The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 5 ( Audition #8 )

It's been a hard couple of weeks and rearranging my schedule, turning down callbacks and cancelling auditions was the least of my worries. Through unexpected turn of events, I flew home to be with family and celebrate a life that had cheered me on since before I can remember. Life hits us hard at times and as artists, we have to learn how to answer and realize what is truly important at that very moment. I've never lost anyone close to me, in my circle and to get the news that it's my #1 fan, I was crushed to beyond. I thanked the universe that the only things I had to do was walk away from callbacks, reschedule and cancel auditions as I thought about them, try to find a flight for that day, contact work, my agents and my manager. I wasn't in the midst of shooting or on stage but life doesn't work like that all the time and we all have to make decisions when the time comes so don't let whatever your choice may be, define that moment for you. For some, we must continue on our work to grieve later and for others, we get to decide to leave fast and be with our loved ones as soon as possible...it's difficult regardless but understand, there is understanding in whatever you choose. So live in that moment because art has a way of still coming after you if you are art and art is you...I left knowing for me that it was the right thing to do...and still...as I celebrated quietly, my Appa pushed me along anyway and I had a self tape due once I arrived in WA.

This audition was to be in person Thursday evening but since I was on a flight to WA Tuesday night, I sent a quick message apologizing for now unconfirming my audition, the reason and if self tape was possible. They sent back a really nice message and stated I could send a self tape as soon as I wanted with the sides attached and I memorized lines on the plane when I could focus. Took the following day, in between helping out, to look over my sides and quietly thank my Appa for still being with me. Although it was stated to take my time, I knew since my audition was early Thursday evening, I wanted my tape in by 6p if possible. Set up my portable, plastic tri-pod that has worked wonders for these self submissions but didn't take into account my new camera phone would give me such heart ache and misery...like taping upside down even when I kept rotating the camera and finally turning it back around to still have the problem which of course wasn't noticed until completed. My footage was jacked and there was no way I'd be able to fix it from long distance and not my personal computer. The sheer frustration with it all, ( I mean, look at my faces )...then www.quainphoto.com to the rescue!!! My beast was able to flip it, reupload my footage letting me just send once it was ready...all in a day's work. Got it in by 7p and knew my Appa was watching proudly...and my face of happiness knowing I got it all done with my tribe! Thanks Anela...you read it beautifully for me and umma and Herna for trying so hard to be quiet for so long during this fiasco!!! HA!!!

My heart hurts because all these years, the man that knew I'd somehow do it all, was now gone. He waited, he watched and he waited and he watched as I kept growing, especially in these last few years. He hasn't even seen my best years yet and I'm saddened that I can't have him by my side when he does. When I was working hard just to get an audition, this man who didn't even understand this business would tell me how old Whoopi was when she made it and to not fret on my time because talent was talent. I'd explain how hard it was because I wasn't into compromising my ideals or morals for a chance to shine and how much harder I felt it was for me to be taken seriously because of how I looked and he just stated how proud he was of me. He was the first to grasp the concept that this was going to take years of my life in the making and he was willing to watch me do whatever I loved and only required that of me....and he would cheer me on for every little baby step I took. He's been a monster of showing me how support should look like, not only during my booking times but during all the rejection as well. Never once did he say, "YOU SHOULD GIVE UP...maybe this isn't for you..." NOT ONCE! My heart is humbled to have had this soul in my life, that took me in when I wasn't his, that despite some of his family rooting for his demise at times because of his choices to be better gave me exactly what he didn't receive. Not of my blood but all my family I've ever needed to know and have and cherish, he was a GIANT and through my art I will celebrate him from the depths of my being because that is what always made him most proud. Seeing my mom take the torch that he held so toughly for me gives me strength to continue and aspire to be better and more. This is why those closest to you should be taken with skepticism, more scrutiny and less guilt. Just because they're "family," doesn't make them your tribe...just because they grew up with you, doesn't mean they should be in your inner circle and just because someone feels like they "know you," doesn't mean they should be trusted with your fears. Who is encouraging you every step of the way? Who is there to help you with questions when you've got them? Who is there to lend a helping hand whenever they can, however they can? Who is truly happy for you when you book or announce something? Who can point out some of the rough spots of your performance with love but still tell you how dope you are to even have done it? Ask yourself Arties, over and over again - WHO? Then you celebrate those people, sometimes even getting to fly them down, stay in your room a block away from the ocean, take them to a fancy dinner beforehand to watch their first theatre performance in a wonderful theatre that seats 400 people, sitting center and finally seeing you for the first time do your art...for them! #formyappa