The Glamorous Life of Auditions - Day 15 & 16/17
Although I didn't get the final call of booking for the apocalyptic short, I did however get another audition for the same casting director for a 6 episode web series being produced by some good peeps for the following week. Great role as a female deputy in a small town...again, not specifically for an African American character because when do you see this played out? This is where you as an artist know that you know...when YOU'RE called in against type casting, when the cd takes the time out knowing they're not looking for YOU but she needs YOU to be seen, when you may think you have no chance in hell but you go because she believes in YOU and the room watches. Again, I have to make changes within the schedule to work with my other schedules for the day - of course apologizing because it's usually not this hectic but having to do what I got to do to get it all done. The CD was ever so understanding once again and allowed me to change my times which I barely made but got there. 3 pages of good interesting dialogue and I decided to play this role in more of film mode, I've seen tons of web series and I've noticed a through line in most with the acting but that wasn't me today. My choice was going to be subtle in this situation and take the hit of whether they loved it or hated it...regardless the cards are already stacked against me so why not do something for myself artistically. This role wasn't written for me, a minority and on top of it a female...in a small town as a deputy but if they decide to roll with it then they would have a plethera of story lines to create just from this simple fact. Difficult enough for a lady, more difficulties ahead for a black female character instead. Whether they take the risk or not isn't the main focus, my goal is to make them realize they must consider it at least and to do that, I have to give them something different, I have to be different and bring who I feel this character is in this small town by feeling discriminated against as an ethnic as well as a woman but still having the strength because I know these people. All these nuances must be added but I must also give off a vibe of "knowing my place because I haven't been accepted to a certain degree." This can only be done with subtlety, too aggressive and I'm seen as a woman with a chip on her shoulder ( how do I know, I've been called that, ) too passive and it's fake, too involved and I'm too eager...see how it can come across as a minority female immediately - the delicate balance when you've got to come up with someone in a slight position of power but with some extreme circumstances. I didn't want to go all balls to the walls with this because I understand what it is to be from a smaller town, being a minority female and at times with some position of stature so my play can't be the same as most females even walking into this role because that isn't my place given in the world...at least not yet. I do get how I should've played her with dictating strength but I wanted this character layered with some hardships, why? Because she's gone through it to be where she is and has to play a game...will it read? If I do it right...and then the energy in the room, the engagements felt from the writers, the cd happily smiling and then the redirects with a note that the only reason they were giving them to me was to see me do it again, they actually adored my choices. WHEW, risk gambled and won! I do it again with the notes which they love, they thank me for showing up/showing out and i leave quickly to see not one other female that looked even close to my background there. These are the moments I am strengthened in to grow as an artist, because it lets me know that someone is willing to take the risk on your art but you've got to explode in the room each and every time so that this opportunity can be created for someone else plus more the next time. That they'll consider different casting because you as an artist came in and showed them truth in their character and for a moment, they forgot who they actually had in mind for the role. I don't know yet if this role is mine, but that feeling in the room is - trust your work, it's not the booking...it's the response, the bookings will come, go in and do your art! With that, I received this message later which I had to share to make my point for you and me as well...
