The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 43 & 44 ( Auditions #49 & #50 )

"Can you understand the words comin' outta my mouth....because I can't!" HA!!! Frustrating to say the least but know that it's gonna happen and you've just gotta roll with it. Most days I'm in it to win it and then there are the far and few inbetweeners that seem to pop up outta nowhere to make me feel unactressy. Everyone knows its about the words and that can be the biggest hang up for most artists in this part of the business but you gotta get those right for the most part in order to book the job so as not to look like you're fresh into the business allowing the "nerves" to get to you. I haven't had a day like this in a long time so I guess I was due because, hey, you can't win them all...no matter how hard you try! I got my sleep, I didn't drunk drink the night before, I felt I had the lines and I woke up refreshed while getting ready with little to no stress. I did make breakfast which seemed to put me back a bit but nothing to make me feel out of sorts and I arrived having little to no hitch except entering in the wrong gate for my audition but made it to the room with no problems so why oh why could I not speak for this 2 minute scene??? I've done plays with words up the gazoo and yet a few lines can make my mouth feel like I've got quicksand sucking up my precious words...this can be disheartening but understand it happens but it's how you deal with it and yourself that's one of the most important lessons learned on this journey. I had read the scene and felt this role wasn't for me but noticed it was a casting director I had seen before so I decided to go along but not put too much into it since there wasn't much for the character anyway, the laugh was on for the main character and the ease of the rest of the cast in a ridiculous situation. I didn't like the description of dress for my character and it wasn't a scene I was all excited about but I wanted to put another good foot forward and either do well enough to be remembered or book the part and decide then whether it could all be worked out for me to do it. I went into the room pretty prepared in my mind and the first take was ghastly...there were gaps I couldn't seem to fill and all the funny was deflated out of my choice...it was awful and had I been given another take for that choice, I may have nailed it but because it failed so miserably she went in the opposite direction of just saying the lines with nothing really behind it. I processed it and felt ready to go although knowing I hate doing scenes that throw away lines for us unknown folks when you're not the star, but it's not up to you at times, there are other battles at other times that require that kind of attention. Some scenes will come up where there will be nothing you can do to make it artful to your soul but it's part of the job so you must make light of it because casting could call you in for something else later if maybe you don't do what I did...ha, ha, ha. I lost all function of my mouth and words just spilled out slurring along the way...who know what was said and if it made any sense but I kept going because dammit, I was going to just get through this process. I could've asked to stop but I was going to let this audition play out the way it was going too because I just didn't have the fight in me for this role on this particular day. It was what it was as I laughed saying thanks because I wasn't asked to do it again and walked out chuckling to myself at how terrible the play back was going to be. You gotta learn to laugh at yourself, yes it's a mess up but how many blooper reels do you have to see before you give yourself that leeway. We take ourselves so seriously and self deprecate when things don't go perfectly swell but learn to go with the flow of it, sometimes that imperfection works or brings out another nuance that couldn't be created with all the preparedness so walk away knowing you're a professional and if given the opportunity you could clean that all up. If most of your auditions are on point, brush these little hiccups as a time to laugh and enjoy your art for the flawed masterpiece that it is. I definitely drank my delicious $10 Leghorn corn whiskey from Trader Joe's that has been a secret find for days like these...bottoms up to mistakes and letting ourselves be human every chance we get!!!

So last week I had an audition with a scene regarding a woman coming out to a friend which was highly emotional but something I was able to contain and give the correct read via the casting director for by the 2nd take. I felt good about it but hadn't seen anyone that looked like me so I thought maybe I'd get pushed to the way side. Found out the day before leaving to see my Appa that I just got a call back/chemistry test read that it was to be on Wednesday. Discussed with my agent who totally understood my situation of auditioning thinking the call back would be that day by the latest since it was the week beforehand, not a week later while I have other plans on being out of state. Loved the script, loved the character and felt I could bring something other than the norm to the role and although given the opportunity, it just came a bit too late. I just couldn't cancel on seeing my Appa who's been crazy sick and my umma who's been running ragged taking care of him so my choice was clear but I did ask my agent to call to see if they could see me that day if that helped any. The answer was no so off I went as clear minded as I could back home to what was more important. This disease is something else...attacking every vital organ in your body shutting them down of their proper functions as you just waste away. Research done by family lead us to Vitamin C in powder form to place in his feeding tube along with Green Tea extract with the occasional splashes of fresh pressed juices to mix in the food without either folks knowing. I know what cleansing and ingesting proper foods can bring but for most skeptics that have never looked past western medicine its a difficult belief system to introduce. It takes years for your body to shut down and deal with disease, you would expect the mind to understand that it may take years to slow the process down and reverse some of your issues but we expect things to happen right away. We're shoved with pills and unnecessary operations accepting that willingly as our fate instead of doing something we may dislike, goodness forbid we retrain our minds about food, health and habits because it's not a quick fix. Watching a friend deal with chemo that went organic vegan because of a rare cancer and seeing her body fight is truly a sight to behold. She's in great spirits and stronger than most dealing with this process of healing because of her food habits which she'll attest to. Of course it isn't a miracle cure for her, but her whole being is constantly pushing back because what she has chosen to put into her body to fight. She's had to go back to some little intake of meats for extra strength but she realizes her choices of food before has kept her alive up to this point allowing her to fight another day. So take care of yous, be open to what can work with your body to make it the most efficient because this wondrous life and our dreams are worth fighting for and achieving...

Even though it felt like I was going to miss out, I had another audition to let me know that more will always be on the way. Hate missing out on such a great script but these new sides and creating this new character was exactly what I needed to get my art back on! Fun 3 page scene and saw that one of the executive producers was a female I wouldn't mind working with/for...so I memorized and created a grounded but fun character to portray and left it at that. Got an email stating they'd let me know and I was just happy to get a reply out of the audition stating they saw it...you just never know with these at home auditions so it's always a plus that someone reaches back out to you so crossing fingers and moving on as we all should...

