Years ago, I did this small show on the Discovery channel called "The Colony" which was a social experiment. This was a study on psychological breakdown as well as building...I had quit the business for years but when offered the part I decided to check it out although I felt I wasn't a good fit because of lack in experience. However, I was convinced and went away for 60 days dealing with strangers who became life long friends, ate rats and whatever else we could get our hands on and discovered a stronger mental side of myself that coped with the show as well as the aftermath. See, it wasn't so bad dealing with the issues that came up with the show...it was the hatred from people after. The judgement and assumptions of one's personality and character based on a show's cut for T.V., not seeing a full story or even knowing some of the truths...I realized then, that people who don't like you, won't like you and there is nothing you can do about it. You can explain away but it's not your job to convince someone to understand that regardless of how you may feel about them, you would never wish the worse on them - that you'd run into a burning building for them or stop in the rain to help them out because that is the core of who you are. As the show aired, I saw headlines that read "Leilani Smith Is Worthless" etc...did it hurt, of course but did I learn to tune it out and move on...INDEED. The biggest lesson I learned was LOVE. I was going to choose love...love of it all.
These are some of the messages I get today...HA! As artists, we have to stay mentally prepped and nothing does it better than your first hate mailers and they are vicious, but so is this industry. Understand, you as a person must deal with people who have no identity and wanting to be heard but learn to brush off bad comments as well as good. Know who you are...realize all your strengths and weaknesses and take that into the room. You are you and no one else can be that nor take that from you whether they like you or not but making them like you won't be your goal because people are people with an array of opinions.
No need to be jealous of someone else in the room because what you offer is something no one else can - PERIOD! If you work on you, if you focus on you, there is no other competition so just be the best you that you can be. Work on your art, your health and your mind/soul...fill the well with goodness so that when people give you their worse, you aren't affected - you don't take that in the room or hold onto it if you feel that in the room. Negative energy isn't welcomed in your space and when it does come, you use it because you are strong/ready to repurpose that. People will hate you...WHO CARES! Surround yourself with people that know you, support you, love you and push away the rest. People love to judge, be one that tries not to. Be true, stay strong and don't let anyone take your shine, because the next piece of art is looking for you, your talent, your work - you just gotta be present when it comes.
Another home audition...another chance to share my work. Although this material was darker, I decided to play it differently because of my personality - it's okay to choose a choice that you know isn't what they wanted to see, maybe you'll change their mind, maybe they'll hate it, maybe they won't ever call you back in...again, WHO CARES! This business is too big/vast, one bridge burned won't make or break your career...someone out there is looking for you don't focus on the ones that don't get you, find the ones that do and go give them the glory of all that is YOU. Let the hating begin but let it end in you...you are powerful! 
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