This leads me to the next point...knowing when to say no. Not all auditions are worthy of your time, energy and art, understand this. At the beginning we all feel like we must make every audition, we must say yes to every call, we must do, do, do...dodo! Realize your power in this business as well. Ask yourself if this role is truly something you want to do, will it create new work and the kind you want? Will it give you more connections? Is it a wonderful working experience? This business needs you, your craft, your work...yes, they can find it easily elsewhere as well, but it's not you nor your work so value your outlook on yourself. That means not to submit to anything that may seem a bit off to you as you read it. Sometimes, just by the ridiculous description I immediately pass - why? No need to try and convince the person who wrote it, that you may be right for it because they were so specific down to the mole on the right shoulder that they have their vision and it's something they don't want to deviate from. That's not my job at this moment, to make you see the wonderfulness of me and that I could play that role if given the opportunity by begging for the audition, I'm not here to fight for that, I've got bigger battles to deal with and if they can't see past what they've typed, don't waste an ounce of time on it because most likely, it's not going to go well. I remember seeing a post about a new "super hero" types needed to make a film or something and they were looking specifically for 20-27 ( and you must be of that age period...written several different ways it seemed ) don't waste their time or yours it stated...a martial artist which I was, minority which I was, some stage combat experience which I have, height requirements I think I fit as well but because I can look the age but am not, I saw how they discussed that on the page and decided not for me. I guess if it was worded differently I would've taken the time to submit when being tagged by multiple people but it seemed they were to be unmoving so why bother on this one? Then there were posts via casting sites online about it and people of course began to tag and tag me again, which I saw but didn't even waste a moment because when it's written so specifically, there is no room to breathe and I'm not there to create that, regardless of how I feel I may fit, this notice went on for what seemed like months as I've seen others like this and I just chuckle. Some other times you finally get the sides and realize it's not something you want to do now. I read a notice, submitted and the scene given was a 3 way getting hot and heavy...I decided to look up the director ( little experience ) and then went into the other sides. Written okay but nothing I felt I could use to grow from as an artist so I decided not to submit my audition tape, now grant it, I feel nothing wrong with doing a girl on girl scene or 2 girls and a guy etc., but if it feels like it's there just to be there or nothing to it or just something to add to make the film more enticing for the masses, it's not for me. These past 2 auditions happened right at some of the busiest days of my year so I took note on how I felt, what was written in the audition notices and said I pass! One of them told me of an audition on the day of my callbacks and show, stated the sides were posted ( on a day that was a bit free to read them and get them in my noggin ) but when checked...no sides. Then there was the slightly testy note about how actors should be professional and keep their times and if you absolutely must, then and only then should you just come in between the times etc, etc, etc. I was put off by this blatant "power/annoyed" move over actors to make us feel uncomfortable if we were having some sort of crazy day to rearrange all of that because by God this audition was the end all be all of all auditions. HA! I not only wrote them a note stating I needed to change times because of work, to call backs, to stage but that the sides weren't posted as stated. NO ANSWER, not a single response of anything...imagine me doing that after them reaching out. I can understand the issue of it being busy and crazy for you but the lack of respect towards artists isn't taken lightly in my books. Send that energy over the internet or in person and I know enough now to just leave it at that, I will not give you my work for you to not appreciate. A few days later, the sides are finally posted but now it's crazy for me and it's only a couple of days before the audition, I decide with the sides that it wasn't funny enough, nor good enough for me to even make the effort of what I would have to put forth in order to make the audition. Glad I didn't go, had a better time at call backs and another audition for the same CD immediately. The next audition sent me a notice of a time between 1-4p which for me without a specific time means cattle call...I refuse to do these unless I absolutely have nothing to do for the day and am bored out of my mind. This posting also stated the sides were up with of course no sides to be found...this audition was passed as well, no need for me to keep looking this mess up to see if sides finally made it in, no need to print them out, no need for me to memorize the words to feel prepared, no need for me to break this scene down to give them something different, no need for me to ask to get off work early and race to an audition that had no time to give me a specific time as if my time wasn't important enough. No need...trust your instinct, if it feels off to you, you have the power to walk away at any time, your work means more to you than stressing yourself out for some project that could care less. Value your art, time, energy - this is difficult because any booking can be another step but realize not all steps need to be taken and with people already making you feel less than for choosing this path you must stay in tune with your worth. You're worthy of respect, worthy of goodness ( regardless of where you're at in your career, ) worthy of love, worthy of it all but you've got to know that you are and demand nothing less. YOU ARE WORTHY! YOU ARE WORTHY!
Working all weekend long while still trying to make our God daughter's sissy poo's Born Day along with celebrating Memorial Day with cool peeps was exhausting but inspiring. Understanding I may not agree with all things America but I love that I can do so by the lives of many people that made it that way and with this I give gratitude from the depths of my being. During these reflective moments and long weekends, getting to be inducted into the "Fairies" play time is happiness to my heart...floating around with the kiddos and getting massive glitter sprinkled into my hair along with smores to finish off the night. Love the adulting aspect of drinking wine and eating cupcakes too but truly enjoy the fun time into kids imaginations of just being/creating because that is fun. Remember the fun in all of this guys, we have to work so hard we forget this is suppose to be fun too! Drop all the seriousness of it all as an Actor sometimes and just go out to play, forget about all the noise, put on dem wings and play my magical creatures, that's the way we create the good stuff!!! Go create my arties, have fun while you're doing it and just keep doing all of that on repeat as much as possible!!!