I had the pleasure of meeting this young woman after I performed "Bee Luther Hatchee" at the Sierra Madre Playhouse. What made our meeting so special was that she had to wait for me to finish my talk backs and asked kindly to take pictures with me after I had spoken to everyone. For some reason, my character resonated with her although I wasn't the lead of the show and I was just touched at how much she fell for "Libby...my character." I took pictures that evening with her, found out she had an interest in acting and I told her to go for it but to do it for herself, not anyone else. She'll find out if she loved it then...fast forward to the end of the year and I get a message stating she's in her first play and she's the lead! Was asked if I could make it and with my Appa in the condition he was in, I wasn't quite sure but stated if in town, I'd be there. Made it back and was able to quietly be there without her knowledge to surprise her after...she was fantastic with all her words and I was truly humbled watching this young lady acting it out after our chat. No matter how small you may feel your world is, no matter how much more you may feel you have left to achieve your ideals, no matter how you may feel your outreach is...IT IS! You don't have any idea who is watching you, being inspired by you, rooting for you because maybe they can't reach out but they stay connected by quietly seeing you. You're not that celebrity they rush to yet so you don't get the accolades of hearing all the shouts and chants but whatever job you're doing with love, someone is paying attention and someone is being affected by it. I find art when I serve people at the bakery and no one really knows I'm an actress there except some who work there, otherwise it's just me pushing goodies into the hands of our customers...and I love it! Seeing the cute kiddos, helping folks out and trying to make their time in my presence just a bit better for it...so do all that you do in love of what you do, find your craft in it and watch how that goodness spreads, even on the bad days, you get to have some pretty amazing moments. This young lady showed me that art reaches whomever it speaks to and to be ready when artin' to understand that it's your job to keep doing the thing that you love to inspire someone else to do the same. Let's send out so much love, we all need it...I can't repeat that enough - LOVE!!!

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 41 & 42 ( Audition #47 & #48)

Honestly, sometimes I just don't wanna art! My mind is scattered and I'm totally focused on my Appa's illness and nothing seems to grab me as I'm stuck between which of these are more important right now...but that's why you create! Bein' an artie is the freedom of expression and especially at your lowest, your most vulnerable because what you may find in the moments of escape, is the beauty of it all. Yes, that pain is real but instead of being destructive, pouring it into your art to express that pain will not only help release it but to empathize more if you so choose to do it in good health. Have restrictions? Have issues with certain "people/ways?" Understanding your pain will in turn help you to understand other people's pain, making you a better conduit to tell a story through your character. Learning to harness this energy is a liberating path but understand the depressive side of it all and have a firm grip on your support/foundation of love you can go to. No one needs to tap into the dark and stay there for too long, it's unnecessary - gaining understanding is good - living it constantly is detrimental. During those past times, I am ever so thankful for my training in martial arts - learning to harness my wants, my dreams, to feeling the weight of inequality in my very pursuit in this business, while dealing with jealousy of other artists, feeling alone, no steady income to sustain me, a failing relationship, my car accident that could've taken my life and everything I had hoped for up until that moment - to learn how to meditate and leave everything outside while I was on the mat made me a more elevated individual in tune with my pain/hurt but able to thrust it all in my tedious work of learning. Control, respect, strength and honor ingrained at times on my knees when I just let the tears flow...I learned restraint and a pull to find my center always in pain. In the midst of my journey towards black belt, within the first couple of years, I had a terrible car accident on the way to a play I was in. Driving down Sepulveda, a young kid thought racing in 2 lanes was more important than a life and as he hit another car and lost control crossing over the double yellow, he was going to kill me while having his moment of ego and fun. He hit my Toyota corolla going who knows how fast and clipped me just enough to flip my car several times down the road causing the car to crunch in all around me as I watched in slow motion the horror of my life ending. I saw the glass splatter about, so much so, it got into my eyes to the point I had to shut them. With my seat belt on, I could feel myself rolling and surrounded in white light I let it all go...through martial arts I had found this white light that I retreated to and I was just doing the same, going with the flow. I wasn't gone for long because all of a sudden I heard a voice telling me it was going to be okay, that they were there and the ambulance was on the way. My eyes were filled with glass as I tried to make out the voice but could only barely see an outline of fuzz everywhere. He asked if he could call anyone for me and I requested my failing relationship to be notified as well as the play if he could find the number since they were probably waiting for me to start the show. I probably was in and out but it didn't feel long before I heard the yellings of the fire department trying to figure out if I was paralyzed and how they were going to get me out of the enclosed vehicle. I remember one of them asking me to wiggle my toes and since I had glass in my eyes and couldn't see I didn't know if I was because I couldn't feel anything at that moment except for the uncomfortableness of my eyes. I wiggled, but had no clue on whether that was actually happening and if in fact, paralyzed. They kept splashing saline solution into my eyes but no one knew that glass was actually floating around there. Finally they had sawed the top of my crushed car's roof off and used the jaws of life to get me out of my what was suppose to be my death trap. I was rushed to the best of UCLA medical where I was told an MRI and cat scans was going to be my life for the time being and still my eyes hurt so I escaped to my white light. I thought I was gone but now I would have to deal with whatever life was going to hand me - paralysis, blindness etc, all in a terrible relationship. MRI after MRI after cat scan after cat scan...they couldn't find anything...not one broken bone, not one fracture, not one thing punctured and the only discomfort was my eyes. In disbelief they finally rushed me over to an eye specialist where she used a microscope, Q-tips and saline ( whatever else she had to use ) while she gently lifted pieces of glass out of my eyes one by one incredulously saying none of them entered into my eye. My eyes had literally been scraped up so badly from the glass floating, that I couldn't see and although she told me it should heal in a few weeks, I felt she was lying to wait to tell me about my new blindness. Scar running down my face and eyes so off I couldn't bare to show you the full picture shown. Through it all, my ridiculous relationship did the bare minimum and my mom flew down to help out as he went on a cruise that was already prepaid because....well, it was already prepaid. During these moments a few friends swung by and I still couldn't see but I could tell the healing had begun, from nothing, to shapes, to definite lines, to seeing faces, to my mom steadily being there nursing me back with food that I couldn't see eating, baths and walking with me so I wouldn't trip and fall. Through this very dark time of being immobile, getting better I began to realize I had a second chance in this life...although bleak, I was going to have a second chance! As I became stronger, I walked and realized my face was no longer seemingly perfect so there goes my acting career which was non-existent anyway which my mistake relationship pointed out to me before I kicked him out. "You're not an actress anyway, you don't book anything...so..." - best words ever from the guy who gave me not one gift on my birthdays and had selfishly gained acting gigs and the commercial agent I wanted on my coaching. Yes, I had helped him achieve more because he was the good looking, light skinned black guy with hazel eyes with charisma that everyone wanted and I was introverted. Into the light I went as I released his negative energy away but was pained at the years I had given him of myself and through this pain and anger, I became just a bit more free although in my chaotic process I lost a seemingly great agent at the time and life as I knew it. Through the years, through my pain and betrayal I learned to feel it but to release it by steadily focusing in through martial arts...another foundation besides my spirituality. I created art with my body to express my pain and it's the same then as is now but through words and actions on camera. Through this unique life of mine, I became a better actress, stronger in the rejections and celebratory in all the goodness I can find....because in the midst of pain, I learned how to walk with it, talk to it and use it to express my ART. I still feel the negative, I just won't allow it to stay for too long...my dream is dependent on that. So learn to redirect, it's a gift when learned and useful in this line of work as you create more flawed, human characters - even when others can't understand, they will get it later, years later or maybe not at all but they will be moved by it...so, just keep giving them all of it, you are more than one emotion so use it!!! CREATE, CREATE, CREATE...through the hurt, through the pain, you just might reach some clarity, so...CREATE!

