This audition was so out of the blue and from a producer I had worked on during my time on "Love Handles," the web series now on TVOne - which was another one of those small deferred pay union jobs I had to take because of the brilliant writing and improv comedy openness given that turned into an extremely cute project, now on a promoted website which in turn has given me another opportunity to audition for 2 different roles on the same episode. Small things that you choose wisely, usually will turn out for the best, so do what you must to be a part of these when you can. I wish I had at least 2 full days on the sides, being in the midst of memorizing my Shakespeare, doing ADR for "Mistresses" and having to work as a cover at my regular job was hindering me from really committing to the work as I would've liked. This is where training allows you to just rest because I had to basically get 2 character reads in my psyche while still trying to take care of my regular business. I decided as 2 different characters I would play up the fact that my hair was in braids as one and hair down as the other to show my different looks that could work - you've gotta market as many assets as possible whenever you're given the chance, don't shrug it off, it'll be a missed opportunity for you to show how different you can look at once. I did the best I could, hoping I didn't embarrass the producer who was trying so hard to get me this audition because it couldn't have come at the most inopportune time, which is usually how it works. I felt I was solid but nothing extraordinary because of my lack of real time with the material but I trusted my work would still speak for itself. I always feel my auditions are what they are, I add my sprinkle of different but you don't have time as you would after booking it to really dive in but you hope that casting can see that and give you the opportunity because you were not only solid but different as well. Plus, if that audition peaked your curiosity wait until you see me on set with some time with the material. Keep knowing that my arties, you've worked hard, sacrificed much, rest in your art whenever you can, they have no clue on how you're going to kill it if given the chance to shine...and you will shine.
I was messaged shortly thereafter that I had booked the lead role in this new re-enactment series (because she trusted me with it and pushed me because) and that I had 6 days of work to look forward to along with a plethora of emotional states as well as aging looks. Seriously?!?! Never done one, always have been curious and to me, it feels like a soap opera, with the training of lines being thrown at you at times. Wonderfulness! A dream, thank you very much!!! So thankful I had this opportunity I was going to pass up because of timing but decided to push it instead. It's been 5 days on set (today is the 5th - worked at Silver Dream Studios - Anaheim, DC Stages - Downtown and a home in the valley today) and I've learned that my art works for me like none other. In the midst of a very heavy, emotional scene (I've had plenty now within this amazing episode) they had to change the set to get the camera in for the close up. I was a bit nervous with everyone running around, changing things and the director having to shoot another scene during the process that I wouldn't get to where I needed and the way I was in that moment but I relaxed. For some deranged reason, I wanted to test my ability as an actor to see what distractions may take me out - crazy yes, but what better time than this. I chatted with the wonderful crew during the time instead of being in some corner trying to "stay in." I smiled, laughed and engaged in regular conversation as if we were moving on...not into my close ups. The amazing director that is so actor friendly I could just hug him so hard, came back in apologizing for having to leave for a bit, asked if I was okay and saw the shot set to be. I asked him if I could get a moment to get back in and as the camera rolled, within 15 seconds I was where I needed to be. Not pushing it to go over the top because it's a close up but right where I specifically had left off with tears streaming down my face...I felt so empowered by my craft at that very moment. I know now beyond a shadow of doubt that not only could I handle myself on any set with any person but I would be able to perform as I am needed because I've pushed my craft for this. You work hard for these moments and you hope that you can be there and there are times you are, times you aren't but you keep learning until one day, it's just there. The work you've put in has now become a muscle, ready to explode when called upon...enjoy it, you deserve it, it's been a long time coming and a road hard fought. I never felt crying was a mark of a great actor, it was in the emotional states of that crying that intrigued me...am I able to pull it up at a moments notice, can I go just a little in, now a lot, now explode with it? How do I hold some of it back, how do I fit that feeling of wanting to let it all go...this was my journey into the tearful side of acting...whatever your side of it may be, just know there is always more to learn, so keep digging, don't stop...can't wait to see what's next in this process! Getting to be on set for so many days, getting to really get into this person has been an absolute nudge telling me I'm on track...I CAN do this, You CAN do this...LETS DO THIS!!! 
