The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 31 ( Audition #35 )

I'm really beginning to love the aspect of auditioning at home...just being comfortable to create your moments is an artistic freedom rarely given in the room. There's a bare white wall with bad lighting, with everyone staring at you...some may feed off this obnoxious energy at times but for the most part, I'd rather not waste my gas fighting traffic arriving in stress sometimes, getting signed in to barely having enough time to catch my breath and use the bathroom before I'm in the room with a maybe a nice but "prove me wrong" casting director with thoughts of only how they might see the scene or the character, get a shot maybe because I gave something different than expected only to be out the door in less time it took me to find parking, which I'm racing back to my car to make sure no ticket was given all the while rehashing my scene as I drive home if I felt I flubbed in any way, caught in enough traffic to cause me to rethink my life's choices - urghhhhh. I do the same thing at my pace, in my house with only love in the air and I'm able to create my magic, my way for a brief moment and if they love it great, I get that call but if not, I'm not in a space questioning if I did every thing right in the room. Usually I'm on point but sometimes I just want to do the work, be the art and forget the noise - give them all of my truth and it's so much easier in my space. If I get off track, run it again - if I question the scene, roll it - if  I don't like a certain take, redo and compare...there's none of that in the room, they've got places to be and other artists to see so the pressure is on. I'm truly at the place where I don't feel that as much, it's just all the other crap that comes with it. So in home, self submissions are my friend and I've booked from them, met new cd's from them and have had callbacks after, so they work it's just a process getting use to this new way of doing things but embrace it, you'll be thankful when you're booked on another job across country and can send a video submission in for a role you want that lines up with your schedule...there's goodness is this, you just gotta see the light. 14 pages, 5 scenes, enough monologuey responses to make my head spin and 3 days to get it in my system during work, shooting and play! WHEW...the challenge is real and yes I felt overwhelmed but I reminded myself, one line atta time because this is what dreams are made of so grab it at every opportunity it presents itself to you. Totally excited for this audition because it was for a lead in a low budget feature film and although they were asking for nudity tolerance, for the pay, they were only getting "implied nudity" from me. Remember never to feel any pressure, if it's your thing, fine but if it's not, understand that people like me are telling them the same thing...unless it's relevant, unless it's for something major and unless it pushes the story forward, it's all naked just for the sake of nakedness and that's where my line for me is always drawn. I know there's this "thing" to do it only with a white wall, listen, if you don't have it, you don't have it...just make do, it'll be professional because you're professional. Do your art unabashedly the way you see fit for your spirit, mind and soul because you're the only one who has to answer to yourself, it's not what others think or mind, it's about you and what you want to put out into the world as you....GO DO YOU!!!

So along with the fight and not being viewed as a fighter in this business because of whatever, I've been waiting for years to take certain photos to promote the whole idea of me being just that. Not just a quick shot to show I've got it because that didn't work but more of a cinematic experience so that I can be looked upon to be in the film/show. I want an opportunity and within my means, I was able to create at least the idea that yeah, I can do that too. I love the post apocalyptic world and dammit, it's a dream to be involved with a big production of it so I'm putting my bid in now! You can't just sit and wait to hopefully be called in, sometimes you gotta go out there and make your mark by making them see it all fully. Took a few months to find the right boots, dress, top and accessories by thrifting but so well worth it when I look at the photos....sometimes you just gotta think outside the box and try other means to get the ball rolling. Whatever your idea, your concept, put it into motion...the universe will answer...it has to when you're knocking so hard! 😀 Get those juices flowing and allow your vision to be told....( thanks www.quainphoto.com )

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 30 ( Audition # 34 )