And so I did...I've been off most auditions lately because of the unknown with my Appa but when I see something in the right time space, I've been able to submit. Haven't really fully committed to auditioning as of late but I'm okay with putting some feelers out as most things are on freeze and seeing if anything bites. This role looked fun and something I haven't truly played so I submitted and got the self tape audition. Although I got it Saturday morning, I was busy with family activities all day (which made my soul happy) and was only able to get the info late evening. I worked for most of the day Sunday and came home exhausted trying to memorize those pages that I thought would be fun. Again, almost threw in the towel because why? Went to work out Monday morning which I left re-energized and refocused on the task at hand...creating...this character. Came home overwhelmed with getting these massive lines in order, had food to replenish my soul and went to work late evening getting it captured on camera. I felt a bit lost because I knew what I wanted the character to be ( somewhat, slightly different from the usual given by the character breakdown, because I'm here to create...let me give you my version... ) but wasn't conveying it all to my beast. Words exchanged back and forth with me taking things personally and to heart but I've learned, learned how to still listen while feeling lost and frustrated because I couldn't get this character to act right and all my ideas seemed to be shot down but this time through someone who knows me, my work, believes in every ounce of my being when I'm in and knows exactly when I'm out. I wanted a real, depth to her even though the character is written as lost and spoiled, why keep giving people one dimension...let them try to see new and different takes if that is your speed. Deep breath, don't cry because things are amuck and focus...harness all of this and create...and so I did. I felt I gave her a different undertone than expected, nuances no one else might come up with and some unexpected improv that made even my beast chuckle. I needed to feel confident that I could do this while feeling all of these external things...practice, practicing to perfect it...control it, wield it and use it all! So happy with my 1st full take that I didn't do another and proud that I allowed the first 3 sloppy, hurting takes that didn't finish to roll off my back! Voila...

Short film audition shooting outside of L.A. is my next opportunity and I dived into the dialogue with one full day to really find this character trying to come out to a friend.Yes, I play it all...there is no bias when it comes to art except is there nudity, if so, how much nudity and if so, how does it drive the story? I've done a questionable few where I had argued until compromise of some sorts and have yet to do full nudity/rear nudity etc on any project I've ever worked on but it's not off the table if there is purpose. So yes to gay story lines, yes to being a killer, yes to being a fighter, yes, yes, yes to it all because through me, I know I can convey another message through my unique perception as well and I won't allow opinions to get in the way! This story had me in tears by the end and I'll be jealous of whomever gets the role but I'm crossing fingers that it's me even though I saw no one with my look there while I was waiting. I prefer readers, other aspiring artists trying to give you what you may need in the room but sadly that isn't always the case. This is why training with all levels of talent is important...to say you're above anyone for any reason is a disservice to you and your fellow being. Working with someone new, is like waiting for a something to happen because at any moment, they can give you anything whether it works or not and you as the experienced responder must deal with it. They may go up on a line, stutter a bit, not give it to you the way you may have seen it and it's excellent work for someone seasoned to have to deal with that during classes because through these moments of gifting while you feel frustrated in your work/responses, you learn how to deal with this aspect of the business. You walk into a room and no one else is an actor, you read with someone that's a friend of a friend covering for someone. With training, this won't throw you off, you won't be able to say "but they gave me nothing, so how am I able to react...." etc, etc, etc but you as a trained artist have had to deal with these situations and because of those circumstances you now can give something...it may be small but it's being able to use what you are given and making no excuses for the room. It's difficult but maybe your explosive moment now has to change because although you know another actor would read it with some more depth, you've got to deal with making sure your choices don't look absolutely outlandish in the midst of dealing with other things coming up. Case in point, I heard a younger girl in the room earlier and there is a moment in the scene for anger but judging from what the other person was doing in the room, the response came out of left field when I heard the outburst. You can practice it at home the way you think it may turn out but have a 2nd choice in your hip pocket that may help if someone gives you a different response than expected. When I went in I could already tell there was something in the air, so I put my things down and immediately got into the task at hand...until out of her frustration of the day, she made an observation and I was able to crack a quick joke about it all and a smile then appeared on her face. Tension released but I stayed in for business and only asked if she needed a slate. Read the scene in which I gave up my emotions a bit sooner than I had planned because I was reacting with the full story in mind but when she then told me to catch my breath, she explained what she felt the character to be and I processed that quickly because it was my actual 2nd choice of it all. I let it sink in and didn't let anything go until the last line in which she responded that was exactly what I wanted. She told me that was a good read a couple of times as I was heading out and I exited quickly saying thank you. Understand the room, know when it's chit chat time and when it's business and learn to exit even when they've warmed up to you, you can chat more when you get called back in or at another time, but don't ruin what you've done in the room by trying to network and befriend someone with idle talk. Stay professional, warm and exit having them wanting to call you back in. Done and gone... and on to the next one...

But in the meantime, if you're free this evening (Friday, December 8th) and wanting to catch a familiar face, I'll be on Discovery I.D.'s "Married With Secrets" as Detective Jane Smith in Season 2, Episode 2: video only on Facebook now at https://www.facebook.com/IntuitiveEntertainment/videos/10155220779679226/?hc_ref=ARSdym-CvhkhaNE5Z1WSCASt6gBHvzhq7mZmMF3oGTTIEPvJpa8cVubBMZha7jYqc4A&pnref=story

 "Two Nations" teaser trailer now out:

I've been asked to return for Season 3 of "Cheetah In August" so Karen is back and I'm thrilled:
 (Clip from Season 2)

Some time ago I wrote about my 1st experience as a fight choreographer for a music video of Dominique Young Unique Featuring Mandy Jiroux and I'm happy to say it's finally out:

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 40 ( Audition #46 )