I may get some back lash on this but I will agree to disagree here on this subject because I've been in the business way too long to allow someone else's view of this industry to dictate what that means for me or my career. This industry wasn't built with me in mind, nor the unions - when you can have a 10+ years hit running series with basically no ethnic actors, based in NY and it be the norm, you've got to take notice of that and realize as an ethnic actor you are the captain of your own ship. I smile when I see someone that has no clue on what it takes to be a minority in this business try and tell me how to "make" it, because what works for some, definitely doesn't work for others and that includes the races. Look, I love being Sag/Aftra but there were years I couldn't get an audition because I wasn't in that process (still had to pay dues), I didn't have Facebook, Actors Access, L.A. Casting etc, I had to rely on my agent/manager submitting and hoping they did - for my benefit not theirs. Even as I look back now, I've got to wonder how many roles they screwed up for me, turned down or didn't even submit to. Understand your power to steer your own ship folks, today you can see the low budget films, the new media productions and submit away at your leisure and know you're involved in your career but that wasn't always the case so take advantage in doing your own due diligence in making your dreams happen because no one can push for your art as well as you can. So here is the fine line and I walk on it with much care because you must as an aware artist...know your own options. Hearing someone of a particular race complain about their lack of auditions and knowing deep down that if you cut that down by 75% that is my outlook on this industry has made me very aware of what I must do and it's not always black and white. Hearing people speak less of non-union or Fi-Core has always made me cringe because being a minority, I'm not getting the same opportunities to compete, my level of playing field is so much lower so I must do what I must do in order to push my agenda into the mix of being a working actor. Now get this, I'm not Non-Union nor am I Fi-Core but I will tell you as a struggling, minority actor that if the right role comes along, I will consider it period because that lead role on that film may get me the nod I need to get me into the room as a Guest Star on the popular show because now I've got that credit. I'm not saying go crazy because you've got to understand what type of artist you are - are you here for the money or the work? Both? Because while you are judging, some celebrity is shooting with a production out of this country because the union doesn't have jurisdiction and doing a buy out just because...that is still non-union work folks, great money paid but if you think those companies don't know what they are doing you are misinformed. People want you to feel guilty or less than if you accept work that they consider beneath you...there are amazing union sets as well as non-union and janky union sets as well as non-union, it is up to you to decide how to maneuver in these waters. If it's a fantastic piece of work, written well, with amazing cast and crew tied in, you're doing something you've never had the chance/opportunity to be a part of and you know this will only further your work, consider it...you can become Fi-Core for that particular project and then go back. It's implemented for a reason, someone understood the need for this part of the industry and now we have options. No one is paying your broke down car fixes, your gas to get to and from, your need to pay for classes and headshots...you are but understand why you're doing it. We "suffer" for our art in so many ways, we take theatre work that in essence you end up paying for to be a part of the production at $9 a show or even nothing (which I will gladly do on the right projects now), maybe book a big SAG gig or two a year if you're lucky because it's not about how solid of an actress you are at times, it's opportunity. Someone understood that and created Fi-core in the unions for that very purpose, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. I love my unions, but I will not miss out on opportunities that will change my course to further my endeavor on becoming the working actor I want to be, do I prefer Union work (this is all I've mostly done) - of course. I understand that most great work is in the union but every now and then, if some fantastic job arises I will consider it if not do it because sometimes those type of chances don't come around for me being who I am. I've done maybe 2-4 non-union jobs in all of my career thus far, but each one helped me further my goals as an actor and pleasantly surprised me by being just as professional, safe and wonderful to work with as any other set I've been on. Trust me when I say it sucks that I'm even put into this position as an artist, but know and embrace the options provided at times, it may further your work more than you can imagine and open your perspective on work that may have never considered you otherwise. You shouldn't miss an opportunity that may change your course for the better. Like I've said, I've done less than a handful of these jobs but I will never knock it nor you for doing something in your best interest to further your experience in this already difficult business but use it and move on...
Got to celebrate a Born Day of a gifted make-up artist that has done my face graciously on many of occasions. Being an introvert, it's difficult for me to get motivated for outings, even precious ones but I try to remember that my human connections with people I love must be cherished and thankfully I have a beast to remind me of that when I get too set in my hominess! Although I have to force myself to chat and remember not to lean on my beast because of comfort, I do try to take the bull by the horns when given the opportunity because I will not shurk in the face of challenge...not even if it's belly dancing - HA! So, I watch and cheer for the woman out there in the midst of everyone just relaxing at the bar/club in SLS lobby belly dancing her tushie off. I see women giving the side eye, while men try to look but not really...it feels so off, so I yell and hoot for her. Things start to change, people start to see it differently and she dances in front of me for bit of a song and I cheer/clap to let her know I see her and appreciate her art. Next time she comes out, she comes to me and pulls me up to dance...I DO IT!!! It took everything in me to just be and let the moment go. Sometimes, you just gotta get up and dance your way into celebrating getting out of your comfort zone...go DANCE like you don't care, whether people appreciate it, watch it or not, do it for yourself, to fill your art well! DANCE, DANCE, DANCE!!!!
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