Had a nice audition for a big voice over casting office who decided to give me a shot without a reel for a big company - had to sign an NDA to boot. Never heard of them but my agent knew they were looking for a specific type of voice and instead of not dealing with it all for me because I have no reel as of yet, she pulled one of my files I've submitted and they decided to give me an audition because of it. This is what I mean when I say "TEAM...," not having the biggest agency or agent out there but someone who truly believes in you and your art and is willing to do what it takes to get you heard/seen. Most big agencies don't want you until you're doing some big things and even if you do get on their roster, they're not fighting for you like they can...they've already got celebrities to deal with along with "B level" clientele so just because you're rocking their agency name on your resume, doesn't actually mean their out there doing all the things they need to do to ensure your career gets to the next step. I know it's prestigious to say you're with these guys but unless you know beyond a shadow of doubt that they're grinding this business for you...don't rely on any of it. I love small, boutique agencies...the ones with a good reputation with some working actors and although they may have plenty of diversity, no two really look alike. The ones that make you feel like family and when/if you need a meeting, they do their best to get you in the door to chat. They may not be known ( just like you ) but they've got heart and when they decide they're repping you, they're out there fighting for you just to get in the door because they believe in you and know you'll do the rest. Remember these times, understand who believed in you when no one else really did the work and then treat them like family whenever you get the opportunity. This business is full of talk, lies, deceit and wasted time, find the "TEAM" that not only talks to you about what you need but will work with whatever you've got as well. I'm in a happy place for the most part and that allows me to focus on my craft so make sure to search/find the peace, those rocks that won't drop you because you're older, bigger, more different then they imagined and hang on as you fight side by side to get to your dreams. Don't ever underestimate a fighter with heart...they'll prove you wrong every time!


During my trip to Utah, I was notified by a post that a close friend of mine had passed. I was visiting every week ( driving 1+ hour there and 1 1/2+ back ) to Santa Monica to bring home made fresh, organic, juiced, juices or home made kimchees or bringing over her favorite vegan dish from one of her top spots. She deserved it and so much more, she was one of the most beautiful souls around with enough energy to put you on your butt. I truly loved her and her spirit left a mark on my soul. I got into this business not knowing anyone and being the introvert that I am, I was happy to keep it that way. I started off as an extra on shows since I happen to meet a writer ( more on that another time ) but eventually you ran into Colleen. She was the "Queen Bee" of the sets, always working, always knowing everyone in front of and behind the camera and had an in at all the extra casting offices. She was always smiling and always trying to bring everyone together...she was unnerving to say the least, but as you got to know her, she was a genuine, kind soul that loved sharing information and helping - whereas I was just content with either reading the bible/books/acting sides for classes. She chipped away at my resistant heart...I didn't need no friends and I sure as hell didn't want to make any from sets but the universe had other plans and she weaseled her way into my life so to speak. She helped me to get work since she was always busy visiting, updating her pictures or finding out who the new extra casting offices were in town, so I became the tag a long listening to her about getting work and staying on top of that as an extra. I taught her not all the girls were as giving as us and to start being discerning with sharing info since I was terrible at being an extra and was starting to get auditions. I'd let her know what I was auditioning for, she'd put the bull horn out and people would crash if they could since we were all close to the specs - back when crashing an audition wasn't as big of a deal. I started noticing some of the more popular gals would only share music video auditions or trashy auditions I didn't want to be a part of so I distanced myself from them but not her, letting it be known that I saw their true intentions. On one of her Born Day celebrations, I cooked her a full meal and through miscommunication of after activities, I sat on the phone downstairs chatting away as she waited on me upstairs although our conversation had consisted of her going to sleep. She went to her room upset and I went to sleep bewildered and hoping for a talk after all cooled down in the morning but was left a note to my chagrin. She was my girl, my ace, my sister and I decided I had to nip this in the bud so I called...and called...and called...and called over 8 times wanting to just talk and see what happened and where it went wrong and to apologize. NOTHING...it was one of the saddest moments of my life and I let it go...I stated to myself and to the universe that when and if she wanted to talk, I'd be available. We didn't talk for over 10 plus years...I went on to focus on acting/speaking parts and she was always booked on high paying extra commercial gigs but my heart remembered her fondly. Someway, somehow we reconnected and because of her openness, I invited her to my beast's Born Day party and she came with another actress she stood in for. I kept trying to push the fantastic peanut butter cake slice on her but she wouldn't have it, I was to later find out that she had cancer and she had cut out dairy, gluten, soy etc and was on a strict vegan diet. I never pushed any other food but what I usually ate since it was right in line with her routine. She apologized for our time missed - wanting to rehash about it and I didn't want to waste time with egos etc, so I stated it was already forgotten, that I was only thankful and humbled to have her back in my life so lets get to living it, we had lost time to make up for. 3 years would go by and I'd have her at my side for screenings, wrap parties, plays and NAACP award shows when the beast or my other close friend wasn't avail. We went hiking, bike riding and eating whenever she could meet up all the while deteriorating slowly but she always smiled. Saw her one day after she had started chemo and I immediately said hello beautiful which made her tear up as she made some excuse as to why she didn't feel that way in which I just stopped her and said that "I see you beautiful..." I wish I had more time, more time to make up for all that lost time but I'm grateful to have been able to spend and make time to do things regardless, all up until the last week before I left for my trip. I get that life gets in the way but always do your best to make things happen for the people around you, your mind will rest easier, your soul benefiting and your spirit in tuned with what's most important because one day, that'll be you and hopefully you've spent your time here celebrating life. We fight for every inch, make sure you're fighting for good things so you can art in peace without bringing more suffering and pain into your world. We have enough as artists, we don't need to pack more on because of our lack of insight and discernment...so be beautiful and enjoy this very precious time by creating magic because of the wondrous lives that have made it so! 💗 Can't wait for her to peek in on me with my Appa & Buddy at her side from time to time and be proud of all we've accomplished...because I've got as much time to do all of it as I've got and I'm not wasting moments! CHEERS to you, our lives and the real pursuit of it all and celebrating this by sharing our light...