Although I didn't get the final call of booking for the apocalyptic short, I did however get another audition for the same casting director for a 6 episode web series being produced by some good peeps for the following week. Great role as a female deputy in a small town...again, not specifically for an African American character because when do you see this played out? This is where you as an artist know that you know...when YOU'RE called in against type casting, when the cd takes the time out knowing they're not looking for YOU but she needs YOU to be seen, when you may think you have no chance in hell but you go because she believes in YOU and the room watches. Again, I have to make changes within the schedule to work with my other schedules for the day - of course apologizing because it's usually not this hectic but having to do what I got to do to get it all done. The CD was ever so understanding once again and allowed me to change my times which I barely made but got there. 3 pages of good interesting dialogue and I decided to play this role in more of film mode, I've seen tons of web series and I've noticed a through line in most with the acting but that wasn't me today. My choice was going to be subtle in this situation and take the hit of whether they loved it or hated it...regardless the cards are already stacked against me so why not do something for myself artistically. This role wasn't written for me, a minority and on top of it a female...in a small town as a deputy but if they decide to roll with it then they would have a plethera of story lines to create just from this simple fact. Difficult enough for a lady, more difficulties ahead for a black female character instead. Whether they take the risk or not isn't the main focus, my goal is to make them realize they must consider it at least and to do that, I have to give them something different, I have to be different and bring who I feel this character is in this small town by feeling discriminated against as an ethnic as well as a woman but still having the strength because I know these people. All these nuances must be added but I must also give off a vibe of "knowing my place because I haven't been accepted to a certain degree." This can only be done with subtlety, too aggressive and I'm seen as a woman with a chip on her shoulder ( how do I know, I've been called that, ) too passive and it's fake, too involved and I'm too eager...see how it can come across as a minority female immediately - the delicate balance when you've got to come up with someone in a slight position of power but with some extreme circumstances. I didn't want to go all balls to the walls with this because I understand what it is to be from a smaller town, being a minority female and at times with some position of stature so my play can't be the same as most females even walking into this role because that isn't my place given in the world...at least not yet. I do get how I should've played her with dictating strength but I wanted this character layered with some hardships, why? Because she's gone through it to be where she is and has to play a game...will it read? If I do it right...and then the energy in the room, the engagements felt from the writers, the cd happily smiling and then the redirects with a note that the only reason they were giving them to me was to see me do it again, they actually adored my choices. WHEW, risk gambled and won! I do it again with the notes which they love, they thank me for showing up/showing out and i leave quickly to see not one other female that looked even close to my background there. These are the moments I am strengthened in to grow as an artist, because it lets me know that someone is willing to take the risk on your art but you've got to explode in the room each and every time so that this opportunity can be created for someone else plus more the next time. That they'll consider different casting because you as an artist came in and showed them truth in their character and for a moment, they forgot who they actually had in mind for the role. I don't know yet if this role is mine, but that feeling in the room is - trust your work, it's not the booking...it's the response, the bookings will come, go in and do your art! With that, I received this message later which I had to share to make my point for you and me as well...