In the midst of chaos...find your peace! I wish I could tell you that you'll always have time to prepare but more often than not, life happens and the worse feeling is that of being unprepared but if you make these auditions a practice segment into your work, you'll learn your own techniques (because of training) to make do with what you've got. When it rains, it pours and as an artist, these can be overwhelming times, so place them in order and get to work however you can - it gets easier. During the closing of "Home," everything seemed to be filled with hecticness and I learned I was up to the challenge but I allowed myself the space to breathe whenever possible to refresh my being. That meant taking naps when I could, eating really well to combat fatigue, sickness and making sure I kept up with my oil pulling and morning tea concoction for my health. Let's not get so busy, we forget to take care of ourselves because the body will break down with this kind of stress so it's up to you to make sure you're in optimal health to combat everything coming at you at the right/wrong times. I was asked to send another self submission tape to a wonderful director I've already had the pleasure of working for in the past for a thriller/horror type film and although it was during the time of shooting a teaser, 2 shorts and another booking, even with 2 days to get 2 characters down, I took my time to memorize and flesh out each one. Not as in depth as I'd like to go since I was running like mad at this time, but like I said, figure out what you want to say with each character and go play/discover because it's not about what they want, it's about how you see yourself in them that'll help you navigate the world of auditions. Sent the tape off and heard a few days later that they went in a different direction...that  happens and again, you do what you can, you let it go. No need to bug the director you've worked with and ask who, what, why etc. YOU got the audition randomly because they remembered your work - THAT IS ENOUGH!!! We get so worried about the booking but let's focus on the fun in the audition and more will come and more will be booked. One day you'll be the direction they want to go in and someone else will be getting that email, so keep putting in your art and watch the shift in your creative self because it will be yours when it's yours! I just sent a note thanking him for just thinking about me for the role and how much fun it was just to audition - the end and on to the next =). Let's celebrate...with whiskey for me on this one...because even when exhausted, you still do what needs to be done!!!

Got to shoot "Running From My Roots" on the Cinemills Stages and meet the wonderful casting director Gabrielle Evans who actually ended up directing the pick up shots. She knew each of us by name and had written our lines as well, so she decided we'd all get character names instead of Reporter 1/2/3/4/5 - how much goodness is that. I even had to improv lines during the segment prepping up to the scene of our scene and was able to use a real person I had met during the red carpet of "Trouble Creek" as my inspiration. Study life, study humans and study yourself and when moments are asked of you to jump in...YOU JUMP!!! The lead was an American Idol contestant named Janelle Arthur who was just as sweet and took pictures with us all and that's how a set is ran. People appreciating all the people, respecting each other for whatever job we must do to create magic and working our tails off to see a vision come to fruition. I even met a cast member from "Hello My Name is Doris" who played the priest - Edmund Lupinski and although we hadn't worked on set together or met during a couple of events, we recognized each other from the movie, him first! One incident happened however with a girl leaving set to go to her "audition" then changed to "callback." We all thought it was going to be a couple of hours but it went on for longer...the girl waited and waited and then decided she was going to ask to go but by that time we were on the scene before ours. She did speak to one of the producers and got the go ahead but now it's a bit late and towards traffic time. We were called in for a rehearsal of course when she wasn't back and it became noticeable. Lucky for the situation, we had a 30 minute lunch after which gave her some more time but it didn't look good for the set. I understand you have to make a decision when it comes to these things, but make them fast...I may be one of these people to try and pull it off but I'd also try to do it first thing in the morning/early afternoon and be late, or come see the set and figure out whether it's worth the leave. Understand you have lines in a film and are booked with pay - I don't think I'd risk it on a shoot day, to leave a film you've got work on no matter how you might feel, to audition/callback for something else, of course it's a go for me if I'm a stand-in or something else they may not need but if I've got lines as a supporting character, I'm set to shoot - period. Treat each set as if you're working with nothing but names because each set should be looked at professionally as such in your eyes...would you do this on a Cohen Brothers set? Spielberg's...if it's a definite no, then that's your real answer. There are times and places to do those things, it's already stressful enough as it is, believe me, I've done them but try to make a choice that is in your best interest of being professional. The cards fall from there because again, I've tried the whole arrive early to an audition, only to leave late because casting started late and it's not fun...we want to think we're missing out on something, it's okay to walk away - I'm truly understanding that now. Don't go through the stress if you don't have to - let shoot days be celebrational!!!

Are you still eating well ( simple dishes like buffalo cauliflower and shishito peppers are a go to. ) Trying to cleanse your body at least here and there for a day or two or more? I always hear how hard it is to not eat for day but as I watch my dad suffer through amyloidysis and he hasn't eaten really for months, is a day really that bad? Thank goodness my dad is still in good spirits while dealing with this debilitating blood disease ( i.e. the picture to the left with his sarcastic smile because I told him to smile ) and although his taste buds are gone, we're trying to get the better stuff into his system via feeding tubes ( i.e. mixing organic, raw meal vegan protein with organic coconut milk/other organic juices that he use to hate the taste of years ago and today) to see if changes aren't too late. Things are happening with our blood and internal organs we have no idea about and if we're not at least conscious of that fact, we may have to deal with it when it's too late and with no choice. This is where preventative care happens, this is where you decide that mind is over matter and your body deserves to get it's best care beforehand. Of course we may still have problems but some we may have prevented as well, just by doing what we can. We like to play roulette with our health and "hope" that we're not the ones and celebrate those that weren't but there are too many dealing with issues around us now that we can't just roll the dice anymore. I'm not saying you've got to bypass your favorite foods, I'm saying in better terms of moderation - conscious choices more often. Simple switches from Heinz ketchup to Trader Joe's Organic or just organic ketchup - WHY? Not because you can taste the difference, you'd/I'd pick Heinz each time in a blind test but have you read the labels? If so then you know...why is there high fructose corn syrup and corn syrup in my ketchup??? Why does my body need that and in my ketchup? This is some of the ridiculousness of our foods that we eat and don't even question...start questioning, don't wait until it's too late, you can help yourselves now with as little as putting better foods into your/our mouths. I've never taken a flu shot, I rarely get even a hint of colds during the times most people get them and when I do, my regimen usually knocks it out of the park within a day. Had a weird thyroid/blood vessel that popped up out of my neck years ago and will need to find old pictures to show the puffiness of the area and through cleanses, eating more vegetarian meals then to vegan meals have made it almost non-existent although you can see some of the black/blue coloring above. I'm so glad even at my worst eating habits, over 15 years ago I was introduced to the Master Cleanser and although tough because I wasn't used to fasting/cleansing even for a day, I got into a habit of doing such at least once a year 3-7 days, sparking my interest in cleaning out a system we rarely talk about until ailments occur. If this burger eating, rib smacking, bacon lover can do it...so can you. I decided my health before ailments would be my walk because I intend to live my dream of becoming a working actress in this business and dammit, no matter how old I get since I started so late, I'm going to be around to see it happen if I've got anything to do with it. I'll be cleansing in about a week or so for at least 10-20 days - join me if you can...even if it's just vegan broth and juices for a day, do it for yourself and think of all the goodness we're doing together for our bodies! CHEERS to life, CHEERS to health and CHEERS to our dreams but most importantly, CHEERS to seeing/appreciating amazing views, even from places like hospital windows...