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 28 & 29 ( Audition #32 & #33 ) with a direct booking but....

Direct bookings are great and fun, you know they want you because of past work so you get super excited to get these types of messages with no audition required...except when you're on your first real vacation with your umma to celebrate your Appa's first Daddy's Day not physically here. This is an actors thing - we all understand it because we've all been there...basically it's book a flight or a vacation or a time to be out of town and that's usually when you'll get your audition/callback/direct booking/shooting etc. It just never fails in this town...you can be here for months on end and the moment you decide you're going somewhere else to do something else, THEY CALL - HA! Frustrating to say the least because now you're put into the position of being between a rock and a hard place and only you can decide on how this goes whether you upset yourself, your loved ones, your agent or even the people casting you - it "feels" like a no-win situation...but only if you view it as such. Got that dreaded email of "We love you, this is a direct booking, we shoot...( drum roll please... ) June 22nd...at first I panicked, took a quick look at my dates of family time and we were suppose to head back on the 22nd, getting into L.A. that evening. I asked my beast how he felt about leaving a day early, especially since my mom would be put on the plane that evening anyway and of course we were bummed to cut our vacay a day short since we had some photo plans in mind, but it was for the sake of my career and things don't usually work out this way. So I sent a message stating I'd love to be a part of the project and if that date was actually set in stone which was sent that morning and I was returning the email within an hour since it was a rush to answer otherwise they'll have to start asking around. Of course the date was set and there was no changes to be made, so I agreed to the date and we discussed getting my script etc over to me as well as all the necessary paperwork. Even got a call to ask about the length of my hair since it was important to the scene so they could match a wig to get pieces...everything was going oh, so smoothly. Within the damn hour of course I get another email... ( drum roll please... ) this time stating "You do know how locations and times are always set right?!?!" 😆 REALLY??? This was just an hour ago of setting times with a rushed confirmation... It went on to state the date has to be changed to Monday, June 18th - now right smack dab in the middle of my planned vacay because they've lost locations within an hour of being a set time. Of course this makes me panic and feel overwhelmed...how does this person contact me desperate for confirmation on a set time and date only to lose the location within an hour of my confirmation? I had to rearrange my schedule to suit the production to confirm even though it would take a day away from my time, only to have it all change once again in 60 minutes and this time I had to consider it all. I asked about pay which would be low budget but the other actresses I'd have a scene with would be from "The Goldbergs" and "Stranger Things" but the cost of me flying so last minute out of Vegas after driving over 3 hours from Utah would've been $250 each way plus I'd be missing a full day and a half of family time with travel issues. The paid amount wouldn't cover the cost of it all and I had to make a decision although needing the work badly, I realized that I had tried to bend over backwards for this opportunity - I HAD ALREADY SAID YES, then they changed the narrative. That had nothing to do with me anymore and I was pretty annoyed at the fact that it was such a "hurry up and answer us to confirm" only to have it all change within an hour of confirmation. I spoke it all over with my beast trying to get perspective and nothing so important came about for me to rearrange my whole plan for people who wouldn't do the same for me at the beginning. I get it's a low budget and things happen but then it's my choice as an artist to get sucked into this or not and this particular time, especially after losing my Appa, I wasn't going to bend over backwards for them. I sent a message stating how I would've loved to have been a part of their project but with the last minute, date changes, it was impossible for me to continue since this trip had more meaning involved and I left it there without guilt or regret...okay, maybe some annoyance at the whole fiasco but nothing for my art or myself to feel upset about. Opportunities come up and it's up to your soul to answer truthfully about what's more important at that moment...sometimes it's the job, but most times it will be prior commitments so understand, whatever weighs more in that moment is what should be the defining factor but take it all into consideration and follow your heart/gut/soul/mind. Just like this chance work just showed up, others will also and it will work in perfect alignment of my trajectory so there is no feelings of missed chances because my time will be my time. After seeing a post notifying of my good friend that I had been visiting and bringing my fresh squeezed juices/kimchees to for months in the past year had passed, I knew that I knew, I had made the best decision for myself in that moment because nothing beats family time...NOTHING, whatever you consider "family" to be, hold on tight and enjoy the moments when you can.