This leads me to the next point...knowing when to say no. Not all auditions are worthy of your time, energy and art, understand this. At the beginning we all feel like we must make every audition, we must say yes to every call, we must do, do, do...dodo! Realize your power in this business as well. Ask yourself if this role is truly something you want to do, will it create new work and the kind you want? Will it give you more connections? Is it a wonderful working experience? This business needs you, your craft, your work...yes, they can find it easily elsewhere as well, but it's not you nor your work so value your outlook on yourself. That means not to submit to anything that may seem a bit off to you as you read it. Sometimes, just by the ridiculous description I immediately pass - why? No need to try and convince the person who wrote it, that you may be right for it because they were so specific down to the mole on the right shoulder that they have their vision and it's something they don't want to deviate from. That's not my job at this moment, to make you see the wonderfulness of me and that I could play that role if given the opportunity by begging for the audition, I'm not here to fight for that, I've got bigger battles to deal with and if they can't see past what they've typed, don't waste an ounce of time on it because most likely, it's not going to go well. I remember seeing a post about a new "super hero" types needed to make a film or something and they were looking specifically for 20-27 ( and you must be of that age period...written several different ways it seemed ) don't waste their time or yours it stated...a martial artist which I was, minority which I was, some stage combat experience which I have, height requirements I think I fit as well but because I can look the age but am not, I saw how they discussed that on the page and decided not for me. I guess if it was worded differently I would've taken the time to submit when being tagged by multiple people but it seemed they were to be unmoving so why bother on this one? Then there were posts via casting sites online about it and people of course began to tag and tag me again, which I saw but didn't even waste a moment because when it's written so specifically, there is no room to breathe and I'm not there to create that, regardless of how I feel I may fit, this notice went on for what seemed like months as I've seen others like this and I just chuckle. Some other times you finally get the sides and realize it's not something you want to do now. I read a notice, submitted and the scene given was a 3 way getting hot and heavy...I decided to look up the director ( little experience ) and then went into the other sides. Written okay but nothing I felt I could use to grow from as an artist so I decided not to submit my audition tape, now grant it, I feel nothing wrong with doing a girl on girl scene or 2 girls and a guy etc., but if it feels like it's there just to be there or nothing to it or just something to add to make the film more enticing for the masses, it's not for me. These past 2 auditions happened right at some of the busiest days of my year so I took note on how I felt, what was written in the audition notices and said I pass! One of them told me of an audition on the day of my callbacks and show, stated the sides were posted ( on a day that was a bit free to read them and get them in my noggin ) but when checked...no sides. Then there was the slightly testy note about how actors should be professional and keep their times and if you absolutely must, then and only then should you just come in between the times etc, etc, etc. I was put off by this blatant "power/annoyed" move over actors to make us feel uncomfortable if we were having some sort of crazy day to rearrange all of that because by God this audition was the end all be all of all auditions. HA! I not only wrote them a note stating I needed to change times because of work, to call backs, to stage but that the sides weren't posted as stated. NO ANSWER, not a single response of anything...imagine me doing that after them reaching out. I can understand the issue of it being busy and crazy for you but the lack of respect towards artists isn't taken lightly in my books. Send that energy over the internet or in person and I know enough now to just leave it at that, I will not give you my work for you to not appreciate. A few days later, the sides are finally posted but now it's crazy for me and it's only a couple of days before the audition, I decide with the sides that it wasn't funny enough, nor good enough for me to even make the effort of what I would have to put forth in order to make the audition. Glad I didn't go, had a better time at call backs and another audition for the same CD immediately. The next audition sent me a notice of a time between 1-4p which for me without a specific time means cattle call...I refuse to do these unless I absolutely have nothing to do for the day and am bored out of my mind. This posting also stated the sides were up with of course no sides to be found...this audition was passed as well, no need for me to keep looking this mess up to see if sides finally made it in, no need to print them out, no need for me to memorize the words to feel prepared, no need for me to break this scene down to give them something different, no need for me to ask to get off work early and race to an audition that had no time to give me a specific time as if my time wasn't important enough. No need...trust your instinct, if it feels off to you, you have the power to walk away at any time, your work means more to you than stressing yourself out for some project that could care less. Value your art, time, energy - this is difficult because any booking can be another step but realize not all steps need to be taken and with people already making you feel less than for choosing this path you must stay in tune with your worth. You're worthy of respect, worthy of goodness ( regardless of where you're at in your career, ) worthy of love, worthy of it all but you've got to know that you are and demand nothing less. YOU ARE WORTHY! YOU ARE WORTHY!
Working all weekend long while still trying to make our God daughter's sissy poo's Born Day along with celebrating Memorial Day with cool peeps was exhausting but inspiring. Understanding I may not agree with all things America but I love that I can do so by the lives of many people that made it that way and with this I give gratitude from the depths of my being. During these reflective moments and long weekends, getting to be inducted into the "Fairies" play time is happiness to my heart...floating around with the kiddos and getting massive glitter sprinkled into my hair along with smores to finish off the night. Love the adulting aspect of drinking wine and eating cupcakes too but truly enjoy the fun time into kids imaginations of just being/creating because that is fun. Remember the fun in all of this guys, we have to work so hard we forget this is suppose to be fun too! Drop all the seriousness of it all as an Actor sometimes and just go out to play, forget about all the noise, put on dem wings and play my magical creatures, that's the way we create the good stuff!!! Go create my arties, have fun while you're doing it and just keep doing all of that on repeat as much as possible!!!
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