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 37, 38 & 39 ( Audition 43, 44 & 45 )

Hey now, heeeeyyyyy nooooowwwww, the dream is coming.... During the madness and mayhem of closing this 3 person, 57 page, 100 minutes of dialogue/props/character changes I got another audition for a short film from someone I kinda knew over Facebook and although I was busy, I'm always up to a challenge of an audition. When it rains, it pours...this is why preparation meets opportunity at it's finest. Take those classes, focus on your work, pay attention to the details and develop art whenever you can...this will keep you one step ahead of those who are out here winging it. Chances happen and it's your focus on your art that will always give you the edge when a gem lands into your lap...learning to compartmentalize scripts, auditions, sides etc all comes from having to deal with classes and getting scenes up while auditions are happening and during your booking. It doesn't stop because you booked something, actually it's the work begets work phase you'll end up dealing with sooner than you expect. So, here I am, keeping focus of all my words needed for the play, this audition came up exactly the same week I decided I'd also audition for the Actor's Studio once again...it's that time of year. So with only a couple of days, a few scenes given and now another scene to look over in the midst of the play, overwhelmed I felt when I started but I've been trained for this. This chaos is what I tend to lean in to because I've been wanting this for so long, I've had my head into the preparation and now it's coming and I won't allow FEAR to rear it's ugly head. I allow it to dapple, because it gets me focused but I do not allow it to control anything, I allow it to feed into my work because I know a sprinkle of fear is where my art blossoms and I like to tackle that head on. I splattered my layer of make-up with nothing on but base upon base and hit the 710 freeway only for it to be the worse I had seen it since booking the play at ICT. Argh....this is putting me behind so I'll be scrambling for din-din after so it was pure stress knowing I was going to be late which always unnerves me. Of course I left a message and of course it's running at 30 minutes late but I get there and Kathy is absolutely kind about the situation and has even ordered some food because she knew I was in the midst of trying to get to the show. I read for 2 parts but mostly one and viola, before I left, I knew I had the role of Annette in "Nightmare" and a full belly for the show! A thriller that I'll be working on for a few days but of course with rehearsal the night of my Closing show - HA!!! When it rains...it POURS, so be ready. BOOKED and thankful. 2 days down both with ah-mazing views and now with one more to go and I'm glad I pushed myself thin to play another character...

Then came the commercial audition...I should've left but after getting up from the show the night before, only to have to drive all the way out to Santa Monica and arrive to a cattle call, I was going to be stubborn. Especially not getting none to hardly any for the majority of my career and finally being called into a casting office I use to go to often enough years back. I walked in to sign in but they were ushering everyone in to watch some of the other actors who happened to get it right because of course, when given directions, some of us creative beings take it upon ourselves to do what we'd rather do regardless. After this explanation and show, I went back out only to be now 5th down in line to sign in...so, here goes the wait...and wait...and wait...with periodic updates on we'll be reading from the sides now given, no we won't, we've got new things to do maybe and etc, etc, etc. I should've left...I did not...instincts usually will lead you right but honestly, my stubbornness of just having to get there was what made me endure the madness. When I finally get in, they don't have enough of the other types so I spent that time trying to memorize one part but got stuck reading for a dude's part instead - TOTAL WASTE OF MY TIME by all means but I got to see the old casting director for a moment before he had to split. HA! This is the nature of the business and there's not much you can do...I should've prepped to leave from there to go straight to the play but I had no idea it was going to turn out like this. So now I'm racing home to put everything I can together, relax for a moment and hit the road again to Long Beach annoyed at the fact that I got up in the morning for that mess of an audition. I don't know what I'll do the next time but if I'm not doing anything else for the day, I may just take myself out to lunch because that would've been a much better use of my creative flow. Value yourselves my arties...it's okay to walk away sometimes and if you don't, you do learn some things along the way...like maybe next time, you may have to walk away!

Last audition up and of course I had gotten the notification for the self tape to be in within 5 days so since the Thurs. - Sun. run had begun, I told myself I may tape Monday evening or Tuesday morning. Didn't look at it again since Sunday morning was the Actor's Studio Audition - my 2nd time, the same Sunday we closed but then I raced to rehearse the scenes for the short film and then booked it across town to hug my fellow cast mates who's mom took time to make us all a home cooked meal. Slept a few hours and had to be up at 3:30a to be on the road by 4:30a to Long Beach for the first shots of the morning. Got off and raced home to feeling exhausted, so make up came off and I took a good ole fashioned siesta only to wake up, look at the casting again and noticed the self tape was to be in by Tuesday morning, not evening at 8a. So it was basically Monday evening or nothing...after the week I had, I contemplated not doing it...I WOULD HAVE TO REAPPLY MAKEUP AGAIN and no one's got time for dat!!! My beast just looked at me and said, we've got everything to do it so let's do it...urghhhhhhhhhhhh. Begrudgingly I redid my make up and dressed up and looked over the 2 short lines given as a reporter. I figured, what the hell, I don't book these anyways, so I'm going to have fun with this since I had a process to get this together. I added a couple of lines to intro the 2 lines given and looked straight into the camera for 2 more improv'd lines I decided to end with as a reporter - so there! Got it in and went about the rest of my evening in a daze, waiting to just sleep. Woke up to get back into my work out routine of Step Zumba and while leaving got a notification on my c-mail account for acting. Thought it was another audition only to find out the casting director left me a message about being BOOKED there...no way...no way...no way!!!! First self submission booking for a film that's doing pick ups and now I get a reporter role to add to my collection of work - yippeee ki yay!!!!

So through all of these auditions, play closing, bookings, I decided to try once again for admission into the Actor's Studio. Decided to do a scene from the "Talented Tenth" with my cast mate Angela and we would rehearse before warming up for the shows each evening whenever we could. I'll keep auditioning until I'm accepted...I've made up my mind to do that...rejection is part of the business and I already know what I bring...one day, they'll know it too. Once again, I wasn't accepted but it was a blast just trying to do it all! There's next year and you know what they say...3rd times a charm - ha, ha, ha!!!

Although sad to see it go, my heart soars to think I was a part of the production at ICT ( International City Theatre, Long Beach ) of "Home." For 3 weeks we rehearsed and I questioned my gifts as an artist and for 3 weeks we poured our hearts out onto that stage in front of 100 - 300 people. I've never sang to that capacity in front of anyone, I've never developed distinct, unique characteristics of 10+ characters to flow from one scene to the next, I've never been a part of a 3 cast ensemble on stage for 100 minutes with no breaks and I've never pushed my creative juices as I have had to do to feel proud about what I accomplished on this run. I thought I couldn't do it...my art, my family, my friends, the casting and the director all told me I could...I decided to believe in them and in my work and boy did it all pay off!!! This is one of the hardest plays I've ever had to tackle and thank God, I was pushed in the right direction because as I read the reviews now, I truly understand the beautiful work I was a part of and get it is my duty to be a part of these challenges that look to explore everything. I can't wait for the many more challenges of feeling undeserving and not ready - this is the stuff that makes ART!!! GO MAKE ART!!! My soul humbly bows to this experience, I deserved this...you deserve this, don't ever forget that.

