work, what is so difficult in trying to be as clean as possible? While there was construction around the house, I ended up using a blanket to cover myself and the mic just to create a buffer needed. It was what I had at the moment and it was used to make my takes as clean as possible. You do, what you gotta do!!! I don't get the excuses we make for ourselves to throw away an opportunity because we're tired of the game. We all get frustrated, sometimes bitter and it's hard to see the artist you truly are when nothing seems to be going your way but understand that it's your view point that needs perspective. As tough as this year has been, I've had some ah-mazing auditions that are definitely a step up from years past...little to no co-stars ( which when they come I accept gladly because work is work,) usually just guest stars, recurring or leads. It's a big leap and something I don't take too lightly because most of these have been for repeats in the same room. Getting in front of the same casting directors is a huge feat because you've got to understand that they like you, they're just trying to get that perfect role that works for you and everyone else. They believe in your work and they want you to do well, they've seen you do different things and they're just cheering you on now. Quit pissing on that, quit being upset about being called in and not booking, quit acting as if it's owed to you when you have no idea the fight they may be putting up for you just to keep you in that room. Do you know how many submissions they've received? The pitches they've heard from bigger agencies? The memory they've had to call you back in when they see thousands of actors and although its been some months since you've been through their door, they still managed to remember that YOU should be in the room and given the opportunity. DON'T WASTE NONE OF THAT...this is the good stuff, where stories are made and every step is towards YOUR LIGHT and could be a new level for your dreams.Yes, it's difficult to see the sunshine behind the clouds, but you've got to remember that it's there, trying to break through and you've got to be around in order to get you some! Loved the fact I was in this major soap opera casting office (I can't name) once again but this time for a way bigger role, can't wait to get back in and see what other characters I can build on for them. Trust the work, trust the process and most of all TRUST YOUR ART!!

 

Went to Austin, Texas for a wedding and what I got back was a replenishment in my focus and inspiration with other forms of art and all the delicious food I could stuff into my belly! I didn't think I needed this time but while I was there, I could just feel my "12 year old self" coming out to play. Learning to relax a bit, enjoy the moments more and giving the gifts of changed perspectives even to a powerful 4 year old. ( Posted on FB but will repeat because it's necessary for us all.) This lil' gal found me and started chatting me up at the wedding and then came the introductions. After saying her name, she noted it was a very "long name..." I said that's okay, I kinda have one too but after chatting for a moment she then went into how "long" her name was again - as if to explain/apologize so I stopped her and asked if she liked her name. Although she hesitated, she looked up at me and said yes. I smiled so big and said "I love your name!" Then I looked her in her eye and simply stated "Long name, Strong name," she smiled big and repeated. We must change our perspectives and if we can't, I can only hope that you have a tribe that can help change it for you - we need it because we art! Soaking up all that life has to offer because it is too short and you must grab fistfuls of goodness where ever you are and as much as you can while you still have those opportunities. From staying for the first time in an airstream with a claw tub I was able to just be in, to a couple of impromptu photo shoots, to visiting an outdoor graffiti art gallery, to seeing painted black mermaids on the wall of restaurants, to seeing bats, bats and mo' bats. Eating whatever my heart desired, and my belly craved, to drinking at secret spots, to hiking through water made caverns and buying art from local businesses which included a bitchstix - lip balm that supports survivors! New things to push my senses and to understand truly that WE ARE ART if we choose to be...it is painful, it takes work, it may take so much time, but the beauty of it is our LOVE for it and that my friend shines like nothing else. I was pleasantly surprised at the rejuvenation Austin gave me, in a place I was actually asking if the Air B&B knew I was black as I was parking with the beast only to spot that sign...that sign that let me know that there are people even in states you think aren't fighting that are resisting and loving and giving. This place renewed my hope in people and in life and gave me new courage to fight on, to keep sharing love and to keep working on my art filled life because it is all worth it. So go travel whenever you can, it doesn't have to be far nor expensive or specific...I went for a wedding and explored as much as possible. Fill your depleted well by shopping local and seeing what artists like yourself are trying to create. Don't let this daily grind keep stealing pieces of you, there is a way to keep strong, to keep at 'em, to keep the course and that is to find those little things that make such a big difference in your life without you even knowing it nor expecting it! YAY to life - CARPE DIEM!!! 💖