Got back to 2 "star name only" auditions lined up and although I felt neither was for me, the idea that I was getting to be seen anyway just reconfirmed my place in this madness. The first was from my very excited manager telling me I was specifically requested to read for a movie with Tatiana Ali with Pemrick/Fronk Casting, an office I've known for some time but that have slowly become fans of my work. This is years in the making! Like I've said, my choices can be a hard pill to swallow at times but I'll make you see my art, one step atta time if given the opportunity and they keep on giving. Once a year, turned to twice, turned to 3+ times and after my read, it won't be slowing down. I already knew the role might not be for me because of the age description they were looking for but they called me in and I was going to show up and show out. Greeted with warm hi's, a nice chat and the scenes which he stated I nailed...this is all you can do, then you scaddle because you gave them something to ponder and that's your job right in that zone. Came home to another audition needing to be immediately sent in to another casting office that's constantly open to seeing me more often than not although the star name restriction is usually now up on the roles. I'm not there yet, but my work is slowly speaking for itself and that is what I've got to cling to. Years ago, I was this close and I walked away because bills don't pay themselves but I've learned to survive this time around and I know it's now just a matter of time. Two lines, self submission with lots going on under the scene and I ate it up because drama is life when I get to do this type of work!!! Go there, go for it, give it your all, even with just a line because it's important to get your type of vision seen so don't shirk on that responsibility of sharing another look or another way to do it all.

Do when you can and when you can't...live it fully in the moment and enjoy every last drop of goodness this sweet life has got to offer you whenever you choose to do so, but do it more often than not if not all the time! Utah is stunning, go visit Bryce to meet the very cool and photo op friendly raven and then find yourself at the Gadgets and Goodies Thrift store and maybe you'll find a cool vintage bag for $4 along with some nectarine jam - LIFE IS DELICIOUS, GET YOU SOME!!!

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 25, 26 & 27 ( Auditions #29, #30 & #31 )