I'm also involved in an upcoming film next year called "Two Nations" about slaves and Indians intermixing because of the plight. We shot the teaser trailer during my run as well and again, this is what dreams are made of. Loving having the opportunity to be a part of such wonderful projects just trying to have a voice...as we all are. So work when you can, because when you can't, you don't have to feel guilty about it. YAY to seeing some light finally at the end of the tunnel and loving the journey along the way...keep at it my arties, don't you dare stop, we in this together!

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 35 & 36 ( Audition 41 & 42 )

Detective audition for another casting office I hadn't seen yet and who doesn't like seeing someone who's always busy casting? So many around town and yet when they don't know you, it's one of the most difficult processes to get into that room...even for the second time. This is why you make choices...safe may get you forgotten but doing a grounded risk will keep you in the back of their minds or not called in again so I always go for the risk - I mean why not, it ends up the same if you play it safe anyway, right? You win some, you lose some but it can never be said that you didn't try?!?! During my off day at the theatre helped keep the stress low along with just a couple of pages of dialogue so my mind wasn't pulled too much in any direction since my focus was to get my lines clear on this 57 page, 3 person monologue given, 8+ characters creatin' with some singing of a play!!!! I had it all pretty much in my noggin and made it barely on time only to get lost in the casting office because it runs way back...even with the lights seeming a bit dim, you just keep trekking towards the back and the office eventually comes up. I walked around and around thinking I was in the wrong space, lucky for me I saw a most familiar face in the waiting room, waiting on his audition. Good energy sprouted from Kiff, known because my beautiful gal Cheri from Flyin' West is married to this wonderful being. I finally realized it was the room at the end of the hall, signed in and started to look over my sides when another familiar face showed up from the show I did - "Cheetah In August." It's my lucky day when I get to see not only one, but 2 good souls...so I consider my day a win just because. Lovely catching you as well, Darneisha...the audition was good and I was able to tell her that they were cool in the room before they came out to get her. Listen, whenever you get the chance, let the others know they can relax and be prepared to have a good experience...we get emotional during auditions and to just spread the word that all is cool, helps settle a great many minds especially when the nerves can kick in. I told her to kill it and raced to the opening to catch Kiff and chit chat with him about the family and his reveal of being in the Star Wars cartoon, did I mention he's been in several block busters as well. Working actors doing whatever they can to survive and that is how you not only expand your horizons as an artist, you give yourself some leeway to make a living by being open to whatever may put some money in your pocket. Audio books, voice overs, theatre, short films etc., it may not be all glitz and glamour but giving your art permission to explore other avenues while still pursuing the major dreams can lead to creative fulfillment. It may not be what you had thought but it may be everything you may need to survive in this industry while making way for you to accomplish more. There isn't just one way to make it...open yourself up to using your gifts in other areas to make it all happen, build, build and keep building and soon enough the "other" stuff begins to open up. I did my scene which was a bit dragging since I took the compassion note written in the description of this character to an extreme so although I had the emotions, I had more of a counselor feel which I knew as I was reading. Lucky for me, he liked my choices and just asked me to take some of the air out and to keep the compassion shown but to move it more like a detective. Done with the note from the cd of "there it is..." and out of there with smiles from the room...again, it's not about getting the job, it's about getting the room to trust your work and see what you've got to give because everything else is up in the air. Superhero art on the walls, great audition and seeing wonderful faces made this audition day exactly as it was suppose to be - art happiness!

Wahoo to another day off finally because the shows for the play have finally started and I gets to return to an office I've been trying to get into for years!!! Before I had quit, I use to run over there and drop off my pictures like a mad woman in their box but nothing. When I came back, I finally got in for Dexter but it was only for a line and it wasn't anything to get me remembered by but getting the opportunity to come in for Major Crimes by a director who casted me for "Trouble Creek" was a door opener. It's hard when it comes to one line because it usually ends up being about the look and not really the read - it is what it is but because I was able to read for a full guest star role this last time, I was able to make a journey with my work and therefore take them on a ride as well. Thank goodness for the chance and I tried not to waste it, preparation meets opportunity so then you shine!!! I went in twice for 2 different good roles for the same episode of Major Crimes but didn't get either but I realized I had made some fans in the room and got the office to notice me and that is all I can ask for. So I am thrilled to get another shot to meet another one of the cds in the UDK office for a low budget film with a major executive producer playing a government worker. The scene takes place early in the morning but of course, showing up in jammies isn't my thing. I decided they can see me as the worker during the day, so black top and black slacks it is. Hair pulled up in a bun and this time I remembered to bring gel to keep the flyaways down, easy makeup and flats. Arrived way earlier than expected so I was able to relax, recheck hair and focus on my lines....get called in the room and lucky for me, there's a reader and he's great! I did a small improv line to get me into the scene and off I went into the read only to mess up the second line by chopping it short and stating a different time but I didn't let it deter me. I wasn't going to stop in front of a new Casting Director because I knew my intentions were clear and the line still made sense, the rest of the scene came out word perfect with who I wanted this character to be. After being done, he stated it was really a good read - twice, so I'll take his word for it with no redirects and a question about where I was from in which I spoke a little Korean to say thanks which made him chuckle. Yeah to a warm room, casting who paid attention and me screwing up a line and still powering through it because I knew I was in the pocket and nothing was going to get in the way. Theatre will do that for you...you mess up but you've got to recover and keep at it because the show must go on. No reason to beat myself up, as a matter of fact, celebrating the moment of pushing through an audition even though I flubbed a bit, chose to wait to see if casting needed me to do it again, not my ego and all was good. It's a whiskey celebratin' kinda night - HA!!!

So incidents happen...negative people/things are here to pull you off track when you least expect it and those moments can get in the way if you allow it - DON'T LET IT!!! I had to deal with a bully recently and it just so happened to happen, all before my matinee show on Sunday at the International Theatre dealing with the parking attendant. To him I say, "I'M NOT LETTING YOU BULLY ME...." whatever the reason you may have or think you should, it is not okay and I will not stand for it. As we started the rehearsal process we all received parking passes, they ended up with expiring dates but the theatre had spoken to the company and they all knew who we were and where we were going. For the most part, everyone was super cool....all except one guy...one guy who thought it was his job to harass us all. No one was disrespectful that I'm aware of, I surely was not because I understand working a thankless job, I'm in the service industry, I get it. The pass expired, he stopped me and with much attitude asked to see my pass. I said sure, gave it to him and he made a big bruh ha ha about how it was expired...he knew it was and why and when I stated he could call the office if there was a problem, he just stated he was taking my pass and that I was lucky he wasn't going to charge me that day. I just chuckled and stated "Okay...thanks." Parked and chalked it all up as to him having a very bad day, YOU got a pass from me that day because YOU spoke rudely to me, took a pass YOU had no business taking and acted like YOU were doing me a favor and still I smiled. I told the incident to both stage managers who then got on the horn and we received the correct passes but was told he had no right to take our old ones and that they were talking to him. Again, every single other attendant was pleasant and cool every single day from the start to fast forward to this past Sunday, Oct. 22 when this guy was once again the one at the booth. I took a deep breath when I saw him and he saw me because I was behind the car he was letting through and he had to pass me to go into the booth. He looked at my car and kept walking, I figured he knew our passes was good so I started to roll forward only to hear a "HEY!" I immediately stopped and rolled down my window and said, "I have the pass man, it's all up to date, you know this" but I still grabbed it to show him. I then put it back into my window...he then nastily asked to see my pass as he looked around, I'm sure it was to make sure no one was looking. I told him he wasn't suppose to take passes but I still pulled it out for him...he then SNATCHED it and stated something about him being able to do whatever he wanted. My spirit swelled from this encounter, him literally harassing me over a ticket he knew was in the clear. He grabbed something from me like I was nothing...was it because I was alone? A woman? Black???? He too was a different minority and this type of animosity he had shoved in my face was overwhelming to a point that I had to react because it took everything in me not to fly out that car door and put him into submission for making me feel like I was just now threatened. I reminded myself of my show in a hour, I leaned out of my window, snatched the ticket back in which it tore in half and simply rose my voice an octave letting him know it was not okay, he was not going to snatch things from people, that I was done with this encounter and was going to discuss this with management immediately. I was so angry, I was shaking...to have a human being act as if I was nothing when I did everything to address the situation, treat him with respect by stopping when he said hey, speak to him....NO, I WILL NOT LET THIS PASS! I dropped my things off, called for the assistant stage manager and explained to him the incident, he then called the stage manager who was arriving and he went to discuss the situation with the attendant. This guy has been harassing the lot of us...every time he has worked, he has given attitude to the guys but he has seemed more confrontational with the women. The ticket being torn, drew more attention to this matter than I think he had planned. This creep told my stage manager who has seen me day in and day out with nothing but respect and professionalism, that I had an attitude and to ask me what happened since my SM was asking him to explain what happened. Yes, the old "she had an attitude" trick towards the black woman YOU'VE enraged because YOU decided to threaten her person. I quickly gave him the run down of the whole situation because I knew he was trying to deflect it all but see...I stopped for YOU, I didn't just roll on in with my attitude to park and not deal with YOU. I knew YOU were going to harass me and I stopped anyway. My presence is known within this company and I don't have an aggressive bone unless awakened/threatened, plus everyone has dealt with YOU so your story of my attitude, doesn't work this time, I wonder how many times he has used it and it worked? Because lord knows...black women... Head personnel soon came to speak to me before the show, getting my story, info and my car with everyone else putting in how he's harassed them...this bully has been doing this and getting away with it and today was not the day for me. I hope he doesn't lose his job, just written up because I don't know what his whole issue is but I hope this corrects it but if he does get fired, that's all on him. He made the choice to bully people in a job I guess he may have felt was thankless but he decided to bully the wrong person who had already given him a pass once. So if anywhere, you see a man whining about how a black girl ruining his day or screwed him...you now know, this guy was a HARASSING BULLY as a parking attendant who didn't get away with it. "YOU WILL NOT BULLY/HARASS ME NOR ANY PERSON PERIOD!"

Through that mess, I was able to pull myself together before the show, calm my nerves and put myself back into peace, love and alignment because the house was packed and the show must go on! I have to say, we had one of our best shows that day...I feel like me knowing that everyone had my back and that people were coming together to state their experience with this dude gelled us all in. What a show, what an Opening Weekend it was...from a rocky start of Previews for me feeling disconnected but getting it on the first day, to chomping at the bit the 2nd day, to Opening Night goodness and finishing it off Saturday and Sunday almost without any hitches and playing for goodness sake!!! I wore a dress given to me by the lovely Danette which is a good luck charm and even saw a few familiar faces ( Christianne & Lowes during Previews, Ken on Opening Night, Pat on Saturday and Steven on Sunday ) although I didn't get pictures with Pat or with the theatre critic Steven, I can't thank you all enough for your support and love! I couldn't have asked for a more rewarding show to be a part of now in this juncture of my career. I was told to sing out more via friends, that my voice wasn't half as bad as I imagined because I've been comparing my voice to my wonderful counterpart Angela who has the gift of gospel in her tone and so I am! 8 plus characters, each with defining characteristics and some singing ya'll...it's been a blast! Thank goodness Michael Donovan and Richie Ferris thought of me once again to call me into another audition I shied away from. I went in for them and now doing this for me - yes, to that! Glad I accepted this challenge, even though I had ran away from it at first...JUMP, just DO IT because when you fly, you know it was well earned and that incredible feeling will take you into the next job! Plus, who doesn't like their own dressing room and pictures in the lobby as their characters to boot?!?! HA!

Through all this, I forgot I booked a short film via a referral from another actor I've worked with doing Kimba Henderson's plays - Derrex Brady, thanks for seeing my art and giving me a nod with your peeps!!! Nothing like having an Opening Night at the theatre with a party after to waking up bright and early to jam on out to a shoot while wearing 90's garb on a fun set with great people only to grab a quick nap and race on off to the theatre to do it all again!!! I got to play a mom at a school auditorium, watching her kid on stage...let's keep at it folks, you never know when and where the next job may come from but it's coming! Keep doing the work, keep at it...one step atta time!!! When it comes, close your eyes and dance like no one's watching... <3

The "Glamorous" Life of Auditions - Day 31, 32, 33, 34 + a Callback ( Audition 37, 38, 39 & 40 )

I'm thankful to get another audition to the same soap opera office I had seen a bit ago and I can't be more giddy. See, sometimes it just isn't about the immediate booking but in fact the idea that they like you and are just trying to see where you may fit in or how, this is why going in with the idea of playing instead of "I've got to book this" will win you over some fans. I felt my last audition was okay, the role was what it was but my wanting to be this character made me invested, even for just a few lines so getting another shot, this time playing with medical jargon was fun. Going in to book will have you trying to do what you think they want you to do, going in to have people see your work and to play will create these people to think of you again whether you book the role or not. Again, you may risk the fact that they won't appreciate what you may bring and never call you again, but one casting director isn't going to make or break you so you've got to keep on with your truth in order to feel good when it all hits. This office is wonderful and I'm hoping for another shot in a different role just to show all that I can do...I even went to the Museum of Ice Cream before the audition because I had this event months in advance. Don't change up every aspect of your life for an audition, understand it's an audition and as long as you've done your homework, it's just not going to be as bad as you imagine. So....I went and enjoyed myself with family and played hard...I wanted to get the words but with one evening, they were just going to be as good as it had got by that point. Trust, I had them but when they stated that I could hold the page just below and off camera, I was relieved - read the harder terms and was able to look up at a point I felt was being engaged and go from there without looking back down at the page. They were kind and generous with their energy even with a roomful of people to get through but again, this was just another moment for her to see my work and now I'm crossing my fingers for the next opportunity...3rd times the charm right?!?! Glad I went to enjoy myself and inspire my art by visiting this pop up shop with people I love, no better way to make the day regardless of audition or no audition...life moves on!!!