VOICEOVER, VOICEOVER, VOICEOVER and usually 2-3 different projects, each time I get an audition - kapow...finding my way in this whole new world! I don't have a reel, I've only got like 2 things I've done for sure by chance ( years apart ) and I'm just learning as I go as you should. Never taken a voice over class but I'm hoping one day to do so but I won't let that hinder my push into these arts...never let your idea of "inexperience" hold you back on trying because there is no rhyme or reason in this business and it could very well be your tenacity, spark and raw talent that may bring about a booking. I've always felt if you've been trained in acting whether it's film/television, voice etc and have pushed your craft/artistry, then you're pretty much equipped to bounce around the mediums. Of course it's not easy, those same casting peeps that love you in one world are a whole different set to get to know in the new and just like you've put your energy/time into making a way for yourself, you must keep doing that exact same thing until you become recognizable where you're in demand. The more you spread yourself out however, the more chances you give yourself to succeed in this business which can also help you segway quickly into another form. This is all to say that you shouldn't limit yourself to what you feel success is...there are voiceover actors creating a financially stable life without you even knowing who they are, getting paid for their voice so it's not based on what they look like. Just doing these auditions at home on the couch, no makeup after I've ate, in my jammies with my hair a mess gives me so much comfort...I'm pushing to get more experience so I keep submitting although I haven't gotten a V.O. job from this thus far. Each tape I get better, I know what format, I can quickly decipher the read and put a spin on it when needed, not as confident yet as I'd like to be but I'm a trained actor, I'll get it...it's my job. Don't let "technicalities" hold your talent back...yes it's tough to break in, there are no sure easy routes in any of it but you can try. If you've been working your art there is no excuse to not give yourself a shot across the board...just do it all whenever you've been offered the opportunity and see what may arise! Don't limit your shine and don't let your inexperience in one field intimidate you into hindering your work because you never know what is going to give you your break and the more doors that are open, the easier it'll be for you to finally step into one and give all that you've been working towards! Get out there and just jump...I...KEEP...DOING...JUST...THAT and you should too...I mean, why not give yourself every opportunity as an artist that you can?!?!!!!

During the slow months, every now and then I get a random call for work and if I'm not in the midst of something, I usually try to do it. This came in from a wonderful gal ( Terri ) whom I've worked with on another job via her recommendation once again years ago as a Brand Ambassador. The pay range isn't bad for a days work and the work isn't usually strenuous or too difficult in tasks...the last one was more of a greeting and making sure the foreign students got to where they were suppose to be with our nightly sleep quarters and most of our food taken care of. This job was actually at the Burbank Studios helping out with the Overwatch League playoffs and I was either sitting in the booth waiting to greet VIPs outside or just outside the skybox in the hallway making sure no one not allowed in the room, didn't slip in - alternating hours. Easy ( except for that last hour of standing time at the end of the shift ) no brainer work to cover some expenses and see the rage in video gaming competition plus bonus finding out a friend is one of the voices in the game so I was able to take some pictures and send love! Although nervous about auditions coming up, I kept in mind I had a fifty/fifty chance since work didn't start until 2p ( will cross that bridge if/when it comes ) and who could complain with the quick turnaround in pay?!?! Get to work and survive doing fun things that give you flexibility to pursue your truth...we gotta make it to the next round so we just gotta keep on swimmin' however it shows up sometimes. There are plenty of "side gigs" to keep you afloat, ask and then do, cross the bridge of double bookings etc., when they come...it's a gamble but sometimes a job to pay the bills is what's needed in this line of work.

Got to see a friend's production of "My Name is Myesha" for the second time, spilling into my realm the heartbreak, tears, pain, frustration and love of life in this hip hop/beatboxing/spoken word indie created by beautiful artists all around.What's painful is the the knowing of a 19 year old shot 23 times in 1998, yes there were some bad choices but understanding the killings have been going on for quite some time and social media is the only reason it's more at a forefront is something to remember. This broke my heart both times as I watched the tragic events occur and understanding for the most part, there are little to no excuses for treating human beings as such. If you see it playing anywhere, do yourself a favor and catch it...be inspired by knowing that art comes in so many forms and it's up to us to keep supporting the good stuff so it can keep on keeping on. Be inspired knowing that whatever talent you may possess, that it could be useful if you keep at it and keep going...hearing a mom apologize to her beat boxing son for driving her crazy while he was growing up and now realizing what a gift it was to tell this story left me inspired. What your art is, is what your art is and it's up to you to make the most out of it...don't let others deter you no matter how silly it may sound, one day you could be using your gift to inspire other artists to do the same. KEEP DOING YOUR ART - PERIOD!!! <3