Lo and behold I received another audition during this time of mad preparation for the play but another good role on a new show in a big casting office via a casting director who had me come in for "Trouble Creek" in which I booked. Although I realized the basic thought of the scene, I wanted a deeper feel and risked doing it, figured I'd have fun from all the pressure of memorizing as much as I could for the booked play. It of course wasn't what she wanted so I did a lighter version on the opposite end of the spectrum just to show some range...did she get it...most likely not but hey, I was there and was going to do something different than what is basically written. You get a shot and you either "fail" in their view point or you shine because of your differentness. Some will get it, some won't and that's okay, but you've got to be okay with that and realize your work and understanding of the material is just as important for it to be recognized. Glad the other cd knows my work and crossing fingers that this new cd is also open to seeing me again but if not, I did what I felt was right in the moment, especially when I don't see anyone else looking like me. GO FOR IT AND GO FOR IT BIG whenever you can, at least you won't regret the fact that you didn't at least try! Nice being on the CBS Radford lot but even better getting to share some of my art with eyes that have never seen me. This wasn't booked as well but....

Then came another commercial audition...when it rains, it pours! I never get these but I went thinking they want natural, let's give them me. Lucky for me this was before a rehearsal and early enough for me not to stress over at the 200 Casting Studios which I haven't seen in years. Quick and easy and lucky enough to be paired with another fun lady that we were able to vibe off each other and improv well since the scene was 2 friends hanging out. I left feeling good, but that's just me, these never come for me so what does it matter...have fun and call it a day...then...

Yay to at home auditions during the maddening times of rehearsals. Get the audition but I've been overwhelmed with trying to come up with 8+ characters with distinctive voices along with singing and developing places I need to be with the how and when. Of course there's a message from casting that although it's not due until Monday that the sooner, the better. Since this coincided with the above audition with the rehearsal between and I had make-up slightly on, when I got home exhausted, I pulled it together and taped myself. I've auditioned for this show before but it was years ago, so no stress, I gave my stankiest read and called it a day! They were okay with improv so I changed up a word here and added some text there to make the role extra me because that's just how I saw the character. Glad it was done and out of the way because I have to focus...

And of course I get the call back to the commercial but instead of it being early morning like the first call it's late afternoon...during the time of my rehearsal in Long Beach which takes me at least an hour to get there. I decided to contact my agent and let her know of the situation and she tried to get it rearranged but the note back was that the time was when my group was coming and since it was with another person, it was going to be difficult to do it by myself. I decided although this was the case, I'd at least try...raced to the commercial audition but got there realizing it was a lunch break. Instead of them being back by 1p, they didn't even start until 1:25p which I had by then explained my case to the cd on hand. Lucky I had told my director I was already going to be a bit late and since they had other scenes to work on, I felt I could possibly make it all work but with the lateness of this call back, things began to look real grim. I had to make a decision and I decided it was time to leave when no one showed up in my category. Bummed because it's rare to even get this type of audition and then to get a call back is heart breaking especially when I'm off for some deranged reason from the play on the exact shoot day of this project. It felt like it had all lined up and alas...it did not. I felt like exploding since I knew this could all have been done but for some strange reason it just didn't line up. As I was racing back to the car a bit upset, low and behold a friendly acting face stopped in front of me to say hi. She was coming from lunch and we've seen each other and auditioned with each other a few times. Hoping for one last pull I asked if she was there for this particular project but she wasn't, when I told her my situation, she just smiled real big at me and told me at least I had tried. That I had done everything in my power to make it work and that was all I could do...exactly what I would've said to another artist soul that may have been beating themselves up. ( Thanks Nicola, you made my day... ) I truly realized at that moment how much I was invested in making it happen...it just didn't work this time, but through no fault of my own. I'm working, I'm booked on a project and was just hoping that this other thing fell into the lineup as well. In the end...I TRIED! Somethings work out, some don't but when you try, there is no fault in your lap...remember that arties and remind your fellow soul givers of that truth every chance you get. I was meant to miss that audition to hear those words from another creative being on the same journey - I left floating on cloud 9 knowing my intentions.

So I play by being available whenever the opportunity knocks...getting to do a reading for a film script by the lovely Kimba Henderson is always a welcome feeling. Love being in the room of other journeyists and understanding why I must do what I must do and encourage those on the same path. It's a struggle in this business, but you must keep at it, pushing, grinding, working until it's your time to stand fully in the light and glow because of all of your hard work to get you there. Keep filling your well by playing, creating and doing whenever, however you can - NO EXCUSES, do it - DO IT NOW!!!

2 weeks down, with one week to go with tech and we're in Previews of the show. I've been stressed, overwhelmed, feeling of not being good enough and still pushing through. Singing, moving, being different characters while being on the stage the entire 90+ minutes of time with no breaks have been a challenge to my psyche but I'm welcoming it all. I feel like pulling out my hair...how did I get into this mess but I realize this is what's going to make me grow to another level. Doing the things I've been always nervous about and grinding through any way because I know it's what I need to do for my soul. At times I feel like I can burst into tears for being so awful and yet at others, I can see my work taking shape...I mean come on...when else will I ever get the opportunity to use my Scottish dialect that I've played around with for years???? And what director is ever going to let a black girl do this although I'm quite sure there are some black Scottish people around that haven't been represented by this industry as of yet. 2 whole days off and I'll be buried in the text solidifying my voices in 2 more characters in between working out this stress and guess what...got another audition, a big one for Tuesday...the exact same day I would've been booked had I gotten the above project and getting to see another office I hadn't been to ever. The universe is with you, just keep whispering, saying, telling, shouting and wanting your intentions, then step up to it's challenges! GIVE IT TO ME, GIVE IT ALL TO ME.... <3 and don't look back...some very sage advice I got from a bathroom frame at an audition!